Page 77 of Troubles

“Not for much longer.” I tuck the hair behind her ear, caressing her cheek. “Are you up for a drive, or d’ya want to stay in? Everyone’s gone for the day.”

I don’t want to do anything to pop this bubble of time where there’s no stress, no fuckups and nothing but sleep-rumpled Lis.

“Yeah. Let’s go out. Just give me thirty minutes to clean up?” She doesn’t make any move to get up.

“Lis, I’m sorry. I didn’t know she was coming to visit. I—” She rolls away from me, throwing her arm over her face.

“Stop. Just forget it, this was a stupid idea.” Her words are muffled, but she sounds defeated. Like she’s giving up.

Christ, I don’t want to lose her.

“She’s my sister-in-law. Was my best friend growing up. But none of that excuses me leaving you when you needed me. I should never have walked out of that wedding without you. I broke my promise, and you have every right to be mad, but…”

Her arm flies off her face, and she sits up clutching the duvet to her chest.

“You don’t get it, do you? I’m not mad, Aidan. I’m hurt. You discarded me, threw me away like everyone else has. You made me trust you—fall in love with you. I gave you my whole heart and you went running without a word.”

I sit up facing her. “Lisbeth, I?—”

“No. I came here for me. So I could have my say.” She blinks away the tears glistening in her eyes. “You didn’t say a word to me about what that emergency was. Did you think that I wouldn’t understand? That I’d hold you back from a friend? All of this could have been avoided, if you’d just talked to me.

“Instead, you left me clueless. Guessing at what I was seeing in McBride’s with you bent over her, crying. Why? Why would I have thought it was anything other than what it looked like? You hadn’t even told me Lorna was pregnant. Have you asked yourself why? Why you didn’t share that really important tidbit with me?

“Because it’s just about all I’ve thought about. All that’s been going through my head. That and why I’m not enough. Never enough.” Tears gather, threatening to spill.

“Lisbeth. My God, I love you. I was thinking of all the things I need to do to create our life together. Lorna and Michael’s baby never crossed my mind aside from a few phone calls with my mum. I was so focused on us—you and me. Getting work to support us. Sorting my visa. Finding a way to make me irresistible to you—so that you’d have no other option but to choose me.”

I want to touch her, need the connection with her. Wiping the tears from her cheeks, I push on. “I wasn’t hiding anything from you. Not intentionally. It just wasn’t relevant. I’m so sorry. I fucked this up with us. I made you feel less than the most important thing in the world to me.” I run my hands down her arms, taking her hands in mine, rubbing circles on her wrist. “You are my world. I failed miserably, but please, please give me a chance.”

She tugs at her hands, trying to pull them away from me. I hold on for dear life, not wanting to let her go.

“Sh-she said you were going to raise the baby together. She?—”

“Yeah. I found out what she said to you halfway across the ocean, stuck in a seat next to her for another three hours. I was livid, tried to get right back on the next flight out. She had no right to try and play us like that. The shite she told me you said?—”

I shake my head, shoving the anger back down. It won’t do us any good now.

“Lis, I don’t know why she thought she needed to do that, be manipulative. That’s not how she was growing up, that’s not anything I would have ever expected from her. I think…I think the grief, the loss of Michael—maybe the raging hormones?—made her act irrationally. I don’t want to make excuses for her, but it’s just not who she is.

“This whole thing is a mess and you’re absolutely right. If I’d told you, if I’d stayed with you…” I lift her chin so she’s looking at me, so she can see my sincerity. “You’re my world. Lisbeth. My bloody world, and I will do anything to prove that to you. Please tell me it’s not too late. Please tell me we’ve a chance—that I’ve a chance to share your life with you.”

Her gaze bounces back and forth between my eyes for far longer than I’m comfortable with. My heart forces the blood through my veins.

That’s it.

I close my eyes and nod slowly, sure that this is the worst day of my life. Far worse than burying my brother, my best friend. He was taken from me by an awful disease, one that has no cure. I’ve lost Lis through no fault but my own.

“It’s not.” My head whips up, searching her face. “It’s not too late. I-I want to try, I want to be with you, Aidan. I love you.” She leans in, brushing her lips across mine.

42

Lis

The minute my lips touch Aidan’s I feel the spark, the shock of electricity as it courses through my body. I’m finally able to breathe for the first time in almost a month. My world spins in the right direction and my heart fills with hope and possibility. It hits me, just how lost I’ve been without him. My heart only stuttering, not truly beating, until now.

Before Aidan, love was conditional, sometimes even cruel. I let Lorna’s words get to me, affect me, because that’s what I’ve known for most of my life. Much as I thought I’d given my whole heart to Aidan, I realize that I’ve still been holding back, shielding myself. Only giving him pieces of me. This is it, though, it’s time to bare my soul and give him all of my heart— cracks, scars, flaws—all of it.

He releases my hands, grasping either side of my face and pulls me to him deepening the kiss. Not wanting any space between us, I crawl forward onto his lap, my knees firmly planted on either side of his thighs. I need to be close, need to feel our connection again. Show him how much he means to me.

---