Page 77 of The Only Goal

My insides twist. I don’t want to think about that right now. Tammy and I had the best weekend. She cares about me.

But does she love you?

Or are you just a fling to satiate some long-lost need that wasn’t met back at that swimming hole?

With a thick swallow, I turn my back, grateful when I hear the front door open and the guys come in with all their gear. I dart out of the kitchen to help them, only just catching Kai’s voice behind me.

“Good… Because a dog lives here. He’s barking.”

I’m sure Hudson is telling him how cool puppies are and offering to buy him one if he comes back home.

Shit! Is Hudson going to convince Tammy to change her mind about the divorce? Is he going to woo Kai back and make him beg Mommy to take him home?

I’m going to lose them.

I can already feel it coming.

Walking out into the entryway, I watch Casey pick up an excited Fezzik and greet him. Lani appears behind me, and Asher’s face lights up. He pulls her into a hug, murmuring something against her cheek.

She starts to laugh. “Just wait until I tell you about my afternoon.”

A fresh envy that I’ve never felt before scorches me.

I want what they’ve got.

I want to walk in the door and have a woman greet me and offer to tell me about her day.

You did, just before.

Yeah, and then her husband called. And even when he’s officially her ex, he’s still going to call… because he’s Kai’s father.

A bitter acid fills my stomach as I walk up the stairs and decide to hide away in my room until dinner. In fact, who needs dinner? Maybe I’ll just spend the evening up here. That way I don’t have to pretend that I’m fine and nothing is bothering me. Shit, I wish I had the excuse of studying. I used that all the time at Hockey House, hiding away in my room so I didn’t have to deal.

I’ve always been that way. But after Mom died, it got so much worse. She was taken so suddenly that I didn’t even know what to do with the pain inside me. Watching Tammy marry Hudson the week before didn’t help, and I was sucked into this vortex of despair.

Hiding away is just easier, you know? It takes so much energy to put on a show.

Shutting the door behind me, I flop onto my bed like a starfish, staring at the ceiling I painted over the summer and once again lamenting the past.

* * *

It’s dark by the time there’s a soft knock at my door.

I’m writing in my journal and am tempted to stay quiet, but after a soft huff, I murmur, “Come in.”

Tammy’s face appears, her smile gentle and sad. “Hey. You okay?”

“Yeah.” I nod, placing the pen between the pages and setting it on my nightstand.

“You were really quiet at dinner.”

I shrug, kind of wishing I hadn’t gone down after all. Manners forced me to the dining room, so I ate and listened while Casey told stories that made Kai laugh. The kid seriously adores the guy. Rachel ended up telling everyone about Mikayla’s hot sauce incident, and I swear the smile on Ethan’s face was glowing. He loves how crazy his lil’ mouse is. Lani talked about school, and Asher talked about business with Rachel. Conversation flowed all around me, and I sat watching it all like I usually do, trying my best not to look at Tammy, because every time I did, it hurt.

And now she’s standing in my doorway.

I beckon her in, because I can’t help myself.

She looks soft and vulnerable tonight—her eyes bigger than usual, glinting with a tumultuous look that makes me want to wrap her in a hug.

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