Page 90 of Devious Gambit

“No, I’ve gotta get back.”

I felt his hand pat my shoulder followed by the word, “Sorry,” float about my ears. I heard my family farewell Max and walk him out to the front door, but I’d fallen into a dark place in my mind, barely registering what was going on around me. It’s been sometime since I felt this low when I crawled into the crevices of my mind where only bad thoughts are.

“I’m fully aware it’s not your cup of tea,” I heard my grandma’s voice. She was the only one left at the table as everyone else was in the hallway saying their goodbyes to Max. “But you’ll get used to it.”

“And if I don’t?” I glanced up at her as she took a small sip from her sherry glass.

She smacked her lips and dabbed the corners of her mouth with her napkin. “Happiness is a choice, my dear boy. You can either get on with it and find the joy in small things, or you can spend the rest of your life in a bad mood, stewing on what might have been.”

I thought even she would have an ounce of sympathy for my situation. Obviously, I was wrong.

“You can always go swimming in the ocean on your holidays,” she added as if that was supposed to make me feel better. That’s been the problem my entire life. My family struggled to conceive that diving the oceans and working as a scientist was a ‘real’ career, viewing it as a pastime or a phase that I’d grow out of. I was almost twenty and the hunger to explore the world’s vast oceans, and examine the creatures that bury themselves in the sea floor still lit a fire in my belly. I couldn’t imagine ever growing tired of it.

“Yeah,” I agreed, struggling to find the enthusiasm to open my mouth and speak. “I guess I could dive in my spare time.”

When the family came back to the table, I pretended everything was okay. I wiped the gloom off my face, sat up in my chair and made fun of Erin who hit back quick with jokes about jocks. She was right, now was not the time to think of my own desires, but to consider the family. Grandpa was dying for fuck sakes and I was selfishly thinking about my future.

Deep down inside, I still felt numb and invisible, like someone trying to speak with a mouthful of water. No one could hear me. No one could understand me. I was mute.

THIRTY FIVE

Rhys

I’d suddenly lost my appetite.

Only moments ago, my stomach was groaning with hunger. Now it was swelling with nerves. The Friday night girl by the gym was closer to me than I realized. She took three of my classes and sat nearby me in every one, always trying to make conversation with me. It was her, the girl who wore a pink headband to tame her loose brown curls. It was her, the prissy girl from a wealthy family with a mole on her cheek and a latest model IPhone in her hand. Becca.

“Did you see them?” I asked. “I mean, did you get a good look at your attackers?”

She shook her head as shame twisted across her face. “Not really, I mean…I don’t know. It was dark and they were dressed in black. Apparently, you got a good look at two of them.”

“Two of them came after me and I recognized them from Stads. They took their balaclavas off when a bunch of students walked by. I guess they thought I wouldn’t go to the police. But…”

“But?”

“I was too afraid to tell police at first. Then he died.” By my hand.

“Died?” she asked.

My heart took a leap in my chest. I slipped up. “I mean, disappeared. Sorry, I’m getting confused. The other one is dead.”

“Other one?”

“Liam Greene. I’m so sorry that happened to you,” I urged, really meaning it.

“If you hadn’t turned up when you did, I don’t know where I’d be right now. I owe you my life.”

I shook my head. “Anyone would’ve done that.”

“I don’t think so. They were big guys and there were four of them.”

“How did...? Tell me if I’m crossing a line, but how did you find yourself there alone?”

“It’s a bit embarrassing, but a boy that I’d been dating, asked to meet me behind the locker rooms by the Southside sports field. At first, I found it odd and out of character because he wanted to meet me 10PM, which was really late. I really liked this boy and went there because he said he had a surprise for me.”

“Can I ask who this boy is?”

“He had nothing to do with it. He lost his phone that morning and we assumed afterwards that it was stolen and used to lure me to the scene. His phone still hasn’t been found.”

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