Page 78 of Daydream

As much as I don’t blame her for leaving when I wasn’t awake to keep her company, I’m now in an even worse situation with Thornton’s essay. “We didn’t study. I’m going to fail because I have nothing to submit.”

Russ doesn’t take his eyes off the TV. “Robbie spoke to Coach and told him you aren’t feeling yourself. Coach said he’d submit a request to get you a day extension for your essay. Unspecified medical grounds or something. You can hand it in on Tuesday and Halle is going to help you tomorrow. Do you want pizza for dinner?”

“Unspecified medical grounds?”

“Yup. Would it be better for you if I made the decision about dinner? Is there anything you specifically don’t want?”

Russ finally looks at me and it’s my turn to concentrate on the TV. I nod. “Nothing messy.” He immediately grabs his cell phone from the arm of the chair to order something. “Thanks, Russ.”

“You got it.” He hands me the TV remote, but I have a soft spot for this show. “Is there anything else I could do tonight to help you get to tomorrow?”

It’s a weird way to word a question, but one of the things Russ has learned since his dad started working through his addiction is that all you need to do is take one day at a time. He’s careful with his word choices, but I like it.

“No. There’s nothing you can do.”

“Let me know if that changes, okay?”

That’s all he says until our food arrives and we sit together eating, watching Halle’s baking show, and I don’t have to think about anything all evening.

Chapter Twenty-ThreeHALLE

IN THE MONTHSHENRY ANDI have been friends, I’ve never been as nervous to see him as I am today.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m excited to see him—I’malwaysexcited to see him—but the nerves are an addition today when they’ve never been there before. I offered to meet him in the library instead of either of our houses. The library feels like neutral territory, and it also reduces the chance of us becoming distracted.

I waited at his house for an hour after he went upstairs yesterday just in case he woke up and wanted me to be there. I could tell from the moment Robbie and Russ greeted us in the kitchen that I’d made a mistake. When Aurora called Russ, it was Robbie who said that Henry needed to know his friends are around him. He’s known him so much longer than I have, so I trusted he knew what was right for him—even if my gut was telling me it didn’t feel like the right choice for Henry.

It’s a lesson learned, I suppose. I was so worried about telling Robbie he was wrong, potentially having him see me as an interference, that I didn’t prevent Henry from becoming upset. Even if there weren’t tears or shouting, I could tell that things weren’t right immediately.

I was fidgeting on the spot, nervous, not knowing how to interject with a more suitable plan, and I brushed his hand by accident, and I’ve never been madder at myself. That was his tipping point, I think. The step too far for someone exhausted and overstimulated. I knew it was unlikely we’d get anything done, and that’s why I suggested Robbie see if any exceptions could be made. Thornton gave me an extension last year when I was unwell, so there’s no reason Henry couldn’t get one, too, under the circumstances.

I’m thankful we have today to have a do-over. Henry has done so well this semester, and our system works; we just need to make sure after I do my bit, he does his bit.

My nerves caused me to leave the house early and I’ve been sitting at this table at the far end of the library with two hot chocolates from the cafe for twenty minutes. Even with twenty minutes of waiting, I still don’t know how to greet him when he gets here or if I should bring up last night. My gut is telling me to let him lead the conversation, that way I’m not going to accidentally cross a line.

Another ten minutes have passed before I see auburn curls poking out of the rim of a Titans beanie.

“Sorry I’m late. Didn’t want to come,” he says, placing his bag on the table and getting out his laptop. He pulls out the chair beside me and kisses the top of my head before taking the seat.

Ouch. “I’m sorry you had to in that case,” I say as carefully as I can, trying not to let that sliver of hurt show in my voice.

He pinches the bridge of his nose between his fingers and sighs. “I didn’t mean that.”

Thankfully in my thirty minutes of obsessing over how to act and waiting, I reread the material we’re working with today to jog my memory so maybe we can get this done quickly. “You did and that’s okay if it’s how you feel. You don’t have to filter yourself for me. Should we get this over with then?”

“Halle,” he says softly, and the tenderness in his voice makes medissolve into nothing. I feel how drained he is simply from how my name tumbles out of his mouth. He pulls my seat closer to him and rests his chin on my shoulder. “I said it wrong. I didn’t want to have to face you after yesterday. I feel embarrassed about inviting you over then disappearing without saying anything. I’ve been in the studio and I just procrastinated leaving. I’m sorry I’m late.”

“Being embarrassed is breaking a rule, Henry. You’re allowed to do what your body tells you to do. Instincts are instincts for a reason. You needed alone time, that’s it. No big deal.”

He sits back in his seat and my body craves his touch again. “It feels like my brain doesn’t work the way it’s supposed to sometimes. I try my best to work against it but sometimes it wins.”

“Your brain creates the most beautiful artwork and says things to me that make me feel so safe and so cared for. Your brain makes you a friend people like Russ can rely on. Rory told me how responsible you are for bringing him out of his shell. And Nathan trusts you to look out for his girlfriend when he’s away, an—”

“And I’ve hardly talked to her. What kind of friend does that make me?”

“The phone works both ways, Henry,” I say, internally gagging when I realize how much I sound like my mom right now. “You’re going through a stressful time and she can check in with you, too. You’re both equally responsible. But my point is, you and your brain that you say you’re fighting are so special. You say it doesn’t work properly and I don’t know anything about that, but I know that the things you see as differences to everyone else make you who we all care so much about.”

“Have you been practicing that speech while you’ve been waiting for me?”

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