Page 73 of Big Little Spells

I go back over the things Nicholas said, relaying them to my friends without any personal details like how naked we were or how deep inside me he was for most of the night.

“Steps?” Georgie repeats, when I explain that he thinks Litha is the next step. “And he thinks I should know what that means?”

I shrug. “Hard to tell what he thinks, but I think he’s under the impression you’ll be able to find the answers.”

Georgie looks perplexed, but also excited about the challenge of digging into a mystery. Especially one that likely involves whole libraries of musty books.

“Steps,” Emerson is muttering. “That’s a weird way of putting it, isn’t it? Stopping the flood was a step. Passing our Litha test will be another step. But where are we going with all these steps? Shouldn’t they be leading somewhere?”

I don’t say that passing the test might not be the step. I don’t tell her what Nicholas said about the Joywood making sure we fail. As much as it sometimes frustrates me, I don’t want to take away Emerson’s belief in a clear right and wrong.

If she believes that these steps might lead us somewhere we’re meant to be, somewhere good, I want her to keep believing it. Because then I can flirt with the idea of believing it too.

“He did say, when we were dealing with Skip, that this dark magic would have many chances to win,” Georgie says, considering. “Isn’t that kind of like a step?”

“Dark magic would have many chances,” Emerson says, taking on the slightest hint of Nicholas’s particular cadence. “But we would only have one.”

“Right. They get steps to beat us, and if we lose once, we’re sunk.” Zander makes a low noise. “Thanks for the help, immortal douche.”

“I got the feeling that he genuinely couldn’t tell me what it meant,” I say, trying not to sound defensive.

“Because he’s so benevolent?”

“No,” I reply, ordering myself not turn molehills into mountains. I don’t need to stand up for Nicholas to Zander. Or anyone. “Because he can’t. I get the sense he can’t.”

“Like me?” Ellowyn asks, so much herself again it seems like what happened back at the gym was a dream. It’s not the only thing about tonight that feels like a dream.

“I don’t think he’s running with a truth curse, though it could be a different sort of curse.” I hesitate to bring up the other possibilities, though they seem more likely to me. It feels like sharing Nicholas’s secrets, even though he didn’t tell me not to. And we’re trying to save our own, much shorter lives here. “A curse or a blood oath or something like that,” I force myself to say.

And I kind of hate myself for it.

“In other words, something he chose,” Jacob points out, with unerring accuracy.

It feels more unfair than it should. I know Nicholas has chosen all sorts of dark things.

I don’t really want my friends to know it too. Assume it, sure. But knowing it is something different.

“Immortality doesn’t come without sacrifices.” Georgie sits back in her chair. She blows a red tendril out of her face. “Historians might not know the specifics, but we do know that.”

“Yes, and he told me something that I...” I want to say this even less. I swallow, hard, and force myself to keep going. “It’s relevant, even if I don’t understand how just yet. He said, ‘There is nothing I wouldn’t have done for the power I coveted.’”

I look around, expecting them all to make the same connection I have. Instead, they nod, their expressions full of dark Nicholas Frost thoughts. I tell myself I’m impatient because they’re slow on the uptake. It has nothing to do with this urge in me to protect and defend him.

“We know another group who covet power,” I say, definitely impatient. “Who wield it without any checks or balances. Who are so powerful that even Nicholas Frost can’t tell their secrets.”

Everyone exchanges glances then. There’s a sudden surge of electricity in the room, like we’re all looking at the weeks ahead now. Wondering what’s to come. What will happen. With or without visions.

I catch Emerson’s gaze on me, looking every inch the big sister. Like she knows exactly what I got up to tonight.

Well, I say where only she can hear me. It is Beltane.

Magic is a beautiful thing, she replies, so primly that I suddenly understand all kinds of things about her connection to Jacob.

I love that for her.

“You guys.” I make sure everyone’s looking at me, because as much as I’d like to magic myself a pint of ice cream and giggle about boys with my favorite women—and I’m sure I will, maybe even later tonight—there’s one key point I want to get across first. “This means that even if he can’t tell us, Nicholas knows what their secrets are. If we can figure out how to access what he knows...”

Emerson’s smile is slow and brilliant and every inch the Warrior she is. “Then we’ve got them.”

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