Page 65 of Troubles

The pain where my heart used to beat is excruciating. It’s off the pain scale. The pile of tissues on my lap is growing with each passing minute.

“Maybe…maybe it’s not what it looked like?” Kate offers hopefully. “How pregnant do you think? Could it, I don’t know…”

“It doesn’t matter. Tonight, we drink and eat ice cream. Tomorrow, we’ll deal with this shit.” Gracyn nods, her plans made, everything in its tidy little box.

I just can’t with this whole thing. I reach for the bottle, filling my tumbler again.

I fell asleep curled into the couch with Gracyn tucked into the opposite end. My face is swollen from crying, my head hurts from bourbon and I drag myself into the bathroom to see just how bad the damage is.

One quick glance in the mirror and I get the shower going. With my forehead on the cold granite counter top, I dig deep, building the wall back up around my heart. With repetition, comes strength. There are so many sayings for moments like these. Lemons and lemonade. Bootstraps. Not getting more than you can handle. I run through them like a mantra as I shower and grab some clothes from Gracyn’s room.

I braid my hair, and tiptoe to the kitchen, grabbing my phone. There are no new messages when I power it back on. Just the one Kate sent last night and Aidan’s response.

I order an Uber and jot Kate and Gracyn a note. Gracyn would go with me in a heartbeat, but I need to do this alone. I grab a coffee from the bakery across the street and send Aidan a text that I’m on my way.

37

Lis

Ihaven’t heard from Aidan, but the door is unlocked like he’s waiting for me. I shouldn’t feel nervous walking into our apartment, but my palms are sweating and the hairs are standing up on the back of my neck.

“Aidan?”

He doesn’t answer, but I hear water filling the tub. Could I have totally misread what I saw? Maybe it’s not what I thought. I drop my purse on the counter next to where he left my keys and head down the hall.

The sheets are rumpled on my bed, my candles are lit in the bathroom. And the woman he was with last night walks out of my bedroom with my robe wrapped around her perfectly round pregnant belly.

Nonononono.

“Back already, love? Did you forget your wallet?” Her singsong voice slices through me and I can’t help the gasp that escapes me. Startled, her hand flies to her chest and, “Jaysus wept, ye scared me.”

I have no words. My mouth opens and closes, but nothing. I stand there like an idiot staring at her, my heart trying to decide whether to race—or just stop.

“You’re Lis, then.” She looks me up and down, appraising me. Her tone is not as sweet as when she thought I was Aidan. Her eyes narrow. “He’s not here. He ran out to grab a few things, for the next couple days, just until we go to the city this week.”

“Who—wh-what do you mean?” There they are, those words I’ve been waiting for. And they are absolute gibberish.

“Aidan and I are going to the city. He’s a job there this week and then we’re on to Dublin. Did he not tell you?” Her hand rubs lazy circles on her belly drawing my attention to the baby growing in there.

She knows his schedule. She’s in my house.

Cocking her brow, she jeers, “He didn’t tell you about this then, either? To be fair, it happened just before he left. Aidan didn’t even know about the baby for a few months. He needed to get away and I love him enough to have given him that. But you have to understand, we always planned to raise our kids together. Always. And that didn’t change with Michael’s death.”

Her hands are splayed across her, smoothing my robe. Showing off the innocent child that will kill me.

There is no way in hell that I can come between them. I can’t do it. Aidan was obviously hers first. They have a past.

And that past is growing into Aidan’s future.

Nodding my head, listening to her words, it becomes clear to me. I love him too much for there to be any other choice.

“I-I need to grab some of my things. I?—”

“Of course. I’ll just pop in to take my bath, stay out of your way.” She smiles victoriously.

I won’t keep him away from this baby.

The quiet click of the bathroom door launches me into action. I grab my suitcase and fill it with clothes, throwing shoes on top of my scrubs, clearing out as much as I can jam in there. Shoving my makeup into my computer bag.

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