Page 66 of Cruel Dominion

I was going to go out there tonight and embarrass myself.

Bad sex doesn’t exist for guys. There’s literally no way to mess it up, if Summer was to be believed. It wasn’t like I could argue with her. She was the one who’d lost her virginity last year. I fixed my foundation in the mirror.

Tonight was the night. I wanted to do this with him. We’d kissed. He had felt… stuff, over my clothes but we never really went further. Carter was happy to wait. In fact, he preferred it. Even said it shouldn’t be him. It should be someone else. Someone better for me. Softer. Someone I wouldn’t regret.

It was why he never pushed things, but I didn’t want to wait anymore.

Want wasn’t the right word. I couldn’t wait anymore. It was like I was burning every time I was with him. Burning and aching and just barely able to stop myself from begging him to take me.

Which was exactly what I planned to do tonight.

He couldn’t say no.

Summer said they never said no.

I finished my hair and makeup, then waited until the lights went out downstairs, before escaping out of my window and texting Carter to tell him I was on the way.

I ran out onto the beach, my blood buzzing and doubts rushing in only to be scattered by the wind.

Kicking my feet through the sand, I walked until I made out Carter’s form down the beach. I sped up, working my way to a full on sprint with a laugh on my lips as he beckoned me forward.

I barreled into him, knocking him back a step as I wrapped my arms around his middle and pressed my face into his shirt, realizing too late that all the work I did in the mirror probably just got ruined.

Couldn’t remember why I cared.

Carter wouldn’t.

He dropped the blanket that was under his arm. The one he almost always brought for us to lie on and watch the waves.

“Whoa,” he said, pulling me back to arm’s length to get a look at my face. “What’s the occasion? You look…”

“I know. I totally overdid it.”

He moved his warm hands to my face, dragging me in for a kiss that I felt all the way to my bare toes curling in the sand.

“I was going to say beautiful.”

He chuckled, pulling me in so our bodies were flush again. He smelled faintly of sea salt and heady musk and that thing that was just Carter. Like if warmth could be captured in a bottle and sold.

I ran my fingers through the messy mop of dark brown curls on his head. He had enviable natural waves that I’d burned myself tonight trying to mimic.

“Is there a reason you’re all…” he trailed off, gesturing to all of me when I pulled away. I shrugged, playing coy.

“Can’t I just be excited to see you?” I asked.

He laughed. He was in a good mood tonight. Good. He lived in a warzone at home so I did whatever I could to get a smile on his face. We spread the blanket on the sand and stretched out on it side by side. I rested my head on his chest. His t-shirt was soft and faded. I listened to the rhythmic thud of his heart.

“How’s your mom today?”

He sucked a deep breath into his lungs, swelling his chest.

“Not better but not worse either,” he said.

“That’s… good right?”

His hand snaked into my hair, fingertips stroking over my scalp.

“I don’t know anymore. It’s so fucked up. I don’t know what to do.”

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