Page 29 of Vengeful Guard

“That’s okay, Paige. You’ll get over this. We all have different times to process our traumas, just let the healing take its course.”

I lift my head and look at her. “What healing? I’m stuck in that dreadful moment twenty-four seven. I can’t go out anymore, I can’t stop looking over my shoulder when I do. I can’t even close my fucking eyes without being assaulted by memories of what happened, over and over again.”

A sob tears from deep within me. The pain so hard, so crippling it almost rips me in half.

My arms go around my stomach as I fight not to fall apart.

And the dam breaks. The pain, the hurt, the fear all come pouring out of me as tears stream down my face, and I’m wracked by my lungs refusing to work.

My throat is clogged, and I choke, unable to take a single breath as I mourn the person I was, the weight of the person I was forced to become crushing me. Preventing me from moving forward. From distancing myself from the worst day of my life.

Sophie’s arms surround me, holding me here, preventing me from being shattered into a thousand pieces.

She just stays there, allowing me to let it all out.

If only it would all come out and stayed out. If only this cathartic moment was all I needed to move on. To heal. To be able to be me again.

And that single thought makes me cry harder. Because I know the truth. I know that I’ll never be the same again.

What happened changed me forever. And unlike my sister-in-law, I have not come out stronger on the other side.

But I don’t want to have suffer anymore, don’t want to have to work on this, to let the process happen, whatever that means. I wish someone else could do that work for me.

Unfortunately, there’s no one in the world who can help me because this one’s all on me. I’m the weak one, I’m the hurting one, and I don’t care what anyone says, I don’t think I’ll ever recover from this, ever be whole again.

I don’t know if it’s minutes or if it’s hours before the tears start to dry.

“Thank you, Soph. I’m so sorry. You shouldn’t have to deal with this.”

She holds me by the arms and pulls me back so that I’m looking at her. “Are you kidding me right now? This is exactly what friends are for, Paige. Or would you not want me to come to you if I’m hurting too?”

I blink at her and let her words really sink in.

“Of course, I would, Soph. I’d never want you hurting alone. But?—”

“No buts, Paige. Unless they are cute butts, they have no room here. Now…” She picks up our glasses—when did she even put them there?—and hands me mine and holds hers in front of us.

“To true friends. Our chosen family.”

I smile, a tear I didn’t know I still had in me running down my face. “To chosen family.”

We sip, and then she gives me a devilish grin. “Now, let’s come up with ways for you to make Kael’s life a living hell, shall we?”

I burst out laughing.

We stay on that couch for a while, and when our glasses our empty, Soph gets us both refills.

For that blessed time, I’m able to forget the world outside.

We talk about her life, her job, boys, which I have to experience vicariously through her. We laugh about her absurd ideas of pranks I should play on Kael. Some of them so tempting…

None of them I’ll actually act on because I don’t want to make my life even harder, but it is good to just be carefree for as long as I’m here.

How would I even hide all his clothes? Or trick him into pouring salt on his coffee? Does he even pour anything on his coffee?

I have a feeling he drinks it black. And I have a stronger feeling that the coffee is the one finding Kael bitter.

When time comes to go back home, I’m a bit lighter, and the world doesn’t seem so dark.

---