Page 87 of The Only Goal

I don’t know who she is or how she’s related to Hudson. I don’t know if he’s making it sound like a onetime thing when it might have been going on every time Kai and I visited my parents.

Maybe I should be asking those questions, though. Is she a work colleague? Are you going to see her again? Cheat on me again?

But if I ask that stuff, is that indicating that I want to try and resolve these issues with him? Am I going back to my marriage?

I said I wanted a divorce. I was so clear on that… and now I’m standing here struggling to know what to do.

The bubble Baxter and I lived in last weekend. I want that. When the rest of the world disappears and it’s just the two of us remembering old times and playing games.

But that’s not practical, is it?

I’m not a child anymore. Now I have a child who is relying on me to look after him and provide for him and give him the best life.

I can’t live in my past, reminiscing and playing pretend.

I try to force myself to take the emotion out of this and think logically.

“I’ll take care of you. I’ll do better,” Hudson is saying.

He’s still on his knees, tears streaming down his pale cheeks. I wipe them away without thinking, and he leans in, kissing my palm and smiling up at me.

It’s so obvious he still loves me.

Even though he screwed up, he’s desperate to make amends.

And maybe that would be the easier option, you know?

Kai and I could go back to a place we know. My little man will start preschool where he’s already enrolled. I won’t have to worry about finances or trying to find a job.

It’s all so practically convenient.

Yet it hurts in ways I can’t explain.

But what’s best for Kai?

“I just want a chance to make things right.” Hudson sniffs. “I swear, I’ll make changes for us. I’ll be home earlier. I’ll do better. I’ll be around more. I love you. I don’t want to lose you.”

Staring down at him, I can’t ignore the fact that I loved him once. He swept me off my feet. I married him, didn’t I?

I could have refused.

Really? Could you have?

Closing my eyes against the questions, I bite my bottom lip, my mind flooding with Baxter.

I need to talk to him.

I want his help to figure this out. Maybe he can tell me what to do.

He’ll just beg you to stay, the same way Hudson is begging you to go.

You have to make this choice, Tammy. Only you.

“I just don’t know what to do,” I whisper.

Hudson’s expression crumples, and he rises to his feet, holding my shoulders and leaning his head down to rest against mine.

“Why is this so hard for you? I’m asking you to choose between forgiving me and divorcing me. I’m telling you I won’t let this happen again. Our marriage will be stronger than it’s ever been. Why wouldn’t you choose that over a life of being single and having to share custody… or lose custody of Kai.”

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