Page 18 of Cruel Dominion

Because she was right. I pushed her away. I did this to us. To her.

I deserved the cold looks, her distance, even much worse.

When Anna and I were younger, I used to think she was ashamed of me but that wasn’t true. I was ashamed of myself.

I was punching way above my weight class and it ate at me. She didn’t care about the divide between us, but I did. I never felt like I was enough for her. Not smart enough. Not polite enough. Not wealthy enough.

Not meant for a girl like her.

But I was different now. I’d transformed myself into a man worthy of her.

Just as intimidating, powerful, and domineering as her father, and I’d let my soul be corrupted, just like he had. The only difference between us was I at least had a code I lived by. I’d never steal from the poor or the destitute.

No, I ate the rich and gave them my leftovers.

Now, I didn’t care about what I deserved. I just took what I wanted.

I couldn’t have her back then, but now, I intended to fucking keep her.

5

ANNA

“So, how was Africa? Where were you exactly?” Summer asked.

I chewed my burger slowly, pretending to savor it so I could buy time while I tried to remember the official story Daddy’s PR woman fed me over breakfast this morning and came up blank.

“It was great. Really nice people,” I said in a way I hoped conveyed my disinterest in talking about it. I felt bad lying to Summer and shitty for kowtowing to my father’s perfect lie about his supposedly perfect daughter, but I couldn’t tell her the truth. She wouldn’t get it, and like my dad always said, trust no one with family secrets.

We were friends once upon a time but that felt like another life. I was a different person now, so that meant she probably was too. The actuality of my existence over the past six years was more than a little shameful and I wasn’t ready for her judgment.

“I feel a little guilty for not donating more of my time,” she said, dunking her straw in and out of her drink.

“Don’t worry about it. It’s a shame that charity has to exist in the first place,” I said. “How was China? You mentioned that you spent a year out there.”

There was a wistful smile on her face.

“It was good. Different, but good. I’m glad that I went. I wouldn’t give up the life my parents gave me for anything, but it was nice to… I don’t know, honor that part of me.”

I was happy for her. Mr. and Mrs. Rockwell completed their happy family with an adopted baby daughter from Chongqing, China. Meeting them was the first time I realized that some people’s parents kissed, on the mouth. Like in movies.

“Will you ever go back?”

“Oh yeah, definitely. Hey, did you ever end up going to law school?”

I laughed through my grimace, looking down at my food. “Didn’t happen. Besides, it’s too late for me now, right? I’d rather not be the oldest one in the classroom.”

“No way. It’s never too late, but you didn’t want to go anyway, right?”

“Still don’t,” I said, sighing. That was one of the worst fights I’d ever had with my father; law school-gate. I was going to Yale to study pre-law before seamlessly moving into law school the way he had and he didn’t care what I had to say about it. It was one thing for him to say I had to dress a certain way and give me a curfew. I could deal with that. In his house, I had to live with his rules.

But my future too? When did it end? I didn’t want the kind of marriage he and my mother had, and knowing him, he’d be introducing me to his approved suitor list as soon as he finalized it. I shuddered to imagine the kind of man he wanted as a son-in-law. Himself, basically: thirty years younger with valuable family connections. Any degree I earned prior to him marrying me off would’ve been nothing but a framed certificate in a hallway somewhere. I shuddered.

“If not law school, then there has to be something you’d want to go back for,” Summer pressed.

“Any suggestions?” I asked.

“What do you mean, do I have any suggestions?” she asked, looking confused. “Photography,” she said when it took me too long to catch on.

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