Page 16 of Troubles

Rob is my benchmark. Ours is the only real relationship I’ve had and that was a mess. I’ve never done the casual hookup thing—can’t imagine a one-night stand. Emotionally, it’s not me, but adding in my clinical knowledge, makes it a hard no.

This thing with Aidan falls somewhere in the gray area. There’s definitely an end point. He’s here for an extended visit, not to make a life. I know I’m not ready to jump into dating or anything serious, the draw to him is very real. I can spend time with him—date him—knowing that it will end. It all makes perfect sense bumping through my whiskey-addled brain.

He can be my distraction.

The bumping turns to pounding and I realize it’s not in my brain, but someone needing the restroom. The pub filled up while I was hiding out, and there’s a line five people deep. And Aidan is at the table with Jimmy. Heads bent together in a heated discussion, mirroring the scene between Aidan and Lance? Lucas? before I escaped into the restroom.

The conversation blatantly dies as I return to the table. Jimmy’s turned his back to the brick wall with his legs stretched across the seat, and nods toward the spot next to Aidan.

Aidan reaches for my hand, guiding me down to sit with him. “That took a lot longer than I thought it would. I’m sorry.” His thumb rubs my inner wrist sending electric heat coursing through my body.

I’m at the tipping point, where I either should stop drinking and take a nap or just fully commit to feeling awful tomorrow. “We…we had some things to straighten out, Liam and I. I’m sorry for the time it took. But you and Jimmy—you were alright, yeah?” There’s a spiky edge to his question, something else that I can’t quite read.

“Yup.” My rational thoughts blur into a fuzzy haze, my pulse speeding up under the lazy circles he’s tracing on my wrist. I reach for Aidan’s tumbler of whiskey and drain it in one gulp. I just shut my brain off, letting go of my tightly ordered thoughts and become a happy little mess.

Aidan

I got well and truly stuck in the conversation with Liam. I had agreed to meet him—really, he strong-armed me into it—while he was in town, but this is not at all where I want to be.

I left Dublin to get away from the drama and to try and grieve my brother’s death. On my own. In my own way. Michael was too fucking young to die. And now his widow has more shite on her plate than anyone should.

Liam had gone ’round to check in on Lorna, and because burying her husband at twenty-six was not enough, she just learned she’s fallen pregnant. The hits just keep on coming.

While I thought this would be a quick meetup, I’ve spent far longer with Liam than I had planned, watching as Jimmy and Lisbeth drink and laugh—watching him move closer to her. That shite’s not okay.

I can feel my blood heating as I tense, staring daggers through him. I’m not concerned he’s making a move on her. I just wish it were me cozied up to her.

“Are you fuckin’ listening to me?” Shite. I am—but not really. “Lorna’s not okay. She’s really struggling. I think you need to talk to her. Maybe come home.”

“I’ll talk to her. But Christ, Liam, I can’t come home just now. I?—”

He follows my line of sight and drops his pint glass to the table. “Yeah, mate. Sure.” Liam huffs out a judgmental breath, shaking his head. “Aidan, have your fun here, yeah? But you’ve family at home that need you. She’s having a baby. She just buried her husband. You were best fucking friends and the one helping her deal with all that and then you just fuckin’ left—” Liam’s good and hacked off at me for leaving Dublin just days after Michael’s funeral. “She depended on you. And now she needs you more than ever—and you’re over here, fuckin’ about.” He’s practically spitting the words at me now and Lisbeth is watching us.

Fucking hell.

I lean in toward Liam, my voice calm and low. “I will talk to Lorna. I’ll let you know when I’ve spoken with her. And what we’re gonna do.” I push back from the table and stand. “It was good to see you, Liam.” I clap him on the back and turn, ready to put this all behind me for today and get back to Lis.

I watch Lis walk away as I move toward the table in the back. She seems to have this need to escape when things start to overwhelm her. Like she just needs to wrap her head around the situation on her own before she can face it.

I slide into the seat across from Jimmy, my thoughts swirling around in my head. I ran from the overwhelming emotion of losing my brother and left my best friend in the process, and now I’m not ready to go back. Eyes trained on the door of the loo, I swirl the whiskey ’round my glass wishing that my thoughts could order themselves the same way.

“Are you fuckin’ listening to me?”

“What?” No. I’ve not heard a damn thing Jimmy has said.

“The fuck are you doin’? You’re stupid—droppin’ her hand and blowing her off. Francie saw that, he’d fuckin’ lay you out…” Jimmy’s ripping into me.

I lean in and make sure I’ve got his attention so I can catch him up on Lorna and the baby.

“Don’t you fuckin’ ruin shite with Lis, man. You need to come clean. You need to tell her what’s goin’ on.” Jimmy emphasizes his point by pounding his shot glass on the tabletop.

“I know, just…let me talk to Lorna first, figure out what to do there. I…chssss—” I break off mid rant as Lisbeth comes back to the table.

I don’t want to do this now. I’ve wasted enough of the evening and I want to take it back, spend it with this girl—not thoughts of my brother’s pregnant widow.

The train ride back home was a mess and I feel nothing but relief that I have these two safely tucked away at McBride’s. I tried—truly tried—to talk them into calling it a night but they’re dead set on drinking each other under the table.

I end up helping Finn behind the bar since Jimmy’s in no shape to work his shift. It’s not all that busy tonight, but that and his inebriation give me the leverage I need to swap shifts and have tomorrow free to spend with Lis.

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