Page 38 of The Only Goal

Our eyes connect, but only for the briefest second.

I stare at the water, wanting to dive back into it and hide beneath the surface.

“I’m, ummm… damn, this is so awkward.” Tammy covers her face, then runs a hand over her head. “I think maybe I’m not ready for this.”

“To talk?” I mumble.

“No. Sex. I’m not ready for sex yet. I don’t know what came over me just then. Maybe curiosity or…” She points to the swimming hole behind her. “Maybe there’s something in the water.” Her laughter is soft and pitiful. “I just think… well, you and I are probably better off as friends, you know?”

She rests her hand on my leg, and I flinch away from her touch. I didn’t mean to—it just happened.

Curling her fingers into a soft fist, she rests it on her knee and stares at the grass. “We shouldn’t cross that line into something more. It won’t work. You’re too good of a friend, you know? I don’t want to lose that.”

“Yeah,” I croak. It’s all I can manage. I want to tell her she’s wrong, that I’ve loved her for years and it could totally work. We don’t have to have sex yet, but I could be her boyfriend. Can’t I just hold her hand and call her mine? That would be more than enough.

I’ve wanted that for so long, and now is the perfect chance to tell her that we can be friends and more.

But I can’t do it.

She wants out of this awkward situation.

She wants friendship and nothing more.

I’m gutted.

It makes it impossible to look at her as we pack up our stuff. Thank God I’m going away tomorrow.

As much as I love her company, I want to get as far from her as I can right now.

Shit. I came on her face.

I’m such a fucking idiot.

It just happened before I could stop it, and now I’ve ruined everything between us.

We could have gone all the way if I’d been able to control myself.

My insides shrivel as we walk back home not saying anything to each other. It’s the longest march of my life. When we reach our houses, there’s no standard high five or secret handshake. We just give each other one long, last look and don’t even say goodbye.

CHAPTER 17

TAMMY

The summer before senior year…

Baxter left this morning, and I didn’t even see him go. I stayed buried under my covers, listening to his family car pull out of the driveway. I cried myself to sleep the night before. I didn’t know what to do with all the emotions coursing through me.

He touched my boobs. No one has ever done that before. He kissed me like I was his oxygen. His tongue was warm and delicious. The feel of his strong arms around me, his hand cupping the back of my head, the way his breaths mingled with mine. The hardness of his muscles… and his dick.

It all felt so amazing. Like nothing I’ve ever experienced.

But then it got awkward.

I’ve swung from hating myself for kissing him to wishing I’d had the guts to wipe his cum off my face and ask him to touch me some more.

It was a compliment that he came so fast, right? It means I turned him on.

But that thought terrifies me too.

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