Page 102 of Daydream

“I’m not surveilling you. I’m admiring you. Why are you so flushed?”

She moves in her seat, tucking her feet under her butt. “No reason.”

Her voice comes out higher than normal, a sign I’ve learned means she’s lying. “What are your imaginary friends doing that’s making you so pink?”

“Nothing!” Another lie.

“Halle Jacobs, are you writing about sex?”

“No!” Another lie.

“I’m trying not to distract you but you’re making it very hard.” I watch as she snaps her laptop shut and walks across to where I’m sprawled on the couch. She climbs on top of me, slotting perfectly into the gap between my body and the couch. Her leg is draped over me; it’s natural to us now. We work so well like this. “Okay, now you’re just distracting yourself.”

“I deserve a little break.” She reaches up to kiss the underside of my jaw. “And I was writing about after the first time they have sex. When they’re in bed talking.”

“What are they talking about?”

Weirdly, she shrugs. Difficult to do while she lies on me and not the kind of unsure action I’ve watched her do before. “What it means now that they’ve done it. If it changes anything between them. What their future might look like.”

“Is that what you wished we’d done when we had sex?” I ask. Maybe I should have thought about this, but really, I didn’t know I had to. I’m always concerned with making sure she’s okay, sheliked it, I wasn’t too rough or too soft or any of the other combinations of mistakes that I might have made. “Should I have brought it up?”

“Which time? I don’t think we leave much time for conversation.” She laughs, but she hasn’t said no. “I could have brought it up. Any of the times. I guess for me I kind of don’t know where we’re at. You passed Thornton’s class; you don’t need me anymore. My book is about three quarters of the way to being done, and you’ve given me more experience than I ever could have asked for.”

“I do need you, Halle. I want you. I’ll give you whatever you want, but I want to be where you’re at,” I tell her honestly. Yes, surviving Thornton was the original objective, but I have a much bigger purpose now. “What do you think?”

“You’re not going to like it when I talk about him.”

I groan and she pokes me in the cheek. “Go on. I’ll cope.”

“Calling Will my boyfriend destroyed our friendship. I’m scared that if we try to put a label on what we have it’ll change things. I don’t want things to change between us. I like them exactly as they are. We tell each other what we need, we see each other as much as we can, the sex… the sex is incredible. You make me laugh, you make me feel so cherished, Henry. What if I’m just not supposed to be someone’s girlfriend? I don’t want to risk it all going wrong. I just want to be exclusive. Am I asking for too much?”

It’s funny, because I’ve never really thought about being someone’s boyfriend until her. “No, you’re not asking for too much. I’m not sharing you and I’ve never understood labels. I don’t care what we’re called. Nothing needs to change. Other than maybe I’ll be the one helping you out with your sex class with Thornton.”

She giggles, her body vibrating against mine. “Please don’t call it a sex class with Professor Thornton. It might make me throw up.” Ilovelistening to her laugh. “Can we promise that if either of us suddenly feels attached to a label that we’ll ask the other? And maybewe can see how we feel again and talk about it later. Am I making this too clinical?”

“No. You’re being honest and I like honest. We tell each other what we want, and we respect each other’s needs. It’s what we do now, Halle. I don’t see how it can go wrong.” I slap my hand down against her ass. “Go write. I have a really interesting story to tell you about the origins of New Year’s when you’re done.”

“Don’t threaten me with a good time.”

AFTER THE QUIET OFHALLE’s house, returning to my house always feels like walking into a zoo.

She’s close behind me, her fingers threaded through mine as we walk into the mess of all the people who do not live here.

After she finished her chapter earlier, she climbed back on top of me, and what I thought was going to be a celebration of its own turned into her falling asleep on me with Joy. She says she’s not sick, but I definitely think she’s getting sick. Her eyes are redder than normal, and her skin is pale and clammy. When Russ texted me to say that people were going to order food and hang out at the house tonight instead of finding a party or going to a club, we decided to join them.

I set the cat carrier at my feet as Halle nudges me. “Gigi is calling. I’m going to take it in your room. Make sure she doesn’t pee anywhere.”

“Oh my God,” Aurora squeaks, immediately jumping up from the couch and dropping to her knees in front of the carrier. “I didn’t know you were going to be coming, too!”

“She can’t answer you, Aurora,” I say. “She’s a cat. Also, cats don’t seem to like you, so maybe don’t get too close to the door.”

Robbie is spending New Year’s in New York with Lola’s family, and Russ has promised to help me scrub this place of every single cat hair tomorrow before he gets home the day after.

“Why is she here?” Aurora says, unlatching the door and reaching in.

“I don’t want her to be afraid of the fireworks if she’s alone.” Halle told me that Joy has slept through every New Year’s Eve since she was born, but I’m not convinced. “And she’s cute.”

“She is cute,” Aurora says, talking to her like she’s a baby. Which I definitely don’t do. “Hi, pretty girl, you are so lovely.”

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