Page 55 of Soulbound Shadows: Part 2

“I didn’t mean it like that,” she said quickly. “I just mean… What’s the saying? You can’t serve from an empty plate, or something?”

“You don’t understand,” I said. “I have a responsibility to these people. I can’t abandon them now. I knew what I was doing when I…” I swallowed hard. “When I killed him. They need a leader, and now I have to step up. If I leave a power vacuum, Morgana could use that to her advantage and put another of her people in charge. Someone who might actually be loyal to her. No. It has to be me.”

Now that I had a direction to move in, I had come back into my own body. That strange, unfocused haze dissipated. I’d have to call the council to a meeting. The Ash clan would fall into line behind me, but I might have more trouble with the Drehermann clan.

“Gabriel, you’re dead on your feet,” Evangeline protested. “You can’t go charging into this without taking the time to rest.”

“Would you take the time to rest?” It was a cutting enough question that I didn’t have to ask it meanly to make it land.

She clenched her jaw and looked away. “You’re barely out of shock,” she snapped. “People aren’t built to keep going at a hundred percent after something like that.”

“You don’t understand,” I tried.

Evangeline scoffed. “Explain, then.”

“I’m not just a person,” I said tiredly. “Not anymore. I’m royalty, and now I’m in charge. I don’t have the luxury of being a person.”

Evangeline was on her feet now, pacing across the soft rug. The blood on my hands was itchy and starting to flake off. There had been so much blood on my hands recently. If I touched Evangeline, I would leave rusty smears behind on her delicate skin. I knew what I had to do. I had known what it meant when I picked up that makeshift stake. My time and my life were no longer my own. Killing my father had been horrible but necessary. Doing this would be horrible but necessary, too.

“I can’t stand by and watch you throw yourself into this,” she said.

“You don’t have to,” I told her in that polite, neutral tone I’d been taught to use.

She stopped pacing and whirled to face me. “What are you saying?”

I didn’t want to do this. I didn’t want to do any of this. I wanted to wash myself clean, then curl up in bed with Evangeline and not get up for a week. I wanted to give her a simple life with enough adventure to keep her happy, but a calm home to come back to. I wanted to give her what she deserved.

I couldn’t. Not anymore. Maybe it had been foolish to think I’d ever had the capacity.

“Evangeline.” I stood up and took her hands in mine, looking her in the eye. “You know you’re important to me, don’t you?”

“Gabriel,” she said in a tiny, wounded voice.

Exhaustion seeped down right into my core. I didn’t have the energy to wrap this up in pretty lies, and besides, Evangeline deserved the truth.

“I love you,” I told her softly.

“Oh, God,” she whispered, closing her eyes. She had already figured out where this was going. And why wouldn’t she have? Evangeline was a smart woman. It was one of the first things that drew me to her.

I remembered the panic on her face when she’d thought I was hurt, the fury when I’d tested my theory about the stairwell. I thought about the names in the ledgers gathered in the trash bag that sat on the floor next to us. I thought about the long, brutal hours it took to govern, about the hard bargains and sometimes literal backstabbing.

“The world I’ve just thrown myself into is a cruel one,” I said. “It’s one that will be punishing at every turn. My time won’t be my own. My moral compass won’t be, either. I will have to be on my guard constantly. Everyone around me will want something from me, and some of those people—many of them, most likely—will be prepared to do horrible things to get what they want.”

Evangeline squeezed her eyes shut and pressed her lips into a thin, white line, as though by physically closing herself off from this she could keep it from happening. I wished I could stop, that I could snatch back those words, but being in charge meant making awful decisions. By hurting her now, I could save her from years and years of pain that would curdle into resentment.

But that was the idealist’s version of things, wasn’t it? Odds were, using the wand on Morgana would destroy me along with her. The idea of growing apart long-term was almost childish. Breaking things off now was for the best.

“I can’t let you follow me into this,” I said in a rough voice. “You’re already facing too much.”

Evangeline’s jaw flexed minutely. She wasn’t just sad, she was furious.

When she spoke, it was with a crisp, controlled voice. “Well. It seems like you’ve made up your mind.”

“I’m sor—” I started, but she cut me off sharply.

“Don’t. Don’t bother.” She stepped away from me, leaving my hands hanging empty in the air between us. “Do you have time to tell us about whatever you found out from your dad, or do you need to run off for your fucking coronation?”

“I’ll explain as much as I can,” I promised. “And I’m still a part of this fight. I’m going to do everything I can to defeat Morgana.”

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