Page 49 of The Comeback

I force myself to call Dalton. I want to put it off, but he’s probably seen pictures of me and Jett on the sidelines. They’re everywhere on social media, with heart emojis and questions about whether Jett and I are really just friends and what happened to Hayden Reid. Despite getting tagged over and over, Hayden hasn’t responded at all—no comments and no posts of her own. I’m grateful for that. I don’t think she’s a bad person, just not the type of woman Jett should be with.

It’s a joke to think I should be arbitrating that.

Plenty of people who know both Jett and me have made their own comments about our relationship in the past. They’re high school sweethearts! I hope they’re getting back together. And They almost got married a while ago. They never should’ve broken up. They were the cutest couple. Plus there are a lot of comments along the thread of Look at them. Obviously there’s still something between them. Plenty of heart-eyed emojis and hearts to go around. I’ve already gotten messages from dozens of friends about us supposedly getting back together. I’m ignoring them, only answering my family with a copied-and-pasted text that we’re just friends.

It’s fine.

But Dalton deserves a call after everything we’ve been talking about, and I don’t want to make him guess about what that picture means. I head out to the beach to pace and call him. I allow only a minute or so of chitchat before I dive right in. “I’m sure you’ve seen some stuff with me and Jett.”

Dalton pauses for what feels like a long time. “Yeah.”

“So I guess I’m calling to tell you that you were right to be cautious. Even though he’s never going to forgive me for breaking up with him, I’m still in love with him. I can’t lead you on with that hanging over me. I’m sorry. I’m just really, really sorry?—”

“Ava. Take a breath,” he says. He waits and I obey, making it obvious. “Why are you apologizing to me?”

“Because we were going to do dinner, and I’ve kind of ruined everything.” It sounds dumb coming out of my mouth. We’re friends.

“Can I be honest? I’ve known there wasn’t a chance since I saw the way he looked at you at Colby’s house after that football game. The same way he’s always looked at you. Yeah, I wanted this to be my time, but I always figured it was a long shot.”

“I’m sorry,” I mumble again. My insides are wiggling, but not just because of the guilt I feel for trying to pursue something with Dalton. I want what he says to be true about how Jett feels about me. And it might be true, but I remind myself it’s not enough.

“It’s fine, Ava. Really. I’m a big boy.” He chuckles softly. It’s so warm and genuine that I lower myself slowly into the sand and relax for the first time during this conversation. “So what are you going to do now?”

“What do you mean?” I scowl at the gray water in front of me.

“You can’t keep walking away when things get tough,” he says gently, and it stings because that’s what Jett said last night. “The things you care about, they matter. Jett, Gabriella, fundraising. All of it. Don’t walk away because you’re scared of getting hurt.”

I press my lips together. “I’m not doing that,” but my voice is small. Mrs. Page’s actions at The Hope Sanctuary Alliance event shattered me, and failing Chelsea hurt and left me unsure of myself. So I stopped putting myself in that position. And even though I know I could use my talents for good for Gabriella, I’ve refused, scared of what it would mean if I made mistakes.

Over the last seven and a half years I’ve thought about what I should have done differently when I broke up with Jett, but it’s run along the lines of not giving up on texting and calling him or how I should have tried harder to reconnect with him later. Dalton confirming Jett’s assertion that I ran away makes me pause. Think about it from a different perspective. There were options eighteen-year-old me ignored in my crusade to save Jett from what I thought would be a lifetime of bitterness and resentment: I could have asked him to take a break to focus on his dream but assured him I’d be right there waiting, just in the background. I could have gone home but kept dating him. I could have taken time off school and worked until we were financially stable again. All I wanted was his happiness, and I thought he would never be happy without football.

“Ava?” Dalton asks, stirring me from my complicated thoughts. “Are you mad at me?”

I let out a rush of breath. “Ha. No, I’m mad at myself.”

I can hear the smile in his voice when he goes on. “You’ll never be perfect. That’s okay. You’re human. But don’t let mistakes and fear hold you down, okay?”

“I’m not sure I know how to do that.” I dig my hand into the sand around me, squeezing and trying to find the answers.

I’ve been white-knuckle planning every single tiny detail of Gabriella’s wedding, sure that will mean I can make it perfect, no surprises. I haven’t even been enjoying it like I usually do.

And it hasn’t stopped me from daydreaming about saying yes to joining Gabriella’s staff. In the back of my planner for her wedding is a list of ideas for events when it’s time for her to start raising money—from small things like picnics and social media events to the bigger stuff like dinners and parties. I’ve been telling myself I’ll give it to her when the wedding is over, along with my well-wishes for a great campaign. But excitement bubbles inside of me every time I add something to that list. I don’t want to just hand it over to her. But how can I put myself in a position where perfect planning might not cut it in the end?

Most importantly, how do I convince Jett that we can be more than the night I broke up with him?

“Just don’t stop fighting for what’s important,” Dalton says. “I know you can do that.”

CHAPTER 29

JETT

Ava’s words sit with me all week, making me examine every way I’ve pushed away other people sacrificing for me, or trying to, big or small. The last time I asked something big of someone—asking Ava to move to Nevada with me—failed so much that I’ve spent the last several years relying on just myself. I’ve focused on getting what I want with hard work, paying the costs, putting in the effort, to achieve my professional dreams. But how much of it is just stubbornness or not letting other people care for me the way I do about them? Even the way I don’t ask my mom to come to more games because I know she doesn’t like them. It’s small, but have I made it unimportant to me because I don’t want to ask her to make that little sacrifice for me?

Ava hurt me by making the decision to leave all on her own, but I’ve spent so much time since that day heaping all the blame onto her. I talked so much about my football plans that is it any wonder she came to the conclusion that I wouldn’t be okay without them? It hurts that her first instinct was to run away instead of talk to me, but is it any better that I ignored her after it happened? What if I’d answered one of those texts or calls? We could have talked it out. I could have made sure she knew that while my goal was to make it in pro football, my ultimate dreams and my priorities were a life with her. Her leaving was a call for help, and I cut her out of my life because I was hurt.

I need a sounding board, but everyone in my life has some kind of connection to this. Jenna and Devin think I’ll be better off with Ava, Miss Maggie too, I think. Gabriella’s allegiance is also clear. Colby wants what’s best for me, but he’s mixed up in this too, aware of all the history and the complications for the future.

I decide to call a friend who’s maybe been a casualty of me turning in on myself and becoming grumpier, like Claire thinks. Brock Turner and I came to the Pumas the same year and we both had things to prove. I might have arrived as a first-round pick, but a lot of commentators thought I was overrated then and that the Pumas were going to regret taking me over QBs from bigger schools. Brock didn’t even get picked in the draft. He signed on after the fact, and like me, he pushed himself as hard as he could to prove his worth. We became quick friends along with Colby. While my friendship with Colby has developed into something deeper, to the point that I confided about Ava and our past relationship, Brock got traded a couple years later. He knows I have a relationship in my past with a lot of baggage, but that’s about it. He might be able to help me straighten out my thoughts without all the biases everyone else in my life has.

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