Page 24 of Catch Me When I Fall

“When you start on Monday, we can talk about it more,” Sarah said. “Now, I want you to take the weekend to explore the town. Go try Margie’s, walk the new boardwalk, go to the shops.”

I looked around the bookstore, noticing it was busier than yesterday. “Are you sure you don’t want me to start today?” I asked.

She shook her head, bagging more books. “Nope,” she replied popping the “p.”

I nodded and looked down to my clothes: plain jeans and a T-shirt that was just a little too tight on me. I’d gained a lot of weight while in rehab, but I wasn’t mad. I’d grown comfortable with being…comfortable and not having to worry about what that stupid number on the scale said. I felt healthy for the first time in my life, and the hunger pains had finally ended.

So, I really needed new clothes. “Is the General Store the only place to get clothes around here?” I asked, looking back up at her.

She shook her head, lifting her arm to point out the big shop windows. “No, there’s a few boutiques down that way. The girls in there are really nice too. I shop at Pam’s all the time,” she boasted. My eyes dropped to her slender figure, silently wondering if the small boutiques would have anything in my size.

I cleared my throat. “Do they have a…wide variety of sizes?” I asked softly.

Sarah’s brows came together. “Of course they do. Why wouldn’t they?”

Fat-phobia was the first thing that popped into my head, but I held my tongue. Instead, I thanked her, and we chatted about the house for a few more minutes before I moved on, grabbing a to-go latte from Margo and heading out into the late morning sun.

Astoria was bustling with life this morning, and pots filled with pink and orange flowers lined the sidewalks. The street was filled with people of all ages walking, talking, and laughing. The buildings were beautiful, each one adding personality to the town, painted in a variety of colors. I saw a few signs for a couple of museums, then came across a sign detailing the history of the town.

It was the oldest town in Oregon.

“That’s pretty cool,” I mumbled to myself as clouds drifted in front of the sun. I looked up and decided that, even without the sun, this town was beautiful.

The further down I got, I could smell the fish from the docks and could even see a few boats in between the buildings. I spotted Margie’s across the street from me, the back of the restaurant clearly having a beautiful view of the water, and I promised myself I’d stop in for lunch later. Continuing to sip my coffee, I strolled for a few more minutes until I saw a few boutiques. They were all nestled at the end of Marine Dr, two on each side of the street.

Raising my chin, I mustered up every ounce of confidence I had—which wasn’t much—and went into the first boutique. As the door shut behind me, I was overwhelmed with the smell of citrus and vanilla. My eyes wandered over the racks of clothes in the middle of the floor, over to the wall of shoes and bags. I hadn’t been clothes shopping since I was a teenager and after high school, I didn’t get to pick what I wanted to wear. My outfits were chosen for me throughout most of my adulthood.

How silly was that?

Looking back on it now, after everything I’d been through, I begun to realize it wasn’t silly at all—it was a form of control.

You’re free now, Carrie. Remember that.

“Hi, welcome to Seaside Boutique,” a kind female voice said from my right.

My head slowly turned towards the sound as I forced my eyes away from the pair of cherry red heeled sandals on the wall. A young woman stood behind the counter. She was curvy—like me and my heart sighed as I made my way towards her.

“Hi, I’m Carrie,” I answered on a squeak.

The woman’s eyes flashed. “You’re Sarah’s girl! She texted me that you might be popping in.” she exclaimed. “Hi, I’m Pam!”

I blew out a breath, holding in the second round of laughter that threatened to spill out this morning. Sarah, the angel I didn’t know I needed. “Yes, I’m Sarah’s girl.”

Pam came around the small baby pink counter, waving me closer. “Come in, come in.” As I made my way further into the store, she asked, “So what are we shopping for today?”

“An entire new wardrobe,” I blurted.

Her eyes widened. “Like…?”

I nodded, feeling my ringlets bounce around my neck. “Everything.”

A huge, bright smile stretched across her features, and she jumped up and down with glee. I flinched at her reaction, but she didn’t notice. “Oh my gosh! This is going to be so fun,” she breathed, grabbing my shoulders and steering me towards the back of the store as she began firing off questions about what I liked, what my style was, did I have a color palette I wanted to stick to…

Once we were in front of the dressing rooms, I turned to her. “I don’t know. I’ve never…” I trailed off and looked at the wall, not wanting to cry in front of another stranger. “I recently got out of a bad situation,” I summed up, “and I gained weight.”

“There’s nothing wrong with that,” Pam said softly.

I met her eyes. “I know. I know that, but that’s not the problem.”

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