Page 115 of Raven

Three seconds. Three simple words. But they might hurt for the rest of my life.

I step back, lowering my hands from the wall. She walks past me and away while I stick my hands in my pockets and curl them into fists, wanting to punch the wall.

This deal is over, and I could never have imagined it would hurt so badly.

43

MADDY

The seven weeks I spent with Raven flew by, and the two weeks that followed that meeting at Archer’s felt like mourning. In hindsight, I should’ve known that he and I weren’t just mindless nights of fucking. It wasn’t just a deal. When I decided to block him out of my existence in hope that he would understand what’s happening, I wasn’t expecting that I was hurting myself.

The first text message from Raven came later the day of the meeting at Archer’s.

Raven: You can lie to me and tell me this was an experiment for you, but I know you wanted it as much as I did.

I didn’t respond. Of course, he thinks he knows everything. So then he doesn’t need my answer.

An hour later, another text came.

Raven: Just admit it, Maddy.

I ignored it though it took all my willpower not to scream then send him a voice message, angry and hurtful, and call him a coward. Even now, when he knows the truth, he still won’t ask me how I feel, why I actually did what I did, why I agreed to that deal, what I wanted, and what I want now, when this deal is up.

Another message came. Three more followed. Raven would’ve never texted me so much in his right mind. Especially without getting an answer. There was one explanation—he was drinking, though I’ve never seen him drunk enough to be so careless with words.

I never responded to those messages. He could’ve called. He could’ve come and asked to talk to me.

He never did. Not that night, not in the next two weeks that followed.

There is no sight of him, though I know he is not hiding. Ali and Nilanski talk to him, talk on the phone to him when I’m around. I was there, walking shoulder to shoulder with Ali as he was on the phone with Raven, and my body was on fire, my mind dizzy with the desire to rip the phone out of Ali’s hand and tell that guy on the other side that he is a coward.

I didn’t. I got home and cried, because the days without Raven were disintegrating my sanity, and my pride got the best of me.

I can call him myself. But I don’t want to ask him for attention, for a chance to talk.

He doesn’t ask either. That’s the thing about Raven. He never asks me. He tells me. Tells me what I want and what I do, explains to me why I do it and how I feel like he is a fucking psychic. Even outside Archer’s house, he never asked me why I agreed to the deal with him when Archer and Kat had already uncovered my secret.

Little is gloomy most days. He comes to see me at work or at the house, sits on the couch and suggests one thing after another, but all of them somehow involve Raven.

“Little, sweetheart, Raven and I don’t really want to be around each other lately,” I explain.

He gives me a sad look. “Why?”

“It’s complicated.” Isn’t that the greatest cliché phrase of all time?

“Why?” he insists.

“Why don’t you ask Raven?”

“I did.”

I freeze. “What did he say?”

“Said ’s complicated.”

I want to laugh except tears burn my eyes, and I start vigorously unpacking the stupid Thai food that Little loves so much because Raven introduced him to it.

Little fumbles with a book in his hands.

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