Page 111 of The Only Goal

It might be irrational. It’s not like he’s around to know it.

The thought burns bright in my mind, and I end up slapping the fridge closed after opening it.

Hudson pulls off his tie with a weary groan. “Okay, what? What have I done now?”

“Nothing.” I shake my head, then frown. “Why would you ask that?”

“Because you look pissed… or something. Do you not believe that I was with a client? Because I was. Had to sit through the guy’s long-ass tirade on some political shit while smiling like I wanted to be there. I wasn’t off with some woman, okay? You’ve got to trust me, Tam. I told you I wouldn’t cheat on you again, and I meant it.”

I bite my lips together and cross my arms, staring at the floor and willing myself to say it.

Just say it!

“I don’t think I can do this.”

“Do what?”

My eyes sting with tears as I look back at his face. “Stay.”

His lips pinch into a hard line. Resting his hands on his hips, he mutters under his breath. “It’s been less than week. You’ve barely tried!”

“I don’t want to try.” My voice is so soft in contrast to his barking, and I wish I could be stronger.

“Is this because of Baxter?” he growls. “I knew that guy was going to ruin everything.”

“This has nothing to do with Baxter.” And part of me knows I need that to be true. I can’t leave Hudson just to be with Baxter. I need to leave him for me. I need to walk out that door knowing I’m risking single motherhood for the rest of my life. There’s no guarantee Baxter will want me back. He told me to go. He walked away.

But you’re the only girl he’s ever wanted! He’s always been yours.

I snap my eyes shut against his sweet face when he said those words to me. I can’t think about that right now. This decision has to be made because… “We never should have gotten married.”

I open my eyes in time to see Hudson clench his jaw and look away from me.

My stomach starts to hurt. “I’m sorry, but you know I’m right. If I hadn’t gotten pregnant?—”

“I would have asked you after college.”

“How do you know? Neither of us went to college. We lost our chance of growing up and figuring out who we wanted to be. We were thrust into adulthood with zero say in the matter. Your parents found you your job with your uncle. They helped finance this house. Everything has been decided for us.”

“You could have said no when I proposed.”

“In front of the whole school? Are you kidding me?” I shoot him an incredulous look. “There was no way our parents would have accepted anything other than our marriage. And for a fleeting second, I thought it just might work. I thought I could settle and be the wife you needed me to be. But then…” I tip my head with a hopeless frown.

“Then what!” He starts pacing.

I let out a sad sigh. “The closer we got to Kai’s birth, the tenser you became. And then after he was born…” I shook my head. “You didn’t want to be a father at nineteen. It’s okay to admit that.”

His face bunches into a deep scowl.

“And working your ass off all the time, just to avoid having to be a parent, is wearing you down. And it’s wearing me down. We need to stop playing pretend.”

“I’m not pretending,” he snaps.

“Hudson,” I whisper. “You cheated on me. And—” I hold up my finger to stop him from interrupting. “You wouldn’t have done that if things between us were great and wonderful… and the way they should be. You were looking for an out. Whether it’s conscious or not… you want an out.”

He’s shaking his head but not verbally disagreeing with me.

Maybe deep down he knows he’d be lying if he tried.

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