Page 61 of The Fake Date Deal

I glanced over my shoulder, then ducked behind the ice cream cart.

“I was texting you,” she said. “Didn’t you get them?”

“I don’t have my phone.” I turned out my pockets to show her. I wanted to grab her and spin her around, kiss her a million times. Carry her home. But her eyes were wide, worried. Her lips were pinched tight. We had talking to do still, lots to work out.

“I’m sorry,” I said.

She flung her arms around me. Hugged me so tight I grunted. I held her and rocked her, kissed the top of her head.

“We should go somewhere,” I said. “Somewhere quiet, to talk.”

“Your car?”

“Yeah. Come on.” I’d parked in a quiet spot away from the track, in the shade near a coffee shop in a narrow street.

“Drive us somewhere,” said Eve, when she got in.

“Drive us where?”

“Somewhere, just anywhere. Let’s drive and talk.”

I put the car into gear and felt my tension ease off. The engine purred and I took a deep breath. The radio had come on, and I turned it off.

“I should start,” I said, but I couldn’t think where. Not with what I’d said. She didn’t need the reminder. New Zealand, maybe, when I thought she was leaving. Or before that, at the comedy club, when I saw how great she was. How I’d hate to lose her.

“My dad left,” I said, surprising myself. Eve looked surprised too.

“What? When? Last week?”

I gripped the wheel tighter. “No. Years ago. It— Me and Ma…” I trailed off, lost. What was I saying?

“Go on,” said Eve. She slid her hand over to rest on my knee. I glanced at it, exhaled, and looked back at the road.

“It changed everything. Changed our whole family. The thing was, with Dad, the family never liked him. My grandparents hated him, my uncles, my aunts. They never thought he was good enough to be with Ma. And they were right, of course. He was no good. All he did was go drinking and sleep in late, and spend Ma’s money. We’d have been better without him, except…”

“You missed him?”

“Well, yeah, but it wasn’t just him we lost. Ma blamed my uncles for driving him off, them and her father, and she just— she lost it. She moved us up north, all the way to Coseano. Cut off all contact with the rest of our family. I went from playing with my cousins, eating lunch at my aunt’s, going out with my grandparents, to just me and Ma. And she was never home. She worked all the time.”

Eve squeezed my knee. “How old were you?”

“Six. And I didn’t get it. I thought they ditched us, first Dad, then the rest of them. That’s how Ma made it sound, and I didn’t know better.”

Eve frowned. “But your aunt— didn’t she help you? Didn’t she sponsor you through her garage?”

I nodded. “Yeah. But no thanks to Ma.” I let out a long breath, letting go of my anger. I’d had this out with Ma a long time ago. We’d found our way back, but damn, it still stung. “What happened was, my cousin found me on Insta. He told me the whole story, and I didn’t believe him. But I talked to my nonna, and yeah. It was true. When Dad left, Ma just couldn’t take it. She had to blame someone, but she loved him too much, so she cut off the rest of them. Moved us away.”

The road flew by outside, the streets, the sky. Eve was stroking my knee, little thumb-circles. I couldn’t explain to her how hollow it felt, looking back on those years in Coseano. I’d had nobody then, and no reason why. They’d all just?—

“They left you,” said Eve. “Or it felt like they did.”

“Yeah,” I said, hoarsely. “I thought it was me. Me and Dad fought the night he left us. He was trying to say goodbye to me, but I didn’t get it. I was pissed because he wouldn’t come play outside. I called him, uh, a word I shouldn’t have known. He sent me to bed, and that was the last I saw him.”

“Asshole,” said Eve. “I’m sorry, but…”

“Yeah.” I laughed, thin and shaky. “He kind of was. Is. And it’s not an excuse for how I treated you, for what I said, or the way I was acting. But I never let anyone close after him. I’d blame it on women just wanting my money, and yeah, that was part of it, but it went deeper. I always felt, I don’t know. Not good enough. Like when you saw the whole of me, that’s when you’d leave me.”

Eve laughed aloud. I jerked, offended.

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