Page 121 of The Only Goal

Oh God, I hope he wasn’t calling the police or something.

“Who’d you call, baby?”

“I want to go home,” he wails, a fresh wave of sobs taking him out as he wraps his arms around my neck and crawls onto my lap.

I rub his back, desperate to comfort him and find out what the hell is going on.

“You are home, sweetie.”

“No!” he whines. “I want to go back to Nolan! I miss Fezzik and I want to play hockey and I need a Casey hug and I want to paint with Baxter.” His words are infused with sobbing tears, making it hard to understand everything he’s saying, but I get the gist, and it feels like a wrecking ball through my back.

Leaning away from him, I hold his face, brushing tears away with my thumbs and trying to smile at him. Who knows what the hell my lips are doing. They feel wobbly and out of control… much like my voice does.

“You miss them, huh?”

Kai nods. “It was fun there. And the noise was happy. Happy yelling. Not angry… sad… scary yelling.” He’s hiccupping between each word, his chest shuddering as fresh tears pop out of his eyes.

I can’t deny my own, and they trail down my cheeks as I try to apologize. “I’m sorry that I scared you. I was talking with Daddy, and I got mad. I didn’t mean to frighten you.” I kiss his forehead and hug him close. “And I really would love to take you back to Nolan, but there’s some stuff we have to work out first.”

“What stuff?”

“You know… um…” My voice shakes. “When you’ll see Daddy, and when you’ll see me, and?—”

“I have to be with you.” Kai jerks back. “You’re my mommy. You have to look after me.”

“I’m going to, kiddo,” I assure him, forcing a smile I’m far from feeling. “I’m not gonna leave you. You’re my favorite.”

My words calm him a little, but he’s still tense when I pull him back to my chest.

He’s going to want to know what stuff I’m talking about, and he’s too young to understand court mandates and lawyers and custody battles.

I hate that I’m going to have to put him through this, and I’m close to bending. To giving in and sentencing myself to a loveless marriage.

But I can’t do that.

Somehow, Hudson and I need to find a way through this… for all our sakes.

Rocking Kai against me, I hold him close until he goes soft and pliable in my arms. He always falls asleep so quickly, this one, and I can’t help a smile as I cradle him against me and stand.

Walking back out into the master bedroom, I’m intent on settling my son back to bed but stop short when I spot Hudson.

He’s sitting on the bed, the bourbon bottle resting on his knees, his eyes glassy as he glares at me. “He wants to go home, huh?”

I bite my lips together, lightly resting my cheek on Kai’s head. “We’ll keep explaining how this all works to him. He’s young and confused and scared by our yelling. We need to really work on keeping things light and friendly around him, okay? We can’t scare him like this again.”

Hudson’s lips purse, and he sniffs, resting his hand on his knee.

“How many guys were you staying with, Tammy?” His voice is bitter. “Sounds like you had quite the harem going on there.”

I hope my look is scathing enough as I tip my head and glare at him. “The house was full of people. Baxter lives with a bunch of wonderful friends, and they were very kind to Kai.”

“Especially Baxter?” he spits.

“Yeah.” I nod, boldly meeting his glare head-on. “Baxter’s amazing with him. He’s amazing with me and…” I let out a soft sigh, licking my lips and looking away from Hudson. “I know this hurts you, and I’m sorry about that. But I love him. I think I always loved him; I just didn’t see it until it was too late.” My voice catches when I glance back at him.

Hudson’s expression gets a shade darker, his mouth set in a thin line as he absorbs that information. Shit, maybe I shouldn’t have told him.

Am I just making things harder for myself?

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