Page 13 of Rogue Familiar

Sage eventually wore herself out—and Nic used that as a teaching moment, too, explaining that a wizard’s endurance for performing magic depended as much on their physical stamina as on the magic available. Then Nic had dashed Selly’s fragile hope of a reprieve, summoning other crafts wizards from around the house. Dahlia arrived in all her stylish glory, making new Ophiel gowns for Nic, Selly, and Quinn, who’d elected to stay and learn from observation while her sister rested.

Selly nearly didn’t ask for anything for herself, but finally summoned her nerve to request some clothing appropriate for her quest to find Jadren. To her surprise, Nic not only agreed, but approved, helping Dahlia design simple, close-fitting clothing for Selly that could be layered for various climates and also accessorized to pass for more formal appearances.

“It always pays to look fashionable and wealthy in the Convocation,” Nic advised, “and to be prepared for wherever your travels might take you,” she added cryptically, making Selly wonder where Nic thought she’d eventually find Jadren—or follow him to, if she couldn’t convince him to come home. Before she could ask, Nic had set her to another round of working, this time with the Ratisbon wizard, Wolfgang. With the surfeit of Selly’s magic, he made extra furniture for the many empty rooms awaiting more Phel minions, to increased grumbling from the people called in to cart the pieces off, while his familiar, Costa, taught Quinn a risqué card game that had them both giggling in the corner.

When Selly, feeling grumpy and put upon, suggested they take a break—she really wanted to know what had Quinn and Costa laughing so hard—Nic briskly told her that, unless she was crying uncle, to suck it up and keep working. All the while, Nic had been working on correspondence, in between coming up with new ways to try Selly’s patience and endurance, sending and receiving various messages both in-house and out via Ratsiel courier. The woman was indefatigable, and Selly found herself unwilling to raise the white flag of surrender before Nic did.

Selly sagged in physical relief, however, when Nic finally called it a day, saying they needed to dress for dinner. When Selly tried to beg off, Nic airily informed her that she had new gowns to show off and that she could use practice with the grooming imps anyway. And that, besides, as a lady of House Phel, Selly had social obligations that she’d been allowed to shirk for far too long. She’d have to learn, Nic added, that a familiar’s duties didn’t come to a screeching halt just because one was tired. Sitting through dinner wasn’t much to ask, after all.

Nic had swept out before Selly could form a retort to that, and Quinn caught her arm with a sympathetic squeeze. “That’s exactly how Nic’s maman trained her,” Quinn explained, blue eyes soft with compassion. “You just received a crash course in Convocation Academy training and House Elal etiquette today. It was a lot—I learned quite a few things I hadn’t known before—but Nic is doing this for your own good.”

“Lady Phel clearly believes you’ll be going after your wizard sooner rather than later,” Costa agreed, managing to make the words sound suggestive. “What does it feel like, being separated from your bonded wizard?” Both familiars regarded her with intent interest. Wolfgang had also departed, leaving the three of them alone. By design, Selly wondered?

“It feels wrong,” she admitted. The pulling of the attenuating bond, like part of her being extruded from her very core, had added to the grinding work of the day. Everything in her wanted to go after Jadren immediately. If she didn’t trust Nic implicitly, she’d already be gone. “Like a part of me is strained, being drawn out and tugging at me. Like a fish on the line—only I’m not fighting the reel and the hook doesn’t hurt. I want to go, but it’s as if the other end is getting farther away and I can’t leave my pond.”

Costa considered that, his narrow, handsome face thoughtful. “That’s probably an apt analogy. Poor little fishy with no feet,” he added, not unsympathetically as he patted her arm, then gave her a sharp look. “Why did Wizard Jadren leave anyway? Everyone is dying to know.”

Because Nic had lectured her extensively on the importance of discretion on this topic, Selly tried to look woeful. “Who am I to understand the ways of wizards?”

That didn’t satisfy Costa in the least. “Still, you must have some—”

“Will you really go after him?” Quinn asked, clearly intrigued, but also cutting off Costa’s persistent curiosity with a reproving glance.

“I must go after him, mustn’t I?” Selly asked in return, weariness tempting her to be melodramatic. Instead she just sounded tired. “A familiar belongs with their wizard.”

Quinn and Costa nodded in agreement, though neither echoed the sentiment aloud. It made Selly wonder if the rumor about severing bonds had made the rounds also. Fortunately, she had been able to escape further interrogation by racing off to dress for dinner. She’d even taken pains to groom herself to high-house standards, if only to prove to Nic that she knew how.

It gave her an almost physical ache, however, that Jadren wouldn’t see her. He’d bestowed few compliments on her, but the ones he had—especially when he’d told her she looked gorgeous cleaned up—stuck in her mind. Those would stick out, since they were one of the few occasions that he’d said something nice about her when he wasn’t out of his head.

That probably meant their relationship was bizarre and backwards, but she craved more of that, more of his ardent attention. She deeply feared she’d never have it again. The sense of crippling loss, on top of the magical exhaustion, had almost sent her crawling under the covers. Only knowing Nic would likely come drag her out had Selly marching herself to dinner with a false smile plastered over her lips.

Gabriel had given her a somewhat surprised and definitely assessing look as she sat at his right hand—apparently her rightful and lofty place as his sister—but thankfully he didn’t question her. They’d talked of light subjects over the meal, aware of the attention focused on the head of the table, Nic playing the scintillatingly entertaining hostess to the hilt. She kept everyone engaged, giving the appearance of having no greater care in the world than whether her guests were satisfied with the meal. Selly figured this was yet another lesson in comporting herself as a familiar and paid close attention, though she doubted she’d ever be able to emulate that sort of bright social chatter.

At last she was now back in her room, where she’d longed to be for hours. Perversely, she regretted being alone almost immediately. She stood in the center of the room, realizing that it still held all the detritus of the disastrous seduction attempt from the night before. When she’d come in to dress earlier, she’d been focused on the task. Now, with the leisure of aloneness, she could see only the foolish, girlish hope she’d practically oozed with the night before. The evidence of her innocent happiness now struck her as ridiculous.

Turning in a circle, she took it all in—the room that had never really been hers, even post-redecorating. Yes, she’d ruthlessly eliminated the remnants of her lost girlhood, the dolls and pastel colors gone, and had replaced them with a more adult theme, but she’d conceived the new scheme with Jadren in mind, thinking about what would please him, foolishly fantasizing about how they’d share these rooms together as lovers.

Even worse was the bedraggled evidence of her childish vision of romance—the wilted flowers, the discarded wine, the candles that had melted down and guttered out while she slept.

No, not slept, she reminded herself ruthlessly. While she was unconscious, drugged by whatever potion Jadren had given her. He’d held out the glass of wine and smiled at her with that wicked mouth, those wizard-black eyes staring into hers with sensual challenge. She’d offered herself naked to him and he’d kissed her with all the longing she could wish for, caressing her and arousing her… That had been a kiss like no other between them, though they’d admittedly had so few. It had been dreamily romantic, intimate, and full of all that Jadren hadn’t put into words.

It had been a goodbye.

With the too-acute vision of hindsight, with her initial anger dulled into grief, she could now see how evasive Jadren had been, all the clues he’d dropped about his intentions to walk away from her, to save her from himself—or, perhaps more to the point, to liberate himself from her, the familiar he’d never wanted.

When she’d stood there naked before him, he’d said as much. Thank you for this gift of yourself. I want you to know that, as much as I’m capable of it, I appreciate this. All of this. And he’d watched her drink the wine he’d drugged, kissed her until she was so woozy she couldn’t stand, and walked away.

As much as I’m capable of it.

I’m gone. Don’t bother looking as I won’t be found.

The memory simultaneously depressed and energized her magically. Apparently even the memory of sexual interaction could recharge her magic, which was good to know. At least now, thanks to Nic, she understood what was happening.

This enervating sadness though…

What if Jadren truly wanted to be free of her? It was so difficult to know with him, scathing and distant one moment, so intensely focused on her the next. Which was the real Jadren? It could be that both were equally real, that he battled himself as much as anything. She absolutely believed that was true.

And maybe it didn’t matter because the plain truth of it was that Jadren had drugged her so he could escape her. He wasn’t playing a game; he wanted to be free of her and had taken extreme steps to achieve that. Alise was right that Jadren had violated the sacred precept of the Convocation, the responsibility to care for his familiar. He’d also betrayed their friendship. Because she knew she wasn’t crazy. Not about that. She hadn’t imagined the connection between them. Besides, Jadren had admitted to Gabriel that he loved her. But he hadn’t told Selly that very important bit of information.

---