Page 73 of Troubles

He’s all I think about. It’s taken until tonight to even step foot back in McBride’s, and it was awful. I was nervous walking in there, but it was so much worse than I’d imagined.

The unfamiliar face behind the bar caused my steps to falter. The accent, the lilt of his voice wasn’t right when the new bartender asked for my order.

It surprised me, shocked me, that this is what affected me so severely. This was Aidan’s place. This was where we started, and in a way, it’s where we came undone.

I felt his loss like a heavy blanket, weighing me down. Suffocating me. I couldn’t stay, everything about being there felt wrong. I turned and left without a word, shaking the tears away.

Safe in my bed, I read each of his messages. I’ve read them so many times, I have them memorized yet they give me nothing, no direction. No idea of how to put this behind me and move on. Gripping the case so hard it creaks, I swipe the screen waking the display and see another text from Aidan.

Please.

My thumb hovers over the button, and something in me cracks. I need closure.

The message was sent hours ago. Probably as he was lying in bed. I talk myself in and out of calling him a thousand times before I do it.

“Lisbeth.” He answers right away, like his sole purpose since he left was waiting for my call.

It’s three o’clock in the morning in Dublin.

“Hey.” Now that I’ve done it, broken down and finally called him, all my thoughts fly from my head, leaving me with nothing.

Silence drags, weighing the air between us. There is so much he needs to explain to me, so much I need to say and suddenly, it doesn’t feel right, doing this over the phone. We’re too far apart, too disconnected.

“I need to see you.” I hardly breathe as I force each syllable past my lips.

“I can’t come back, I—there’s an issue with my visa. I?—”

The words tumble from my mouth. “I’ll book a flight. I have a few days right before classes start. I need to know what happened, what I did, where I went wrong. This is my last semester and I can’t afford to flake on this now. You owe me this.”

I don’t know where that strength came from, but the lead blanket that has been sitting on my chest for the past couple of weeks seems to have shifted.

“I’ll pay—please—anything.” His voice washes over me wrapping me in his sadness.

I’m glad. Glad he’s upset, glad that I’m not alone in this.

“No. I’ve got it. You’ve paid the rent on our apartment, I can do this. I-I’ll send you my arrival information in the morning, but I have to finish up some things here before I leave.”

“Of course, yeah.” Relief with a touch of desperation, bleeds through the miles.

“I love you, Lisbeth.”

“Okay. Um…I’ll text you in the morning. Bye.” I disconnect quickly, harshly, but that’s all I can handle right now.

I pull my computer off the nightstand and book a flight to Dublin.

Why am I doing this? The customs area is jam packed with tired cranky people wanting to get their luggage and breathe fresh air for the first time in hours.

I pull my phone out to let Aidan know I’ve landed. The guy behind me in line taps my shoulder and point to the sign that mobile phone use is strictly prohibited in this area. With a tight smile and a nod of thanks, I put it back in my bag catching the glare of a customs agent.

The line creeps forward so slowly. The thoughts I’ve barely suppressed since I boarded the plane bombard me. Tired and nervous, I shuffle my feet, one step forward, wait, wait, wait.

Am I going to have to see her? Being civil to that woman is not something I think I can do.

It takes almost an hour to make it through this mess and to baggage claim. The conveyor is empty, bags lined up along the wall—all of them except mine.

My bag sits on the floor next to the man I’m here to see. Hands shoved deep in the pockets of his jeans, he shifts on his feet and smiles tightly.

“Hi.” I wipe my sweaty hands on my pants.

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