Page 76 of Secret Submission

Sliding into the booth, he cleared his throat before she could say anything.

“I’d like to start off by apologizing.”

Julie blinked in surprise, hesitating only a moment before slowly nodding. “Okay.” Her tone was more curious than anything else, as if she wasn’t sure where he was going with that.

“I’m sorry I didn’t listen when John showed up, and you said we should go. I’m also sorry that after that, when we were leaving, I didn’t listen to you again when you told me you couldn’t talk at that moment. I didn’t give you the space you very clearly stated you needed, and I pushed for what I wanted instead.” As he spoke, he could see her softening, appreciation filling her gaze for the apology. “The only thing I can say in my defense is that the biggest reason I pushed to stay was because I did want your parents to like me, but I wanted them to like me for you. I wanted to make things easier for you.”

A little half-smile hitched up one side of her mouth.

“To be fair, I think it will in the long run,” she admitted. “But… it does hurt that their approval of me is based on who I’m dating. Which is not your fault. I need to apologize, too. My emotions were keyed up yesterday and going in every direction, and that’s why I couldn’t talk. I shouldn’t have left like that, but I didn’t want to explode all over you in the middle of the street, which is what likely would have happened.”

“I should have been more sensitive,” he countered. “I knew what your relationship with your parents was like. I knew the afternoon was hard for you. I was upset because… well, because I thought you should have acknowledged all the effort I put in. But you didn’t ask me to do that.” He rushed the words when she opened her mouth, wanting her to know that he got it. “I decided to do that on my own. And I do appreciate that even after you said we should go, and I made us stay, that you did stay.”

She could have walked out then by herself, leaving him there alone with her family. He wouldn’t have even been able to blame her. Though he might have been embarrassed at first, he would have also realized immediately that he’d stepped wrong.

“Well, you felt so strongly about it… and I didn’t want to abandon you with them. That would have made things harder on you in the future. You know, if we have a future.” Her voice lifted up at the end, so it was caught somewhere between a statement and a question.

“I hope we have a future.” He shook his head. “I know I fucked up. I know we didn’t communicate well. But I think we can do better in the future. I think I can do better in the future. Asad pointed out that I’m a people pleaser. He’s not wrong. Sometimes, I choose the wrong people to try to please.” Taking a deep breath, Connor decided to go all in and tell her the full truth that he’d realized just this evening. “I chose your parents and told myself I was doing it for you, and I was in some ways, but the truth is I just wanted them to like me. I didn’t want them to have a reason to dislike me.”

“I don’t care if they like you or not.”

“I know. But I cared. Too much.” He shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

“I might have cared too much about having my way.” She sighed. “When I said we should leave, part of that was out of anger, part of it was out of fear, part of it was out of hurt. I wasn’t thinking; I was just reacting. And I wasn’t thinking about how it would have affected you in the long run. It should have been a discussion, not me making a unilateral decision. I also should have found a way to let you know I was upset during the afternoon. I tend to internalize things and need time to think through things before I can talk about them.”

“You deserve that time. I shouldn’t have pushed you.”

“I could have been kinder about telling you that I needed that time. And I could have been better about saying that we’d talk later but that I just needed to get away from my parents’ house before I exploded.”

“You shouldn’t have had to say anything more than what you did. You were clear about what you needed, both times, and I ignored you.”

“You ignored me because I wasn’t being very considerate of your feelings.” They stared at each other. Julie’s half-smile had grown to a full one, her eyes sparkling with amusement. “Are we really going to have an argument about who did the other one dirtier, but we’re defending each other instead of ourselves?”

“If we do, I’m going to win. I stepped in it first.” He grinned at her. “It all could have been avoided if we’d left when you said to.”

She laughed. “Yeah, but then you would have had a much more uphill battle with my parents.”

“It would have been worth it.”

Which was true. The statement softened her even further.

“We’ll do better in the future,” she said, and the tension in his chest eased.

“In the interest of good communication, I should tell you that John confronted me when I was taking the trash to the side of the house and told me that he wasn’t going to give you up because you two belonged together, and eventually, you’d realize that.”

Julie raised her eyebrows.

“What did you say to him?”

“I said ‘okay’ and walked away.”

She stared at him for a long moment, and he started thinking he’d fucked up again, then she started cackling. One hand on her stomach, leaning back in the booth, gasping for breath laughter.

“Oh God… please tell me you got a picture of his expression!”

Grinning back at her, relieved, Connor shook his head.

“It was really good, though.”

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