Page 40 of The Only Goal

I can’t even describe the emotions running through me right now. On the one hand, I’ve just met a guy who’s giving me major butterflies and love bubbles. On the other, I’m watching the person I thought would be my friend for life walking away like I mean nothing to him.

CHAPTER 18

BAXTER

Present day…

She means everything to me. That’s why I’m hiding away upstairs, painting and not engaging with her.

Yes, it seems idiotic, but that hug yesterday—that one simple hug—was enough to remind me why I have to keep my distance.

I’m still in love with her.

I’ve known this all along, but now that she’s here, it’s so much more potent. Watching her with Kai, seeing her interact with my friends. She may have changed some, but she’s still Tammy at her core. And I love that woman.

Being around her is wonderful and heartbreakingly painful at the same time.

I want to grab her in my arms and beg her never to go back to Hudson. I want to promise her that I can take care of her and love her the way she deserves.

I want to tell her how I feel, but that’s so unfair, right?

How can I dump that on her?

She’s got enough to deal with and doesn’t need my emotional angst on top of it all.

I have to stay strong and silent, just the way I did in high school.

Hudson captured her right from the start, and I didn’t want to get in the way of her happiness. Her smiles around that guy were full beam. The look of adoration on her face every time he walked into a room. Being around them was torture, so it made keeping my distance a little more motivating. But I didn’t just do it for me.

Hudson would have seen me as a threat. I could tell the second I met him that he was a territorial prick. But Tammy wanted him so badly, and I had to back off.

Maybe I backed away too far, I don’t know.

I’ve never been an expert at relationships. Any kind. Talking is hard. Opening up and being vulnerable? I don’t even know how to do that shit.

It’s easier to stay closed off and mind my own business.

I did it in high school; I can do it again.

Tammy needs a safe place to stay while she figures out what to do about Hudson. I can give that to her. And I won’t go messing with her head sharing everything I feel. She doesn’t need that pressure.

And if I’m honest with myself, I doubt I’d ever be able to find the words.

I couldn’t back then.

I didn’t even know what to text her while I was sulking at my grandparents’ place.

When I got back, I looked in the mirror and told my reflection that I needed to get the fuck over myself. I promised I would talk to Tammy as I drove her to school the next day. I was geared up. Terrified but willing.

Then she texted to say she was catching a ride with someone else.

I got to school, saw them flirting by her locker, and I knew it was the end of us.

There was no point in trying to say anything after that. So I backed off.

But now could be your second chance!

The voice in my head is urgent and desperate and… insane.

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