Page 46 of Out of My Flocking Mind

He closed his eyes, his focus entirely on whatever he felt through the touch to Trey’s head. Trey’s expression shifted as though in pain.

Before I could think twice, I moved the few steps closer and took Trey’s hand in my own, squeezing tightly, hoping he might somehow sense that and that it might soothe him in some small way. His expression didn’t suggest it had, but with nothing else to offer, I kept hold of his hand.

After what felt like minutes without ends, Harrison took his hand back, his face appearing exhausted. “Someone dug through his mind. They didn’t just view it, they tore it apart. He has burned out neurons everywhere.” He shook his head, as though looking at something tragic.

“What does that mean? How long until he wakes up?”

“He may not wake. The damage is severe. If he were anything other than a Were, I’d say there was no chance of him recovering, but Weres have exceptional healing abilities. Plus, because of their animal spirit, they can come back from injuries others couldn’t. Even if he does wake, though, there is no telling what condition he would be in. He might prove uncontrollable and beyond repair.”

“Beyond repair?” I repeated the words, hating how heavy they felt on my tongue. That was the sort of thing someone said about a car whose engine knocked, not a person. “What do you mean by that?”

Harrison didn’t respond, and at least he had the decency to turn his face away, to look out of the window instead of at me. It was a good choice because I was fighting hard against the desire to slap him across his stupidly perfect face.

“Weres are not like other spirits,” Galen said. “They have to be able to control their beast. If they can’t, they are a danger to everyone and everything else around them.”

“So what happens if he’s a little testier when he wakes up? So what? I’m around and I sure as fuck have a temper.”

“A Werebear like him could slaughter people, Grey. If he wakes and can’t control himself, I will have no choice but to deal with it and make sure he doesn’t endanger anyone.”

I sat up straight at Galen’s words, as though they were a knife he’d just waved in my direction. The meaning was obvious even if he tried to use cute little euphemisms to say it. Even if Trey somehow survived the attack, if he woke up against all odds, but he couldn’t control his beast? Galen would kill him. I rejected the idea before my brain even fully formed it, clenching my molars together to keep from saying all the shit I really wanted to say.

Instead, I kept my voice quiet. “Get out.”

“Grey…” Galen said, his voice gentle enough to piss me off. It wasn’t me that required gentleness right now. Not only was this all bad, but it was all my fault.

“Give her time,” Harrison said.

“We can’t just leave her in here with him.” Galen kept his voice low as he responded, as though I couldn’t hear them despite only being a few feet away.

“It’s fine. He won’t wake, not in the next day or two at least.”

With that, the two left, the door shutting quietly behind them.

I squeezed Trey’s hand again, trying to ignore the burning in my eyes. Tears didn’t help anyone. It was something I knew better than most. Tears were cheap and easy and ultimately useless. People cried because they thought suffering made them special, but who wanted the tears of someone else? They were just dressing people put on their own selfishness—nothing more.

“You know, you really should wake up,” I said, my voice trembling. “If you do, I’ll owe you something nice. What do you want? I’ll get off your ass about selling anything, and I’ll bribe your teachers to pass you whether or not you show up. Fuck, you want a car? I can steal you just about anything.” I laughed, the sound hollow and broken as I pictured pulling up to his school with a freshly pilfered sports car. I’d do it, too.

I just didn’t want to lose someone else, didn’t want to carry the weight of another life ruined on my shoulders. I didn’t know if I could carry it, not anymore.

But no matter what I promised to him, what I offered up, Trey didn’t move. He didn’t respond, didn’t wake, didn’t squeeze my hand back. Nothing worked.

I had no idea how long I sat there, how long I waited for any sign that he heard me, that he was still there. Harrison and Galen left me be, even after the sun had set, when the sky outside the window was bathed in pinks and oranges. Eventually, the tightness in my back and the silence in the room overcame my desire to stay there.

I released his hand and rose, staring down at him, the difference startling. When awake, he’d been bigger than life. I recalled the way he’d faced off against me, the way he’d accepted changes and surprises so easily. Now, however, he lay there lifeless. He seemed like an empty shell now, and that hurt more than anything else.

“Wake up and I’ll make this up to you. I’ll make this right.” I glanced out of the window, swallowing hard enough that my throat hurt. “And if you don’t wake up? I’ll make damn sure that the fucker who did this to you lives just long enough to regret it.”

With that, I walked away from the bed, leaving Trey there. Something ugly and painful grew inside me, gnawing at my stomach, swiping at me. I would have called it anger, normally. I was pissed that this had happened, that a kid had gotten targeted, that some asshole had decided to tear Trey’s mind apart and for what? For nothing. I wasn’t stupid enough to think it was really anger, though.

No doubt when I sat alone later, when I closed my eyes to rest and couldn’t avoid or ignore the feeling anymore, I’d know the truth. Anger was just an easy costume for me to put on something far worse.

What really hurt was guilt, because I knew this was all my fault.

Chapter Eleven

Somehow, coming back to the council headquarters felt strangely like coming home. It made me laugh, since I’d always hated coming here. It had always felt like just the building where I had to work, which made it one of my least favorite places.

Maybe because of my time living with Harrison, and with Kelvin before that, I realized just how much I’d missed this stuffy, vast building.

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