Page 83 of Heart of Frost and Scars

“Oh.” Doyle straightens, his throat bobbing with a swallow. “I’m sorry.”

“I don’t want condolences. Monty thought I left him, and he tried to move on. He doesn’t deserve all the blame.”

“Why do you say that?”

I murdered his brother and fell in love with his only surviving relatives. All this animosity, guilt, and back-and-forth emotion is a reaction to the pain inflicted by both Denver and Monty.

Since I’m not ready to share any of that, I settle on, “I’m not perfect.”

“Yet you’re angry with him.” He writes something in his notes.

“Of course, I’m fucking angry. Blinding, raving mad. But it goes beyond that. He’s distrustful of everyone, making me distrust him even more. He questions everyone’s motives, including yours.”

“Mine?”

“Yeah.”

Thanks to Monty’s paranoia, I’m questioning Doyle’s motives, too. It’s maddening.

“He thinks everyone is out to get me,” I say. “But what about him? Isn’t he out to get me?”

“Is he?”

“I don’t know. There’s so much to unpack, and I’m losing the energy and will to make the effort.”

“I understand your feelings, and your concerns are justified. Couples often struggle after traumatic events. It’s not uncommon for one partner to become overprotective, thinking they’re doing what’s best. It can create tension and lead to misunderstanding and resentment.”

“This is more than that.”

I’m in love with two other men.

“Have you talked to him about how you’re feeling?”

“Yeah. He listens. He seems more attentive and compromising now than before…the trauma.”

“It sounds like his actions come from a place of fear and insecurity. He’s afraid of losing you, but his methods are pushing you away.”

“He’s already lost me.”

Even as I say that, I know it’s not true.

I’m trying so hard to remain angry with him because if I’m not angry, what am I? If he’s not out to hurt me, what is he?

He’s a threat to my relationship with Leo and Kody, that’s what.

But he’s not a threat to me. I can’t believe the worst in him. I just can’t.

“Okay.” Doyle lifts his pen from the paper and meets my eyes without judgment. “Sometimes the best thing for a relationship is to step back. Give each other space to heal individually before you can heal together.”

“We’re not intimate. We don’t share a bed. Not since my kidnapping. I’ve been sleeping in the guest house. Except the night of my panic attack, I slept across the hall from him in case I got triggered again.”

“Do you want to talk about that? The PTSD episode?”

“I don’t remember it. Is that normal?”

“Yes, dissociation is a common symptom of PTSD.”

“When Monty called you, did he tell you what happened during the episode?”

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