Page 44 of The Only Goal

“Yeah, Mom.” My voice quakes. “It’s divorce.”

“But—”

“I’ll talk to you later.” I hang up before she can argue with me and drop the phone on my bed.

Splaying my fingers, I stare down at my wedding and engagement rings, twisting them around my finger and feeling a deep sense of sadness. My fingers start to shake as I sink my teeth into my bottom lip and wriggle the rings off, fisting them in my right hand while I stare at the tan lines on my naked ring finger.

Am I really doing this?

“Shit.” I close my eyes and set my tears free.

I hate that Mom spoke so practically about everything. I hate that she’s got some really solid points.

I can’t just sponge off Baxter and his friends. Guests will be arriving soon. Kai and I will have to move out, find a place. I’ll need to get a job. Kai should properly start preschool soon to prepare for kindergarten, and I’ll need to figure out where we’re going to live.

It’s all so overwhelming.

Can I do this?

Or should I just crawl back to Hudson and accept what he has to offer—a stable life with a side of mistrust? Because how can I ever really trust him again? Every time he calls to tell me he’ll be home late… how will I know he’s not hooking up with another woman?

For that reason alone, divorce makes so much sense. I let that bubbling anger surge through my stomach as I slump back against the pillows and stare up at the ceiling. My insides start to ache as I imagine my life as a solo parent—working, rushing around, stressed. Do I seriously want to put Kai through that? His needs have to come first, right?

But do they always?

Don’t you deserve a little love too?

Someone who puts you first and makes you feel like you’re the only woman in the world?

Closing my eyes, I shake my head to rid myself of that fanciful thought. Does anyone ever really get that?

The way Casey watches Caroline zips through my head, followed swiftly by the joy that washes over Liam’s face every time Rachel enters a room.

Maybe that kind of love does exist.

But could it ever exist for me?

What are my chances of meeting someone when I have a kid in tow?

If I divorce Hudson, there’s a strong possibility that I’ll be single for the rest of my life.

That’s harrowing. I rest my hand on my stomach, gripping my dress again and resisting the urge to throw up.

Glancing at the bedside clock, I check the time and am surprised by how late it’s gotten. Kai will probably be after a snack by now.

Actually, where is he?

I bolt upright, searching the room in case he quietly snuck in while I was distracted by my phone call.

“Kai?” I softly call out.

Getting off the bed, I place my rings on the nightstand and stare at them for a long beat before walking out of the room and hunting the second floor.

I reach the gate that’s blocking the stairs for Fezzik and figure Kai wouldn’t have climbed over it, but then I hear his laughter and I pause.

“Kai?”

What’s he doing up there?

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