Page 25 of Sexting the Silverfox

Dammit, I love this feeling too much. I shouldn’t have gotten so attached. But it’s not like I could help it.

Jason is such an incredible man. Sexy, adventurous, and dominant in bed. A considerate gentleman in all aspects and a wonderful father. A great businessman with a mindset on growth and development. A patient and attentive boyfriend. I really hit the jackpot when I first stumbled into his office, angry and freezing.

“Something is going on with you,” Jason concludes as he gets behind the wheel, giving me a long and curious look.

I try to laugh it off. “What? No, babe, I’m just exhausted. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but this whole shopping session really knocked the wind out of me.”

“No, I can tell there’s more. I know there’s a lot you haven’t told me, and if you want to add whatever this is on top of everything else, I’m fine with that,” he replies in a calm voice. “Just be mindful, Audrey, that there’s only so much you can sweep under the rug before you find yourself overwhelmed and unable to cope.”

“Jason, I promise everything’s fine.”

He looks at me for what feels like forever. There’s something about the intensity of his hazel eyes that seems to drill deep into my soul. It’s as if he can see everything, but he can’t quite identify it. Therefore, he doesn’t know how to confront me about it.

He knows I’m keeping secrets, and I’m aware that I’m constantly testing his patience. Jason deserves better from me, but if I tell him the whole truth, I am terrified that he’ll pull away to protect himself and his daughter. I don’t want to lose him or what we’ve built.

His family will always come first, as it should, and I respect that.

“Whatever it is, Audrey, I’ll say it again—you can talk to me about it,” Jason says. “In the meantime, buckle up.”

“Yes, sir.”

A smile tests the corner of his mouth as he turns the key in the ignition. He loves it when I say that, both in and out of the bedroom.

A couple of hours later, I leave Jason with Rita and Lily in the living room. They’re going to be busy with the PlayStation for a while, which means the coast is clear for me to take the pregnancy test.

My heart is the size of a flea as I lock myself in the bathroom and follow the printed instructions to the letter. Hell, I’m so nervous that even my bladder fails to cooperate. It takes a few minutes but I manage to get it done, then spend another two minutes just staring at the stick.

I’m pacing the bathroom, going through each of my symptoms—the mood swings, the growing hunger, and cravings for food I normally wouldn’t be that fond of, and unexplained fatigue.

Shaking my head slowly, I wash my face and pat it dry with a towel, trying to think of worst- and best-case scenarios, depending on the test result.

The blood rushes to my head as the lines gradually appear. Pink and bright. A decisive yes. A clear confirmation of something I never even considered but should have.

“Fuck,” I whisper.

I’m pregnant. No doubt about it.

Whatever scenarios I tried to consider before are all gone. My mind is a blank canvas, and fear is swift in its attack on my senses as I struggle to keep it together. My breathing is erratic, and I’m struggling to keep my composure. Tears flood and sting my eyes. This should be a joyful moment, one that makes me feel happy, not terrified.

Deep down, I am happy. I am. I’ve always wanted a family of my own. Children to raise with the man I love. A man who loves me back. A man who makes me feel safe and nurtured, cherished and valued. But my past, my family … they have a way of spoiling everything.

I’m going to be a mother.

Technically unplanned, but we didn’t exactly avoid it, either.

This is supposed to be cause for excitement and glee, not fear and anxiety.

I hear footsteps, and I rush to throw the test in the trash bin.

“Audrey, are you in there?” Jason’s voice makes my heart jump.

“Yeah, I’ll be out in a second.”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, just … you know, girl stuff.”

I hear him chuckle, and then his footsteps recede. My mind suddenly works like lightning as I pull the trash bag out of the bin and head out to the chute in the kitchen, gliding past Jason and the living room without a care in the world.

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