Page 9 of The Book of Wrath

Chapter 8

Megan

Ethan came over about an hour after Max had left. He was more than concerned for my safety and my mental health. Ethan knew a thing or two about PTSD and wanted to make sure I wasn’t going to fall into a spiral of being in the house alone where everything happened. We had a long talk about where I was mentally, how I was physically feeling, and what my next steps should be. I already knew what they had to be, but it didn’t make it any better. My world was turned upside down and there wasn’t shit I could do about it except attempt to put the pieces back together.

“Why didn’t you call me if things were this bad?” he questioned. We were on our third episode of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills at this point and a good pint of ice cream down. I swirled the spoon inside the cardboard container before looking at him. The sadness on his face was enough to break my heart. He had been my best friend for damn near two decades. I now feel like I betrayed him for not telling him.

“Fear, anxiety, unwanted stress, shame. You name it,” I rattled off a list of things that had stopped me from telling anyone what was going on. It was my problem, no one else’s.

“You know I would never judge you for how you handle a situation you’re in. I know you’re stronger than you look, but I also know how fragile you really are. You’re strong, brilliant, imaginative, you brain can create these intense and insane stories, and your hands can bring them to life be it through art or writing. I say this next bit with the most love in the world, but mentally you are fragile. You’ve had too much death around you, and you haven’t even coped with any of it. Ryan wasn’t supposed to be a permanent fixture in your life. He was supposed to just be a rebound after Matt died,” Ethan said, the gut punch hitting really close to home. Matt was my safe place, my soul mate. You don’t get more than one of those in a lifetime. I hid all the photos I had of me and Matt in my safe at my parents. I didn’t want Ryan burning them or destroying the only memories I had of him. I missed Matt every day and wish I would’ve died in that accident instead. He had a whole life ahead of him where he would’ve done wonders, saving lives. He’s probably looking at me now thinking how much of a waste I was.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. I didn’t mean to upset you,” Ethan quickly interjected as my mind spiraled into a dark corner that I hadn’t been in for years. The last five years of my life had been a mix of emotions. Some happy memories before he showed his true colors about two years ago. I wasn’t allowed to visit Matt’s family or his grave once Ryan and I got together. I managed to text his mom on holidays, and I explained to her why I couldn’t come around. She told me then she was worried about me. I guess I should’ve seen that as my sign.

“You are just being honest,” I said dryly, scooping another bite of mint chocolate chip into my mouth. Tears slid down my cheeks as I tried to hold myself together while internally cracking.

“A little too honest. Look, you and I have always been honest with each other, and I adored Matt. I gave him shit constantly for not proposing to you and making you his wife, but I loved him for you. I tried liking Ryan, but I couldn’t. Him fighting me over a damn football player was my final nail in the coffin. When you told me you two were engaged, I panicked for you. Take this as your sign that it is time to move on and don’t look in that rearview mirror anymore, okay?” Ethan said everything like it was going to be so easy.

“I don’t plan on looking in the rearview. This is my house and in the morning I have to go to the courthouse and file all the paperwork for a restraining order and a proper eviction order. That is going to be the hardest part of this because I have to give him thirty days’ notice that he has to be out. That is thirty days that I have to leave open for him to contact me or a non-biased party to help him get his shit from my house. I might’ve already tossed his toiletry shit in the trash after finding my makeup in the toilet,” I admitted through the spoon pressed against my lips.

Ethan barked out the loudest laugh ever. “Girl, see you already have the petty girl vengeance on. Now we just need to find you someone who will see you as the beauty and treasure you are and not some damn punching bag.” He put his arms around me and pulled me and my ice cream into a big bear hug. Ethan may be blunt, but he loved me.

The damn bird chirping outside my living room window wanted to die. The sun couldn’t make it through the blackout curtains, but noise, that as a different story. Ethan grumbled something from the couch where he was sleeping. He was too tall to fit on the loveseat without his feet hanging off the edge, so I offered to take it instead. I couldn’t sleep in a bed until I bought a new one.

I looked over at the clock, seven in the damn morning. Damn inconsiderate birds. Well, I was wide awake now. I rolled off the loveseat and made my way to the bathroom. Flicking on the light, a warm white light flooded into the room. The gray walls kept the light from being too bright and blinding me. I sighed as I looked at the tub. The shower curtain needed to be replaced. The gray and white fabric curtain was slashed all to hell and so was the inner lining, so I had to throw them away yesterday. I didn’t think there was that much time between him attacking me and me leaving that he could do this much damage. Clearly I was wrong. He also was really good at destroying things when he was in a rage. It didn’t take much time at all.

I looked in the mirror, bruises still marred my face, a few cuts peppered my skin around my throat and a nice gash graced my upper lip. My body ached from all the moving around I did yesterday. I guess I pushed it a bit too hard. I lifted my shirt to examine the deep blue and purple bruises that cuts across my ribs. Shit. That looked so much worse than I thought it would. I grabbed a towel from the hall closet and laid it out next to the tub. I needed to get cleaned up. I still smelled of the hospital and my hair was in desperate need of a washing. I used the bathroom and went upstairs to grab my stuff from the shower up there. Again, my shit was destroyed, and his stuff was still full and not bothered.

I didn’t want to smell like him. I refused to smell like him. There were some hotel bath supplies in the closet. They would have to do the job for now. I guess I should be grateful for his parents cheap ass gifts. They had money, just never wanted to spend it. I guess when you’re rich, the only way to stay rich is to be cheap.

I opened the closet once again to grab out one of the hotel supply bags that we had in there and slammed the door shut a little harder than I planned on. I set it on the corner of the tub and turned on the water as hot as I could handle it. I didn’t want to become Meg soup. I stripped off the black and white T-shirt and the black shorts I wore to fall asleep last night. The fuzzy white socks, surprisingly, stayed on my feet all night. Usually, I would’ve kicked them off and tossed them across the room. I don’t like sleeping with socks on, it’s a weird feeling.

“You good in there?” I heard Ethan groggily shout through the door. I guess I woke him up when I slammed the closet door.

“Yeah, sorry for waking you up,” I said as I cracked the door open and looked at him. He was still half asleep, his hair a complete mess. He wouldn’t let anyone besides those few of us close to him see him like this. He was a stickler for his appearance.

“You didn’t wake me up. That damn bird outside did. Why are birds assholes?” Ethan complained. “I need to pee; I’ll be right back.” He turned abruptly and stalked through the house to the upstairs bathroom. I didn’t doubt that he would indeed be back to sit on the floor in the doorway to talk to me while I tried to bathe.

I didn’t bother closing the door. There wasn’t any point to it. Ethan would just open the door and start therapy sessions right here. Not going to lie though, we do it to each other all the time. I think it was part of why Ryan hated him so much. I turned off the water and tossed one of the only bath bombs I had left in the tub and watched the water turn blood red. These were my favorite ones, black cherry bombs, black on the outside that turns the water a beautiful crimson with hints of cherry and vanilla. I’m going to need to get more.

I stepped into the water and slowly sunk down into the bubbles as they rise above my body just barely covering my breasts. I felt every ounce of pain as I settled into the tub. The sharp pains that had me wanting to scream or whimper as I adjusted. I need this pain to fuck off. I can’t go back to work if shit doesn’t heal up quick.

“Ah, steam from the watery depths of Hell has consumed you I see,” he teased as he took up his perch at the base of the doorway. Called it. I laughed to myself. A hush fell over us, he was walking on eggshells around me this morning. I guess guilt must have eaten at him after I crashed last night. He tended to overthink things after he said them. It was a thing we had in common. No filter until it was too damn late.

“Stop it,” I said finally. I knew the internal monologue he was having. I was watching it flicker across his face. He wasn’t to put kid gloves on today and I wasn’t about to let that happen.

“Stop what?” he asked with the most dramatic hand gesture ever, like I had just offended him.

“Beating yourself up with guilt for bringing up Matt,” I replied, pulling my knees up to my chest. “I think after everything is done and over with today, I’m going to go see him.” I let out a sigh. I hadn’t been to his grave in years. I wonder if anyone had put flowers on his grave in my absence. I shouldn’t have stopped visiting. Did that mean I didn’t love him still? No, it didn’t. I will never find someone who completes me fully like he did. It’s going to hurt like hell, and I will probably sob uncontrollably the entire ride over, the entire time there and the entire ride home, but I’m going.

“I’ll go with you. It’s been a little while since you and I went and did anything together and if I have to go to the courthouse and a cemetery with you to spend time together, I will,” he said as he hoisted himself off the floor using the doorknob for assistance.

“Thank you. I don’t think I’ve said it once to you since you got here last night,” I felt so guilty about bitching about my life and not once asking how he’s been. “I’ve been a shitty friend these last few years. Last night included. From here on out, I will make it up to you.” I vowed.

“Girl please, you have nothing to make up for. We touched base when we could. I am just as guilty for not being as close to you as I wanted to be. We let some asshat get between our friendship. Can we agree to never let that happen again?” he asked as he headed out the door.

“Agreed. I’ll get out in a minute,” I said as he mumbled okay and headed back to the living room. He brought clothes with him last night, and by the looks of the bag, he was going to be staying with me for a few days at least. I didn’t mind it. I honestly didn’t want to be alone in this house by myself.

I grabbed the bottles of hair products from the bag and started cleaning myself up. I’ll replace everything later on tonight. Right now, I needed to feel like me again. Whatever that might feel like or even look like, I won’t know until it happens. It will happen, I just don’t know how long it will take.

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