Page 119 of Vengeful Guard

Because I’m helpless, because I’m the weakest link, the Murphys are out to get me. That’s why they got Da. Because he had to step up and protect me. Fight for me. Get shot for me.

God, he can’t die for me. It would kill me. What have I done? “Oh, god, oh, god, oh, god, oh, god, oh, god…”

Kael’s voice is a lighthouse in the foggy night. “Please, Paige, calm down. Take a breath, sweetheart. You don’t know if that’s true. Anyone coming after you was likely after Patrick, too.”

But the fog is too thick, and the night is too dark. I need to fight my way through, so I keep punching the wall of muscle in front of me.

“It's my fault that he’s hurt,” I manage through sobs. “My fault. I could have done more. I should have done better.”

Kael cups my face and pulls away, looking intensely into my eyes. “You got away. That’s all your da will be concerned with.”

“What if he never wakes up? What if they put him on that machine, and he doesn’t ever come off it? What if I never see him awake again? What if I never get the chance to tell him I’m sorry? Or I love you? Or anything else ever again?”

“We don’t know what's going to happen, princess. There’s no way that we can know. But what I do know is that your da would want you safe. And I’m going to keep you safe. No matter what.”

“None of this should’ve ever happened. If I wasn’t so useless?—”

Kael frowns at me, clamping a hand over my mouth.

“Don’t say that. Don’t ever say that. There’s nothing useless about you.”

His eyes try to drill that message into mine. Too bad the fog is still around.

His hand comes off my mouth.

“Are you sure about that? Because I'm just the baby. And Da’s always tried to protect me more than the others. Hell, I didn’t even know how to take care of myself until you taught me.”

“It’s not your fault that he sheltered you. He just wanted to keep you safe. This isn’t your fault, Paige. No part of this is your fault.”

“You don’t know that,” I argue. “They came for me, one of them tried to take me. Maybe if I had just gone with them, not fight… But I did. And then they just saw that he was there.”

“He’s Patrick Burke, princess. People have been after him for years, and you know this is how Murphy works. Murphy only wanted you to get to your da.”

I tremble in his arms. “That only makes it more my fault,” I mutter. “I’ve spent my whole life a burden to him, to everyone.”

He holds me tight. “Stop that. You’re not a burden. Not to me.”

Kael searches my face, and I frown at him.

“How am I not? You never wanted this job. It’s just babysitting, like you said. The little princess brat that no one can stand.”

“Paige, that was a long time ago. Before?—”

“Before what?” I throw my arms out to the sides of me. “Hm?”

Kael looks at me a moment longer, and then he just closes his mouth, eyes moving to the wall behind me before coming back to mine.

“You’re not a burden.”

“I don’t know, Kael. It’s like everything everyone does revolves around protecting me, and it shouldn’t be that way. I’m a fucking adult. I should be able to protect myself.

“You were able to protect yourself. You were able to save yourself and take care of your da,” Kael says in a huff. “You’ve learned so much already, and in such a short time. You were able to throw me just now, isn’t that something?”

“It’s something, but it’s not enough.”

“It’ll never be enough for you,” Kael argues. “You’re such a perfectionist, Paige...”

“And that’s stupid, too!” It’s like I’m seeing myself for the first time, and my reflection is not a pretty sight. “It’s stupid to want to be some perfect little girl and a grown woman. I can’t be both.”

---