Page 27 of Waiting For Fate

“And the not-so-negative feelings,” she adds.

“Oh my god. I’m one of those messy girls, aren’t I?” I whine. “Maybe I’ll just become a nun.” Shane starts to giggle and throws her straw wrapper at me.

“You’re not becoming a nun. You’re way too hot to stay single forever.”

“Thank you?” I say more as a question.

“Do you want my advice?” she finally asks, taking another sip from her half-finished latté.

“I’m practically begging for it.”

“Focus on Jackson. You can decide whether or not you’re ready to hear Sawyer out, or if you want to keep ignoring him. But this thing with Jackson is new and there’s an opportunity there to have fun and experience something exciting. So, if it’s something you want, focus on that.”

“Do you think it’s childish of me to keep giving him the cold shoulder? Sawyer, I mean.”

“I don’t think you ever act childish, Le. I think you got hurt, and you never got an explanation or an apology and sometimes, whether we want to admit it or not, it makes us harbor bitter feelings. He seems ready to have the conversation, but what matters is, are you?”

“I don’t know,” I whisper, letting my mind whirl through all the possibilities that our conversation could end with. Because what if he had begun to notice the way I would look at him and it freaked him out. What if he just outgrew our friendship and didn’t know how to tell me. But he said I meant everything to him? What did that mean?

“Well, my mama always said, When in doubt, don’t. If you’re not sure, then there’s no harm in holding off until you feel more sure of things. The last thing you want to do is jump into a conversation you’re not ready to have and end up even more hurt than you already are.”

Maybe Shane is right.

Maybe I just need to focus my attention on Jackson and see where things could go with us. The way it was meant to be before Sawyer stormed back into town.

CHAPTER 11

SAWYER

What kind of an idiot blurts something like that out at the dinner table? During Thanksgiving no less. I didn’t wait ten years to tell Leah she meant more to me than anyone else sitting around that table by blurting it out in frustration, but dammit the way she was acting like our entire friendship was one sided was pissing me off. I’ve been waiting for so long for her to give me just five minutes of her time so I could explain to her just how in it I was—which was clearly way more than she ever realized. Then she did—she gave me the chance and I blew it.

I hesitated because I didn’t want everyone on the other side of the wall to have a front row seat to the conversation.

After everything that’s transpired between the two of us, I’m beginning to worry that my affections for her will be one sided, but it doesn’t change the fact that the feelings are still there—and by the way my stomach twists every time I see her, they’re not going away any time soon.

“You good, man? You’re pumping those dumbbells like they stole your lunch money,” Tank asks, tipping his chin towards my arms. They’re red and the veins in them look like they’ll burst at any moment from me losing count of my reps. The guys invited me to their day after Thanksgiving workout, and I have to admit, it’s been nice working out here—the gym is empty outside of the four of us.

“Just distracted I guess.” I place the weights back on their rack and reach for my water bottle, finally feeling the burn in my arms from overdoing it.

“Wanna talk about it?” He lets out a deep laugh when he sees the hesitation on my face. “I’m not telling you to pull up a couch and pour your heart out. I’m just saying I’m here if you need to.” My eyebrows jump to my hairline.

“Honestly, I’m just not used to having guys I can talk to about the real shit.”

“Well, while we can be all fun and games when we want to be… we know who we can go to with the real shit,” Tucker chimes in, racking the weights on the bench press.

“I think I fucked up with Leah,” I admit, rubbing a towel along my neck. All three guys turn to face me in various stances.

“When? Last night?” Max furrows his brow.

“Yes, but no. Before that. This is like a ten year in the making fuck up and I don’t know how to recover from it.” Tucker whistles, bringing my attention to where he’s leaned against the squat rack.

“Damn bro. What the hell did you do?”

“Basically, I did exactly what Leah yelled at me for last night. I stood her up and didn’t return her texts and calls for two months.”

“Is that really that big of a deal though? You were in college, right? Surely, she’d understand if you were busy.” I can appreciate the effort in trying to ease my mind about how I handled things—since they have no idea how the relationship was between Leah and me.

“Not when we talked every single day for years. It was a pretty obvious blow when I didn’t answer any more. She would always call to tell me what happened on her favorite TV show, or about a new book she picked up and loved or I would text her when I found a new coffee place around campus I enjoyed. Neither of us ever missed a call or text. She has every reason to be as mad as she is at me.”

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