Page 88 of Hers for the Weekend

It sounded so simple when Tara put it that way.

“I was hoping the job would be a gesture to show you I was serious, so you would take my call for me to tell you I was sorry. Which I am. Incredibly, immensely sorry. I’m figuring myself out, so I don’t keep repeating this pattern.” All of this came out in a rush, and Tara was quiet again, so Holly kept going, trying to fill the silence.

“Okay, yes, I hate capitalism, but I also hate being on my feet for eight hours a day and getting my ass slapped by customers, and my tips shorted by asshole rich bros. Besides, Rosenstein’s is a legacy family business. It’s not like I’m answering phones at Haliburton.”

Biting her lip, Holly continued. “I wanted to show you that I was serious about us, and I felt like I needed to prove that I was willing to compromise…”

“Oh, Holly.” Tara sighed. “I would never want you to give up something that matters so much to you. That’s not a responsible way for us to start something.”

“You quit your job!” Holly protested. She knew this from Ernie, who kept her updated on the comings and goings of the Carrigan’s crew, even though she said Holly should “probably talk to them herself.” “Was that some kind of ‘Gift of the Magi’ thing? I can’t decide you were right, but you can decide I was?”

“I didn’t quit my job so we could be together someday,” Tara argued. “Honestly, I didn’t think we ever could be together someday. I quit my job because I really, really needed to, and because I decided if I ever let myself fall all the way in love, I wanted to be ready.”

“Well, I didn’t quit my job for us, either. I did it for me.” Then, what Tara had said sunk in. “All the way?” Holly asked, holding her breath. “Did you fall… part of the way in love with me?”

“I know, it doesn’t make any sense,” Tara said, sounding embarrassed.

Holly shook her head and laughed a sad little laugh. “No, no, I mean, yes, it doesn’t make sense, but I started to fall, too. I’m glad I wasn’t alone. But what do we do now? Did we screw it up forever?”

This time, when there was silence, she let it stretch. Somehow she knew it was a different kind of a quiet, and she needed to give Tara time to say whatever she was going to say. Even if Holly held her breath the whole time.

“I want to jump in,” Tara said. “I want to say it’s all okay. You apologized. You named a line of pastry after me! And I owe you so much for showing me that I wanted more out of life. I want you in my life. Hell, I might need you in my life.”

Holly scoffed. “Sloane, you have Cole and the Carrigan’s crew. You have everyone you’ve ever needed.”

“I don’t think that’s true,” Tara argued. “Do you know the story of the Snow Queen? Not the Elsa version, but the Hans Christian Andersen one?”

“Sure, trolls make a mirror that distorts peoples’ perceptions, it shatters, gets in a kid’s eye, he becomes a grumpy little snot,” Holly said. “The library has a lot of fairy-tale audiobooks available on their app. I spend a lot of time in the car.”

She almost made a self-deprecating comment about being poorly educated but well-read, but she bit her tongue. Tara knew she hadn’t gone to college, and Holly was going to believe her when she said it didn’t bother her.

“Well, I think I sort of had a shard in my eye. Some ice inside me made it impossible for me to see love when it was given to me. No one managed to melt that in me. Not Cole or Miriam. You showed up, and in a week all my walls fell, when Cole had been laying siege to them for years. I want to see what that means, because I’m pretty sure it’s something extraordinary. You’re extraordinary.”

“But?” Holly asked, her heart in her throat. After a speech like that, why did it still sound like there was a “but” at the end?

“Well, first, it’s going to take time for me to learn how to let myself be happy, again. To learn to stop punishing myself and calling it restitution. Also, I feel like… maybe we should get to know each other? No fake dating, no Shenanigans—”

“No Shenanigans?!” Holly interrupted, a little appalled.

“Minimal Shenanigans,” Tara amended.

Thank God.

Holly thought about this. “What would that look like?”

“Texts? Video calls? Emails? I don’t know, some kind of slow dating that’s not just jumping all in and hoping everything works out?” Tara said.

It seemed kind of like shutting the barn door after the horses got out, but Holly didn’t say that. It was more than she’d hoped Tara would be willing to give her, and she was more than happy to take it slow if it meant she got to take it anywhere at all.

“I’m not moving to the South,” Holly said. “Or to Carrigan’s, for that matter. I don’t have some deep-seated trauma to unpack, and it’s weird that the magic cat keeps collecting people.”

“I know,” Tara agreed. “Right at this instant, I’m also not moving back to the South. I’m taking an enforced hiatus above the Mason-Dixon while I find myself or whatever. Someday I’ll go back. But in the meantime, your job is mobile and I’d like to see more of the country, so I figure we can see each other in all kinds of cool places. After all, no self-respecting lesbians would let a little thing like distance get in the way of being together. I’d like to try, if you would.”

“I’d like that,” Holly said.

Chapter 29

Tara

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