Page 98 of The Only Goal

Reality is harsh and filled with unexpected pregnancies and fatal car accidents and the only girl you’ve ever loved walking back into your life for a fleeting moment, stealing your heart all over again, and then leaving you gasping for air.

Part of me wishes I’d never had the second chance in the first place.

But then I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

I got to love Tammy the way I always wanted. I got to show her a piece of my soul.

Shit, I’m always going to love her.

There is no other girl.

There was no other goal.

She’s always been it for me.

And I just let her walk away.

CHAPTER 48

TAMMY

“I don’t suppose you’ve heard from Baxter?” I ask, my insides roiling as I wait for a response. I shouldn’t even be asking, but I can’t help myself. The number of times I’ve pulled out my phone and stared at his contact details.

But I haven’t had the courage to call him.

I shouldn’t.

He’s my friend, but… for those fleeting few days, he was so much more. My heart hurts every time I think about it.

Rachel clears her throat. “He’s texted a few times, but…” Her voice is soft through the phone, and I press it closer to my ear, wishing I was sitting in the kitchen at Ponderosa and helping her prepare food while we chatted. She always made me feel so comfortable and at ease.

I want to be back there with a desperate pull that’s overwhelming.

But I made the right choice for my son.

Right?

Kai and I are trying to settle back into our normal routine. I took him to an indoor playground yesterday—the big one he loves so much—and watched him have fun on the slides and in the ball pit. I even made myself jump in with him, pretending to be a sea monster and crawling through the plastic balls with growls while he giggled and shouted at his imaginary crew. “Don’t let the sea monster sink our ship!”

It was a sweet moment of reprieve. Kai’s laughter is the best sound in the world.

It’s taking a lot of energy to be the playful mother I used to be, but I have to keep doing it—hiding my pain for the sake of my son.

Tomorrow, I’m supposed to be meeting up with another mom from the Skip-A-Doo music class Kai and I attend on Fridays. We’re going to the library together so Kai can get out some new picture books. It’ll be great. I have to make it be great, because Kai needs my smiles. He needs to know that everything is okay.

I also need to go shopping and get his Halloween costume organized. Our street will be doing a special trick-or-treat like we always do, and Hudson’s promised to be home in time for it.

He’s promised a lot of things this week. He’s been trying to step up in every way he can, and yet it still doesn’t feel like enough.

“I’m not sure how long Baxter will stay with his dad. According to Liam, he only goes for short visits because he doesn’t love his hometown or something. We don’t know all the details. Baxter’s always been a closed-off guy.” Rachel’s voice is sad, and I wonder how badly she’s missing him.

It can’t be as much as I do.

The last two nights, huddling against the side of my bed so no part of my body can touch Hudson’s, I’ve ached for Baxter in ways I can’t even describe.

We had one full night together, and it’s ruined me for life. Falling asleep with his arms around me, cocooned by his body… I’m never going to experience that again, and it breaks my heart.

Why hadn’t I seen him sooner?

---