Page 39 of The Vineyard Crush

I was well and truly screwed.

“I know, but…” The resigned whisper slipped free before I could rein it back. Steeling myself, I dragged my gaze away from the siren song of Emma’s radiant smile to meet Ethan’s quasi-understanding expression. “I can’t. She has a whole life ahead of herself. I can’t take that from her.”

A muscle ticked along the granite line of my jaw, sparks of equal parts longing and self-loathing flaring to brilliant life behind my stony facade. How could I possibly upend Emma’s vibrant potential with my own jaded, emotionally-constipated bullshit? No matter how tempting the thought of her smiling up at me like that night after infinite night…

“My first priority has to be my kids,” I grated, striving to convince myself as much as Ethan with the unyielding cadence of the words. “They’ve already been through enough upheaval. It’s not fair to them…or to Emma.”

Is it?

A bitter twist of my lips accompanied the unspoken question hanging in the verdant silence. Of course it wasn’t fair - to saddle Emma with the baggage and obligation of my fractured little tribe. She was vibrant, full of promise and untrammeled potential. What right did I have to threaten that with my stalled existence and cavalcade of issues?

And anyway, she’ll soon figure out I’m not worth it. The derisive musing slipped through my battered defenses uninvited, propelled by a rogue current of self-loathing and fear. I’m not enough.

The dam cracked further at that insidious whisper, floodgates of insecurity and past failure threatening to burst free. When I wasn’t enough three years ago, how can I possibly be now? After being so thoroughly, utterly…rejected? Abandoned with nothing but the soot-stained embers of my life to pick through?

No…Emma deserved better than the hollow, ash-choked husk I’d become. She’d inevitably realize that soon enough and flit away, drawn to the brilliance of someone capable of putting her first. Always.

And I…I would be fine with that, right?

A sharp pang reverberated through my chest as an unbidden image flashed behind my rigor-stiffened eyelids - Emma bestowing one of those radiant smiles on some faceless other, the man who could bask in her light and affection unencumbered. My throat constricted as if someone’s hands were closing off my airway, crushing the bittersweet longing simmering there into painful whorl of yearning.

I shook my head sharply, risking a surreptitious glance back toward the pearlescent allure of Emma’s form clad in that thin, clinging cotton sundress. So much for not being drawn like a moth to her incandescent flame.

As if sensing the renewed weight of my stare, Emma’s eyes flicked upward to catch mine, those coffee-brown depths glinting with mirth and something softer, hazier. My chest constricted anew at the heart-stopping smile curving those lush lips, muscles clenching with the primal urge to surge to my feet and simply…take as I helplessly tracked every sinuous line and enticing curve made even more stark by the damp fabric.

Christ, she was beautiful. Captivating in a way that had nothing to do with mere superficial appeal and everything to do with the radiant luminescence spilling forth from her very essence. A light that soothed as much as it enflamed, inviting a man to lay himself bare and bask in her warmth and acceptance.

If only I were man enough to slough off the shackles of this desolate solitude and reach for that bright promise…

Emma’s pace slowed to an idle saunter, powerful thighs fluid with each rolling step as she waded closer. The unhurried rhythm allowed for a torturously thorough perusal of those tantalizing planes and valleys sculpted by God’s own hands. With each passing instant, my molten stare roved higher until searing straight down the shadowed valley between the slopes of her breasts, desire searing palpably in my veins.

I shifted, jaw clenching as my body tightened in instinctual response to the feral siren call of lush, honeyed flesh laid temptingly bare. It would be ecstasy to relinquish my vice-like control at last and simply haul Emma close, to sink into the sweet sanctuary of her embrace and lose myself utterly for once in this drawn-out nightmare.

To render her incoherent and besotted with pleasure, shattering all composure until only the hot, sparking tangle of our naked desire remained.

A rough shudder racked my frame as Emma crept closer still, narrow feet leaving fleeting divots in the grassy verge. Mere yards separated us now, her sun-drenched aureole of musk and salt moisture enveloping me in a fragrant cloud of enticement.

Unable to bear another interminable second of torment, I dragged my heated stare toward the horizon’s distant perimeter, chest heaving with each ragged inhale. Still, my focus was inexorably drawn back to trace Emma’s every lithesome movement with the restless roam of eyes gone feral.

When at last she reached her apparent destination - a half-dozen paces from where I sat hunched and seething - those full, kiss-swollen lips curved in a devastating smile meant for me alone.

“Having fun out here, cowboy?”

The honeyed murmur washed over me like a balm, soothing yet stoking the banked embers of craving I fought viciously to constrain. Emma arched one elegant brow, using the pretense of wringing out her sodden hair to lean forward and put those spectacular breasts on lush display. An unmistakable invitation blazed between us, rife with challenge and simmering promise.

A strangled noise rumbled up from the depths of my constricted chest as I strained for a full breath, powerless against the infernal torment of this Venus rising from the deep like a mythical siren. Every sinew tensed as if bracing for impact, desperation and guilty yearning swirling together in a maelstrom of pure, visceral hunger.

Emma’s tongue darted out, trailing a glistening path across her plump lower lip with exquisite leisure. An unspoken question - perhaps an explicit dare - hung between us in the inhalation before she chose to utterly upend my world once more.

“You look like you could use a drink…or something stronger.”

Darkness closed in around the periphery, vision narrowing to that tantalizing sliver of decadent flesh and indefinable light. Emma’s heated regard had become a crosshairs seeking out the hairline fractures in my stoic veneer, zeroing in with unerring precision until every possibility was laid achingly bare.

For the span of one finite heartbeat, I teetered on that razor-sharp threshold, my soul hanging in the inescapable gravitic pull of her radiance.

Just one word from those honeyed lips and I would shatter completely, relinquishing every shred of restraint and control to the scorching longing roaring through my veins. I could already feel my tattered defenses crumbling away to ashen ruin in the searing path of her gaze, powerless in the thrall of temptation’s sweet Siren song.

Then a raucous squeal clove the charged tension with childish glee, wrenching me back to stark reality. Three small, familiar forms hurtled out of the brush and toward Emma’s splendidly bewitching form, alighting against those toned legs with the uncaring enthusiasm of youth’s unrestrained zeal.

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