Page 50 of Witch You Weren't Here

Whoa.

She clapped a palm over her mouth and then held out the index finger from her other hand, as though that could stall him from reacting. Weirdly, it did seem to work. He dropped the towel on the floor, but then stood frozen, staring at her, his eyes wide.

A wave of sensation, like pins and needles, rippled throughout her. It was strange but not unpleasant. She swallowed and lowered both her hands. ‘That … that was not what I intended to say.’

He nodded slowly. Both of them were acting as though they were pointing guns at each other. ‘What did you intend to say?’

‘I …’ She took a moment to refocus on the reason she’d come in the bathroom. ‘I’d like to know why you tried to influence me, in that note when you stood me up. And why you stood me up. I mean … I don’t need you to explain that you didn’t want to date. I get that, it’s fine, you didn’t want to. But you could have just said “no” when I asked you out. It would have been enough.’

Harry looked down for a moment at the towel he’d dropped. He bent his knees to pick it up and hung it on the rack carefully – all without looking at her. The bathroom was a lot bigger than the one on the plane, but Kay felt more exposed than if he’d walked in on her in the shower.

Raking both hands back through his hair, he finally fastened those blue eyes on her. ‘No,’ he said simply. ‘No, it wouldn’t have been enough.’

She flushed. ‘I know I was a bit starry-eyed, but I wouldn’t have chased after you. I would have understood. We could have still been friends. Unless … we weren’t ever friends. You were just humouring me because you didn’t want to upset Joe?’

‘No …’ He shook his head, stopping abruptly like he’d run into an invisible wall. ‘I’m not sure we should be having this conversation now. I think Leon’s food is working.’

‘You know what he influenced it with?’

‘Bravery. I think. Or honesty. I guess they often amount to the same thing.’

‘Well, that makes sense. Because I’m not sure I would have opened myself up to sounding quite this pathetic without any encouragement,’ she admitted and then gasped as though the words had been torn from her throat. ‘OK, wow. That’s some strong magic.’

‘Right. Maybe we should talk about it later, when the influence has passed?’

‘I don’t know.’ She crossed her arms. Her stomach was flipping and she could feel the influence pushing on her now. Convincing her that it wasn’t a good idea to leave it until later, because she’d chicken out. Damn, Leon was good at what he did. She might have resented it, but it was exactly what she needed, wasn’t it? ‘You don’t seem to be having the same kind of trouble, keeping your own counsel.’

Harry wiped his hand down his face and gave a humourless laugh. ‘I guess I’m not so inclined towards honesty or bravery as you are.’

‘That’s a shame. Because I think I deserve an answer.’ Her chest ached as she pulled in a deep breath to say something she knew to be true, but wasn’t necessarily easy to face. ‘But if you can’t bring yourself to tell me, even now, maybe that’s everything I need to know.’ She turned towards the door.

‘Wait.’ His footsteps approached swiftly, and he put his hand flat on the door over her shoulder, stopping her from opening it. ‘You do deserve an answer.’ His breath puffed, soft and warm against the back of her neck, sending goosebumps along her skin.

She turned back to face him, leaning against the door. He swallowed, and her eyes tracked the ripple down his throat, before heading back up to his mouth.

‘I convinced myself I needed to leave Biddicote,’ he continued, softly. ‘I’d applied to Edinburgh, told my dad it was just as a back-up, in case London didn’t accept me … but that was my escape plan.’

‘Escape from what?’ she whispered back, like she didn’t want to speak too loudly in case she spooked him, when he was finally opening up.

‘The pressure from my family that last year of sixth form. I didn’t understand where it had come from, why it suddenly felt so stifling. Every move I made, my parents were there, judging me against the yardstick of the Ashworth family legacy, reminding me what I have to live up to …’ He removed his hand from the door, straightening up but not moving back. Her chest was hot, the heat of his body sinking into her. ‘I didn’t know how much of what I felt was what they told me I should feel, or what was genuinely me. And then I started tutoring with Joe and I spent more and more time with you … and I kept telling myself it was just a crush, and that I’d get over it, but you were so clever, and funny, and passionate, and kind, and I knew – I knew – if you and I had started dating, or even if we’d just stayed friends, I would have wanted to take that university place in London so I could still see you. I would have come back home on the weekends, all the holidays …’

She flattened her hands against the cool, painted wood of the door behind her, trying to ground herself, because it was hard to believe what she was hearing. He’d had a crush. On her. He thought she was all those wonderful things?

Or had been.

But his parents had pushed him so hard he’d been that desperate to get away?

‘If you’d explained it to me, I would have understood. I would have supported you to go to Edinburgh, I already knew the way your dad was always on your case—’

He shook his head. ‘You’re not hearing me. I couldn’t have gone. Not all the while I thought you might want me … the way I wanted you.’ His gaze flickered over her face before he met her eyes for a long, intense moment, rousing all her attraction into a fiery storm. She had to drag in a deep breath in order to be able to speak again, because she still needed to understand.

‘So … that’s why you made me hate you?’

He shut his eyes. ‘Yes. It was so selfish. I know it was. I hurt you on purpose. It was mostly accidental – the influencing – it just poured out of me as I wrote the note, but I still made the choice to give it to you, knowing how it would make you feel. And part of me thought it would at least be better than hurting, even more than you already were because of what was going on with your family. You hating me is only what I deserve.’ He let out a shaky breath, then opened his eyes but kept looking down, his coppery eyelashes fanning against the pale shadows beneath. ‘I fucked up in so many ways and I’m sorry. So sorry.’

There it was. The answer. And the apology. In an abstract way she knew it was good to finally have it, but it was like she’d been digging for a treasure chest and though she’d found it, the actual gems were scattered around it, rather than inside, and they didn’t look anything like she’d expected. They were the things she was more interested in at the moment.

‘You did want me?’ she breathed. ‘Back then?’

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