Page 70 of Raven

RAVEN

I’ve always been careful with indulgences. Booze—not too much. No drugs. Few words. Violence—I always had to curb the urge to break someone’s face, hence, working out and the love for fighting at Carnage.

“Discipline,” Mac always said. “Keep your head straight.”

And then there’s Maddy. She makes it hard to keep my head cool. If I let myself go with her, it won’t be a white flag. It will be a white fucking blanket, I know it. I will eventually throw it to her feet and kneel right before I fuck her on it and keep fucking her until I’m addicted and crave more and she’s had enough, and both of us will be left empty. It’s scary to know that everything has an end. Two months, I said to her back then. Should’ve said three. Half a year. I’m already angry at seeing that finish line in the future.

I stop by my house, grab my gun, go to my alcove, and shoot two clips into the fucking ocean. But it fails to scare away the images in my head—me pulling her panties aside and fucking her on the bathroom counter, how good it felt to be inside her, her moan as she came around my cock, her hand that slipped into my hair as I did, the way we stayed close in an embrace for seconds, panting away the high. The seconds that felt more intimate than the actual sex.

I planned on teasing her as long as I could, having that power of her being at my mercy. But now that I snapped, I want to feel that closeness again.

And I want to know how she feels.

I don’t think she’ll pick up. My thumb hovers over her name in my phonebook until I finally press the call button.

No, she won’t pick up, I know, until I hear her soft voice.

“Hello…”

And here they come, flooding me again, the memories of her touch, her legs wrapped around me, my bare skin against hers, how soaked she was, so easy for me to slip in.

I must’ve stalled for a moment because she speaks again, “What do you want, Raven?”

From now on, everything.

“Tell me something about yourself,” I say instead.

“I didn’t know that conversations were part of our deal.”

Her constant reminders of the rules rub me the wrong way. I feel a tiny flicker of irritation and feel like driving to her place and fucking her again, long into the morning. But then I remind myself that I am the blackmailer, and she tries to hold on to her pride and uses bitterness to protect it. That’s fine.

“They weren’t,” I say calmly.

Silence falls between us. She can hang up any moment. I know it and won’t judge her. But I wait, and wait, and wait for that ice to break?—

“What do you want to know, Raven? Your research lacks details?”

I smile. She is a smart girl. A curious one, too.

“It has plenty of details,” I say. “I’d like to know the version of you from back in the days. Tell me something I don’t know. Anything. A story from the past. The saddest time in your life. The happiest. The most fun you’ve ever had. I know you used to have fun, Maddy.”

“Why?”

“I’d like to understand why you did what you did.”

“Why?” she repeats.

“Because you lasted a long time on the Eastside. Considering your previous lifestyle, it’s impressive. People with strong character interest me.”

“Me?” she echoes in surprise.

“Yes, you, Maddy.”

I hear her hum to herself, and in a moment, she starts talking.

“The happiest I’ve been besides taking MDMA or being stupidly euphorically drunk?”

I let a chuckle escape me. “There’s plenty of that on your social media. That’s not what I’m asking.”

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