Page 6 of Secret Submission

Reaching out, Julie put her hand over his when his voice trailed off, causing him to look at her. She smiled sympathetically. Poor guy. He hadn’t thought, but he’d clearly learned and accepted the feedback, and that was just as important to her. Maybe even more so.

“I understand. Thank you for the apology.” She smiled at him. “Now, do you want to talk about why you chose to reveal yourself?”

She was still in shrink mode, but she felt her axis shift when his expression did. The anxiety had mostly cleared, leaving behind a kind of hunger that called to something deep inside her. The look in his eyes had turned pleading and eager, just the kind of look she liked to see on a sub.

“I… felt like I shouldn’t keep sending things when I wasn’t sure if it bothered you or not. And I… I wanted to know. I guess. If there was any chance…” He was stumbling over his words, frustration starting to show on his face, as he couldn’t quite seem to get his meaning out clearly.

“Have you tried submitting to anyone else?” She was pretty sure of the answer, but she wanted to be positive. Connor shook his head, confirming her suspicion. “What makes you think you want to try submitting?”

She kept her hand on his as he sighed, tilting his head back to look up into the darkness of the ceiling. The shadows were strong up there, most of the light coming from the sconces on the wall behind them and the dim lights that were currently up on the stage in the center of the room. They would be darkening soon, heralding the beginning of the show and ending their chance to talk.

“I can’t stop thinking about what it would be like to be on the receiving end. I know I’m kinky. I enjoyed the Dom class, but when I’m in the club, I don’t get a lot of enjoyment out of being the one in charge. I do like making the subs feel good. I enjoy that. I like being able to give them what they need. But it feels like something is missing for me. And every time I watched you do a demonstration, I didn’t want to be in your spot. I wanted to be in your sub’s.”

The admission must have been hard for him. It came out in a rush, his voice low. The booths were designed to help keep conversation and sounds as private as possible, but some still escaped. Yet he couldn’t hold it back any longer, even knowing there was a chance someone could overhear him.

Julie rubbed his hand, a kind of physical reward for his bravery in speaking, and when her head dropped down to look at their hands and he smiled, she knew he felt it.

“That makes sense.” It did. Connor was a helpful person. She’d noticed that about him. Everyone assumed he was a service Dom or even verging on a Daddy Dom who just didn’t take the title. He liked to caretake. He probably got some of that fulfilled by taking care of the submissives, but if he still felt like he was missing something, and he kept picturing himself in their place… It was very possible he’d figured out the absent component but was still hesitant. She understood that, too. “What did you hope for tonight?”

With a short laugh, Connor spread his hands, which shifted her hand on his. Rather than move it away, she let it rest in his palm. Partly because she didn’t want him to think she was pulling away and partly because she didn’t truly want to stop touching him yet. He needed the contact, she wanted to give him support, and she rather liked touching him.

It felt like now that she’d been given permission to notice him, she couldn’t stop. She did like what she saw. And the fact that he’d seen her, that he’d been sending her the most thoughtful gifts she’d ever received in her life for the past year… But she also didn’t want to throw herself into something that he might quickly back out of. It was clear he wasn’t sure about what he wanted, and she understood that.

After all, how could he know if he really liked it if he hadn’t tried it?

“I hoped you would show up. I didn’t really think past that.” He was looking at her with big, hopeful, puppy dog eyes. The kind of eyes that begged for her to take control and lead him down the path he wanted to walk.

Annette came up to the table, and Connor quickly pulled his hand away from Julie’s, which stung a bit. She knew he was protecting both of them, but she’d been enjoying that contact, and she hadn’t given him permission to end it.

That was either a warning sign for her to be wary of - or something they’d have to work on. Since they weren’t officially doing anything yet, she decided to put the matter to the side for now.

“Would you like any dessert? Show should be starting in about ten minutes.” Annette smiled brightly, her gaze flitting back and forth between them, leaving Julie to think that she might have noticed the handholding, despite Connor’s efforts. However, handholding wasn’t necessarily indicative of anything romantic. Friends could hold hands, so she might not think much of it, though Connor snatching his away would raise more suspicion that something was going on than if he’d left it.

Julie glanced at Connor, who looked back at her.

“Any objection to chocolate cake?” she asked. It seemed like an innocuous choice. Connor shook his head, and she turned back to Annette. “Chocolate cake to share, please.”

Interesting. Despite pulling his hand away, he’d still taken her lead with a witness there. Now that she thought about it, when he was around other Doms, he tended to take their lead. Sometimes, he would go do his own thing, but mostly, he went along with what the others wanted to do.

Considering his closest friends were Doms—well, Q was a switch, but he was also a newer friend for Connor—it made a lot of sense that he’d gone along with being a Dom for a while. She also suspected it was part of why he’d kept his confusion and conflicting desires a secret from them. Which meant starting anything could be a lot more complicated. Julie had promised herself she was never going to let herself feel like anyone’s dirty little secret ever again.

“Would you like to try some submission tonight?” If they tried tonight, she could keep it from going too far. Even though she was definitely attracted to him, that didn’t necessarily have to mean it would lead somewhere. He’d never tried before. It might be that he backed off afterward. It might be that he realized it was what he really wanted.

As much as she liked making plans, sometimes she couldn’t jump ahead too far into the future.

One step at a time.

That meant offering to give him a chance to try things tonight, then seeing where that led. Maybe nowhere. Maybe somewhere interesting. She needed to squash the impulse to try to travel all the paths before she even knew which way he would leap.

He might not even take her up on this offer.

In fact, for a moment, she thought he wouldn’t. He hesitated, unsure, despite the hunger in his eyes… then he nodded.

“Good.” Julie scooted a little closer to him, her voice going a little lower. This time, rather than putting her hand in his, she put her hand on his thigh. Felt his tension ratchet up as he sucked in a breath, as if he hadn’t been expecting it.

Rather than trying to jump into the future, attempting to figure out what could happen after tonight, her brain finally got into gear, trying to decide exactly how she wanted this evening to go.

Connor

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