Page 95 of The Only Goal

Somehow, I have to put Baxter out of my mind and turn the time we just spent together into a precious memory that I can hold and cherish on those nights I’m feeling especially lonely.

CHAPTER 47

BAXTER

Dad was surprised to see me when I showed up on his doorstep, but his smile faded when he took in my expression. He stepped back to let me in. Without Mom around, the house is always painfully quiet. I usually relish quiet, but not within the walls that used to ring with Mom’s laughter.

I don’t know how Dad stands to live here without her.

I don’t know why I came back.

The need to get out of Ponderosa was overwhelming, and I flicked into autopilot, hauling ass home, then realized the second I walked in the door that it can’t be home without her.

And now Ponderosa is going to reek of that same feeling. Because Tammy was there for nearly a whole month, and having her around was perfect. Until, yet again, Hudson came along to ruin everything.

I glare at the flames flickering in the fireplace. I’ve been home for a couple days now and have barely left the house. I did go and help Dad on his latest building project yesterday, but only because it’s just outside town—an old farmhouse that is getting major renovations done. It felt good to work and lose myself in nails and sawdust. On the way back to the house, I slumped low in my seat as we drove down Main Street. The idea of bumping into anyone from Gladstone makes my skin crawl. Anyone but Tammy.

“Shit,” I mutter under my breath, closing my eyes and tipping my head back. The couch cradles my head as I clench my jaw.

“You gonna tell me exactly what happened?” Dad murmurs.

I’ve told him bits and pieces. Little snippets keep dropping out of my mouth when my guard is down.

“I’ve told you already,” I mutter.

Dad sighs. “All you’ve said is that Tammy showed up crying, you took her and Kai in… obviously fell pretty hard all over again…”

My head pops up. “I never said that.”

Dad gives me a side-eye before sipping his beer and then finishing, “Hudson shows up and drags her away. Is that about right?”

“He didn’t drag her, she left. She chose to go.”

“And you didn’t stop her.” His shoulder hitches.

My frown gets deeper. I can feel my eyebrows bunching tight. “What was I supposed to do? He’s her husband. The father of her kid.”

“Did she know how you felt before she walked out that door?”

I close my eyes and nod. “We shared some pretty personal conversations, and…” I shake my head.

I can hear him shuffling in his armchair and creep my eyes open to see that he’s facing me now, studying my expression with a surprised look. “You slept with her, didn’t you?”

Running my tongue over my top teeth, I refuse to answer his question, but my silence no doubt speaks volumes.

“Wow.” Dad settles back in his chair, facing the fire again. “And then you just let her go.”

“What?” I jerk forward. “She chose to go.”

“Did you tell her not to leave you? Did you tell her you love her?”

I open my mouth to try and ward off some of the stinging guilt and remorse riding through me, but no words come out.

Instead, I slump back against the couch with a hard thump.

Dad looks at me again. I can sense his gaze and refuse to meet it.

“I told her she was the only one for me,” I finally murmur. “Told her I’d been saving myself for her.”

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