Page 86 of Flock This

“What would you have me do? You may have the benefit of moving through this world unencumbered, but the rest of us have a place, we have rules that bind us. My job is as an overseeing force, not one to intervene in the internal squabbles of the clans. If the vampires wish to fight amongst themselves, that has nothing to do with my position.”

“It sure as fuck will when they use that to steal power from the other clans, from you.”

“And when they try that, they will find out yet again why the council was created.” He shrugged, his arms crossed so his chest appeared even broader than usual.

“If you know that, then I’m safe, right? I mean, you know I’m not part of that group, so you know I didn’t kill William, right?”

He didn’t answer right away, but his expression said I was very much not right.

“There’s no proof…” I whispered as the meaning behind his look hit me. “Even if I know generally who did it, it’s just a theory. It’s not enough to find in my favor, not against the vampire’s allegations.”

He nodded, then let out a long sigh. “I wish I could say that wasn’t true, but you’re right. I have to make my decision based on the evidence offered, not my own personal opinions. I am sure that the vampires orchestrated William’s death, but without a killer, without concrete proof, I have no way to deny the vampire’s accusations.”

“So I’m fucked?” I slumped back down in the seat.

So far, I’d kept moving so fast, searching, struggling, striving for a way out of this. The entire time, despite my shitty jokes and lackluster skills as a detective, I’d always thought I’d figure it out.

For the first real time, I wasn’t sure it was possible. For the first time since this all started, I questioned if I could get out of it at all.

I let out a laugh that lacked any humor or warmth. “Well, you’re probably pretty happy, huh? I won’t be your problem pretty soon.”

I expected him to remain silent, since he usually ignored my nonsense, or at best to agree. There wasn’t any real response to make anyway, was there?

“That’s not true.” His voice made me lift my gaze to Ruben, to find him staring right at me. Fuck, that intense stare could intimidate a statue. “I told you from the start to run. I knew from the start of this that you would never find enough evidence to clear your name. The people you are dealing with have worked for this plan for more years than you have been alive. There are too many of them and they are too devoted to their cause for you to hope to come out on top. You should have listened to me and taken the chance to run from the start.”

“You know I wouldn’t have ever done that.”

“Yeah, I know. I knew when I told you to run you wouldn’t. Despite it being in your favor to do so, I knew your stubbornness would not allow it.” He uncrossed his arms and gripped the edges of the desk on either side of him, as though holding that kept him still. “What exactly kept you here, though? I want to understand what it is you stay here for. Your family?”

I could feel the blood leave my face, and I licked my lips slowly when they seemed to have dried out.

He shook his head. “I’m not threatening them, Grey. If I had wanted to hurt them, I could have done so at any time. Instead, I ensured they remained out of your records.”

“How long have you known?”

“Since the first day you came to the council. You were already an anomaly, something that did not fit into our world. How could you really believe that I wouldn’t look into you? That I would offer you a job before I fully understood you?” He paused, as though thinking, before going on, his voice softer. “In fact, it was your family that made me decide to offer you that job.”

“What do you mean?”

“I followed you after you left that first council meeting. I watched you go home, meet with your mother, your siblings. I don’t remember my human life, and I wonder if I had a family like that. There was such affection there, a warmth in that home that I didn’t understand. Even after how dangerous things around you were, even when your entire life was turned upside down, the way you checked on them, the way you checked the house to keep them safe, it was something I couldn’t stop thinking about. I recognized there just how alone you truly were, how on the outside you were, and I supposed I wanted to do some small thing to help. It felt like… perhaps by reaching out to you, I might not be so alone either.”

His words were the last ones I would have expected. In fact, I stared at him, my mouth hanging open, unable to really associate them with the man I’d come to know. Ruben had always been a stone—something solid and impenetrable. So hearing his words that suggested something deeper beneath unnerved me.

“I can assure you that your family would be safe if you left. No one would go after them. Are they what kept you here?”

I shook my head. “No. I knew my mom was safe. She’s tough, and she’s got no connection to our world.”

“So what was it? Galen?” That name on his lips made me flinch. “I’m not judging you, just trying to understand. I know you and that wolf have some sort of connection. Were you unwilling to leave him? Or is it Kelvin who holds you here? I don’t understand your relationship with him, but perhaps it is more than I realized.”

I pressed my lips together as I considered the people in my life, all the fleeting relationships that I cherished even if I mocked them. They were all strange proof of my existence. I might not fit in anywhere in the world, but my bonds to the people in the world felt like the only true connection to the world as a whole.

It wasn’t just Galen and Kelvin, though, so I spoke softly, my voice barely over a whisper. “No, it isn’t either of them, not exactly.”

“What does that mean?”

“I’ve always been alone—or at least, I’ve always felt that way. Even as a kid, I didn’t fit in, not with anyone. The world seemed so simple to me, but I found out it wasn’t, that it was so much more complicated. It was like everyone else had a manual I didn’t have, that they all understood how to deal with things that I couldn’t. When I became what I am now, I thought it would change, but it didn’t. I stood in that council room and when the crystal showed blue, when everyone looked surprised, I realized nothing would ever change. I’ve always been on the outskirts of everything, never a real part of anything no matter how hard I try. Maybe that’s why I’m so difficult, because at least then people notice me. I matter for a little while. I guess I never outgrew my ‘even bad attention is still attention’ stage.”

“You matter to more people than you realize.”

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