“Enough so as to make no never mind. Jadren, you can do what none of us can, not even the most powerful healer among us. How could you not want to harness that ability? It makes me want to… urgh!” Liat coiled her fingers in the air, emitting a sound he’d never heard from the composed healer. “I could just throttle you sometimes. And that is not an urge I’m accustomed to having. You push me past all reason, I swear!”
Jadren waited a beat. “I do have that effect on people.”
Liat swiveled her head to glare at him, wizard-black eyes snapping, then huffed out a laugh despite herself. “You’re incorrigible.”
“It’s true,” he agreed, flashing a grin, then sobering. If he didn’t have healing magic, then they truly were wasting their time at House Refoel. “I don’t know what to do,” he confessed, past caring about putting up a brave front for Liat. He wished Seliah was there and winced, rubbing a hand over his forehead, recalling what a beast he’d been to her. I don’t even recognize you anymore.
“Well,” Liat said philosophically, folding her hands inside her sleeves. “There’s only so much you can do at this point. It’s clear that we healers have no more to teach you than anyone else.”
“All of this time, wasted,” he said with considerable bitterness. He had been spinning his wheels here. Having that panicked suspicion confirmed didn’t make him any happier.
“Not wasted. You needed time to heal.”
“So this has all been make-work to keep me occupied?”
“Not at all. You learned core competencies in your other magics. You have learned to work better with Seliah. You need her in more ways than I think you realize. Also, I hoped that…” She trailed off with uncharacteristic uncertainty, then gave him a wry, rueful smile, patting him on the knee. “I blame personal hubris. I couldn’t quite believe that we couldn’t break through at all, that I couldn’t find a way for you to grasp something I’ve taught to thousands of students. I’m a good healer, but I’m an excellent teacher. I didn’t want to acknowledge that I can’t teach you.”
“Every irresistible force eventually meets up with an immovable object,” he observed. “Apparently I’m the one in thousands that can’t be taught.”
“That’s not it,” she said, brightening with enthusiasm, turning at an angle to face him. “I can’t teach you healing because you’re not a healer. I can drill you in the basics until I’m blue in the face, but no one in House Refoel can teach you to master the magic that makes you what you are at your core.”
“A monster,” he offered with a tooth-baring grin.
“In a sense, maybe yes.”
“Wow, thanks ever so.”
She shrugged a little. “Have you ever heard of the term ‘hopeful monsters’?”
“Is that supposed to be a chirpy version of me?”
She laughed, genuinely amused this time. “The chirpy version of you is hard to imagine. No, the term comes from evolutionary theory. That, as species evolve, refining their ability to flourish in a given ecological niche—or a new and changing one—it isn’t always a gradual process. There’s a theory that some creatures are born that are so different from the norm that they’re essentially monsters, and that they represent a great leap in the species. Like being born with webbing that allows them to glide through the air right as their ecological niche is flooded.”
“So, hopefully, they can glide from tree to tree and not drown.”
“In this example, yes.”
“And you think I’m a magical hopeful monster.” Liat, along with everyone else, including himself, had no idea what Jadren’s mother had done to create him. But he was pretty confident it had nothing to do with anything natural.
“I think you represent something new. Perhaps a step in another direction. I’m really not qualified to speculate.”
“Even though you are,” he pointed out wryly.
“Even though I am,” she acknowledged. “But my main point is, I think there is only one place where you can learn the truth. Only one person who can teach you.”
If he possessed a heart, it would have sunk. “Don’t say it.”
“Not saying it aloud doesn’t make the truth disappear,” Liat chided gently.
“I’m not going back to El-Adrel. Ever. Nothing can make me.” He sounded five years old and, in that moment, didn’t care in the least.
“No one is making you. You and Seliah have a home here in Refoel as long as you desire it. I will continue to teach you, at least the skills I’m able to. By the by, I do believe you have the ability to put Seliah in alternate form. Your magical potential is there. Your focus, when you muster it, is admirable. And Seliah absolutely has the power to fuel the transformation, along with a committed interest in discovering it. The only aspect lacking is your own discipline to refine the skill to the point you need to be.”
“Comforting.”
“It’s not my job to be comforting. Go to Maya for that. I’ll also point out that, in addition to Refoel, you have a home at House Phel, much as you disdain their prospects.”
“I don’t disdain their prospects. I’m simply a realist about their total lack of a viable future.”