Page 79 of Out of My Flocking Mind

The room disappeared, and instead, I found myself in another memory. The car where I had my first real conversation with Harrison? After he’d saved me when I’d been in my crow form? As quickly as it happened, it changed again. Sparks of my life flashed by so fast that I couldn’t keep track. A dull throbbing in my head was impossible to ignore.

“You see,” Ryder said, whispering into my ear, “He will always pick me. He could kill me now if he wanted to, but he won’t. He feels too guilty, like if he can just fix me, then everything is okay. It doesn’t matter how much he cares about you, he will never kill me—not even to save you.”

I cried out as the pressure in my mind grew, as I struggled to stay conscious in some form. Everything swirled around me, the pain growing.

Until it slowed for just a moment, as if between blinks it had stuttered. Across the space, in the darkness, I spotted a figure.

Kelvin? It made no sense, since we were in my memories, my thoughts, and only a Mind could enter there. I was sure of it, though. I wouldn’t ever not recognize Kelvin, especially with those bright eyes. He offered me a mocking smile as though to kick me in the ass.

What the fuck was I doing? I wasn’t the type to give up, to give in, to accept bullshit.

This was my mind, for fuck’s sake. It was a twisted, broken place, but it was mine. As the world twisted around me, as everything became harder and harder to keep up with, I focused, taking us back to that first memory of the family dinner. It took form around us, younger me sitting there in the chair almost like she could see me.

“What the fuck?” Ryder asked, his eyes wider, as though he’d figured out something had changed.

I ignored his question though and reached toward the table, wrapping my fingers around my goal. “You made one big fucking mistake,” I said. “You know that Harrison is too noble to kill you, but you forgot one thing.”

I approached Ryder, ignoring Harrison, ignoring the room, ignoring everything other than the man currently in my sights.

“And what’s that?”

I tightened my grasp around my weapon. “That I’m not a good person like he is.” I drove the steak knife from the table up and into Ryder, aiming it to slip beneath his ribs. After sinking it in, I twisted it, needing to do as much damage as possible.

Ryder reached out and grasped my wrist, his expression full of shock. It seemed he really hadn’t realized what I was capable of to protect those I cared about. I didn’t love the idea of ending a life, but I’d do it in a heartbeat if needed.

“You…” he said, the one word broken.

“You’re right—Harrison would never hurt you, but I’m not him. If it takes me ending you to protect him, I’ll carry that weight.”

He let out a laugh, one full of pain. “This wasn’t how I thought this would go, but it’s not that bad. I still fucked Harrison over.”

“No, you didn’t. I protected him.”

“And you think that he’s going to thank you for it? You think he’ll forgive himself for what he did to you? That he’ll thank you for killing the brother he’s been trying to save?” He laughed, the sound breathless and confident.

I turned my head to find Harrison staring at us. Had this woken him? Broken the hold the Cloud had on him? I took a step toward him, but he backed away. The rejection hit me hard, Ryder’s words still ringing in my head.

I opened my mouth to say something, anything, but I didn’t get the chance. Instead, Harrison collapsed, and when he did, the false world around me dissolved.

“She’s coming around,” came a voice I instinctually turned toward. It was familiar and safe and fuck if I didn’t need that right about now.

I forced my eyes open to find Kelvin there, my head in his lap, with Galen beside me.

“Harrison,” I said, scrambling up only to have Kelvin hold me tighter so I couldn’t go anywhere.

“He’s breathing. What the fuck happened, Grey?”

And fuck, I really didn’t want to tell this story…

* * * *

Hours later, I was back home. It was strange how my house didn’t feel like mine anymore. The world hard changed too much.

No, that wasn’t right. I’d changed too much.

“You okay?”

I nodded and forced myself to smile even if I didn’t feel like it as I turned around to face Kelvin. “Yep. Of course.”

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