Page 87 of Flock This

“I don’t know about that. All I know for sure is that this is the only place where I’ve felt like I matter, like I’m seen. I may not belong, I may not fit in, but people here at least know I exist. Sure, Galen and Kelvin are part of that, but they aren’t all of it. I have friends here, and they feel like lifelines, like the only real things in my life. So, I couldn’t imagine leaving. I don’t know if I really have a life anywhere else.”

He let out a long, slow breath. “It was that same passion that made me take notice of you at first. Your ability to care for others, to make them care for you in return. That is a rare thing, and I find myself jealous.”

“You’re included in that.”

A line appeared between his eyebrows, but he didn’t respond.

“When I think about running, I thought about you just like the others. I don’t want to leave you behind, either.”

He pushed off the desk in a rush that made me gasp. I forgot how strong a Justice actually was, how fast, because few were unlucky enough to end up on the wrong side of them. Even more so with Ruben, as I’d seen him as more of a political paper pusher. It was why when he came toward me, it startled me so much.

However, he gave me no time to really think about it, wiping away both the fear and unease when he slid his hand to the back of my neck and pressed his lips to mine.

The touch was fast, the kiss fleeting and so quick that it was over before I could even think about responding. His lips were warmer than I would have thought, the kiss gentle and sweet despite the rush.

He didn’t pull away at first, the press of his forehead to mine drawing time to a stop. All this shit going on ceased to matter, and for the first time in what felt like a long damned time, I pulled in a shaky breath and felt at ease.

Too quickly, however, the warmth disappeared. Ruben pulled away and turned his back on me. He went to the door and paused, not looking over his shoulder, not meeting my gaze. “Your trial is set for midnight. In the next five minutes, security will change shifts and there will be no guards. The doors will all be unlocked as well.”

“Why are you doing this?” I asked, knowing full well how much this could hurt him in the future. It was his job to ensure I showed up to my trial, and if anyone found out that he’d let me go, it would land right on his shoulders. Even still, he was taking that risk and I didn’t understand the reason.

“Because if you show up to that trial, you will be found guilty—I won’t have another choice. I have done my duty for centuries without question, without feeling, without hesitation. You have presented me with the first instance where I don’t know if I could do as I am bound to. Even if I could do it, if I followed my rules, if I carried out my duties, I don’t know how I could wake up the next day and face that reality.” He shook his head slowly, then opened the door to his office. “I hope that I will never see you again, Grey, for both our goods.”

Chapter Twenty-One

I smiled as I stared at the familiar front of my mom’s house, thinking back to the last time I’d come. It hadn’t been that long, but it suddenly felt like a lifetime.

Maybe this was how Roger felt in William’s room, when faced with his own mortality. Nothing had ever looked better than the sight of this house, the lights inside all but begging me to enter.

Part of me wondered if I should do this at all. Would it be better for my mom to see me one last time? Would it just hurt her more? Would it make her worry later?

I really am a selfish asshole. Even if it caused her more pain, I doubted I could resist getting to see her once more.

The sun was still up, though it would sink in the next two hours or so. It meant I had about eight hours until midnight, until the end came, until I had to face up to the fucked-up situation that had been my life.

And as much as I wanted to run, to get out of this, I knew better. The risk was too great, and at the end of the day, I couldn’t leave this mess behind for others to pay the price on.

I took one more deep breath, then knocked on the one door I knew would never be locked to me.

An hour later, I sat in the living room beside my mom, my stomach uncomfortably full, but that sure as fuck didn’t stop me from accepting a slice of homemade apple pie.

The good thing about dying tonight was it made dieting pointless.

“You going to tell me what’s wrong?” my mom asked.

“Something’s wrong?” I laughed before popping a bite of pie into my mouth, savoring the way the sweet and caramel notes melted on my tongue. It tasted like home.

“Don’t do that, not with me.” My mother looked at me, a line between her eyebrows telling me she wasn’t kidding. “You were off last time you were here, but now? Something’s going on.”

I forced myself to smile. It was partly a show, but I also really adored that part of my mom, that strength. I knew I’d gotten it from her, after all. I remembered the rough years before she remarried, before we created a more normal-looking family. Things had been difficult back then, with us struggling to get by, broke and just trying out best.

We’d lived in a broke-down trailer that only sometimes had power, and we never knew where our next meal would come from.

It had been my mom who’d worked so hard, who’d done whatever it took to take care of me. I didn’t think I’d ever manage that same strength, but any I had was from watching her, from learning from her.

“I’m just having a hard time,” I admitted, not able to give her any details. My mom was normal, just a human with a perfectly average life, so talking about vampires and werewolves and Spirits would only make her worry for my sanity.

She reached over and set her hand on my knee, the touch soaking through my clothing, through my skin. I recalled being sick when I was younger, the way I’d put on that tough face and a smile and a laugh and hide how terrible I really felt. I hadn’t wanted to admit it, to let anyone know how my head had throbbed and my throat felt as if it were made of glass shards.

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