Page 221 of Heart of Frost and Scars

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For the next week, I pick up every shift available and throw myself into work.

When I’m not doing rounds in the trauma unit, I run on the treadmill in the PT wing, spill my guts to Rhett in his office, or hole up in the on-call room, reading everything I can find on Pushkin and his poems.

I’m scared to leave the hospital, even with my bodyguards. So I don’t.

I traded one prison for another, and if I don’t keep busy, I’ll curl up in the corner and sob until I break.

Leaving my entire world on that dock felt so brave.

And self-condemning.

It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But what choice did I have?

If I stayed with Monty, it would’ve meant choosing him. If I went with Leo and Kody, it would’ve meant choosing them. Either option would’ve destroyed the fragile bond among the men I love.

My betrayal may have already done that.

I never intended to fall back in love with Monty.

So here I am, sitting on the bottom bunk in the tiny on-call room, hugging my knees to my chest, and fighting back tears for the hundredth time today.

I don’t want to be alone. But more than that, I don’t want them to be alone. I want them to be together.

So much of their lives has been taken from them. I can’t fix our cracked past. But I can learn from it and help them create a better future. I can trust that they’ll find their way back to one another.

As long as I’m not there to fuck it up.

A knock sounds on the door.

“Yeah?” I call out.

“It’s Rhett.”

“Come in.”

It’s his hospital, but he always knocks.

The door swings open, revealing my guards on the other side. They’re on a regular rotation, but still. What a tedious assignment following me around the hospital all day and night.

Rhett strides in, clutching a greasy brown bag. The unmistakable aroma of burgers and fries follows him.

My mouth salivates.

“Didn’t want you losing any more weight.” He drops the bag on the bed beside me.

“Thank you.” I dig into it. “You know, when Monty cheated on me, I stopped eating. On some fucked-up level, I was trying to vanish as a form of revenge.” I shove a handful of fries into my mouth. “I’m not that woman anymore.”

He knows all the ugly details of my life. Over the past week, I told him everything that happened from the moment I was abducted to the almost-kiss that led me here, seeking a safe place to sleep.

At first, I started spilling the tea just to see his reaction. I don’t want to suspect my only friend, but at this point, I suspect everyone.

But I haven’t sensed anything in his eyes, demeanor, or conversation to indicate malevolence.

He’s the only person in my life who hasn’t caused me pain over the past year.

“I’m losing weight because…” I chew off a huge bite of the burger. “Hospital food sucks.”

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