Page 83 of Waiting For Fate

“Who’s your friend, Dove?” I shoot a charming smile—my press smile, as I like to call it—to the guy to ease some of the growing tension.

“Sawyer, this is Josh. We went to college together. He went to Peru after graduation to teach and—I still can’t believe you’re here!” she says, shaking her head in disbelief. Josh just nods at me with an awkward grin on his face.

“I’m so sorry, I’m so rude. I’m just still in shock. Josh, this is my boyfriend, Sawyer. He?—”

“The Sawyer?” His eyes widen and even though she’s not facing me, I can see Leah turning red. So, she talked to him about me?

“The one and only.” I extend my hand and Josh shakes it firmly.

“Wow. I mean, that’s great. I’m really happy things worked out for you, Le.” I internally growl at the nickname. How fucking close were they?

“Thanks Josh. It was really good to see you.” She smiles sweetly.

“Yeah, I better let you two get back to it.” Josh waves and waltzes further into the restaurant. Leah, however, becomes eerily still.

“The Sawyer?” I question, “Care to explain that?”

“Um…no?” She tries to stand but I place my hand back on her thigh, though this time my fingertips have disappeared beneath the fabric of her dress. She’s hidden behind the tablecloth so no one can even see where I’m holding her, but I still see the way her head swivels around the restaurant.

“Dove?” She sighs and her eyes lock with mine.

“Josh and I met in college, and we became fast friends. He was honestly one of my best friends while I was there.” I attempt to ignore the blood thumping in my ears.

That time should have been ours.

“You already had friends.” I’m aware I sound completely insane right now, but I told her I was a jealous motherfucker—and I meant it.

“Who were all away at different colleges…” The look on her face as well as the ultra-slow pace of her words tells me she’s aware she’s reiterating something I already know.

“Anyways, he ended up catching feelings for me that I didn’t reciprocate. I told him I didn’t feel the same way and felt comfortable enough to tell him why—which is where you come in. He was really understanding, and it was so close to graduation that we didn’t really have time for it to become awkward before he left. This is actually the first time I’ve seen him since he asked me to go with him.” She casually stares out into the restaurant, meanwhile my heart falls through the seat of my chair.

“He did what?”

“What?” Her eyes meet mine again, and her brows pull together like she’s trying to figure out what she missed.

“He asked you to go with him to Peru?” My heart is back and beating so hard it’s almost painful.

“Oh, uh… Yeah.” Now it’s me looking around the restaurant, but mostly to keep myself from spontaneously combusting.

“How close were you two, exactly?” Every word feels like acid on my tongue.

Her head tilts to one side. “Sawyer, come on. That was years ago. You know I haven’t been with anyone?—”

“Hop up, Dove.” I pat her hip and her face turns to sheer panic.

“No,” she argues. I pick her up and move her from my lap, grabbing her hand as I walk us outside. I made a promise I wouldn’t walk away again, and I don’t want her misinterpreting this as me doing so, but I can’t fucking breathe in this restaurant right now. If I don’t get out soon I will be making a scene.

When we make it outside the cool air hits my lungs, and I relish in the way it allows me to pull in a full breath. Leah follows behind me until we’re stopped in front of an alley, far enough away from the crowd gathered outside the restaurant.

“Sawyer what the hell is going on?” She crosses her arms over her chest, and I run a frustrated hand through my hair.

“Oh, I don’t know, Leah. I just found out that some guy thought the two of you were close enough to ask you to go live across the world with him, so?—”

“But we weren’t,” she argues, her voice low but shaking.

“Really? He apparently thought you were!” The idea of her being that close with anyone else pisses me off—but not at her. Not even at the other guy. At myself.

She wasn’t in my life during those years because of my decisions, and the realization that she could have ended up with someone else, living in another country with them, makes me want to go back in time and knock the shit out of twenty-year-old me.

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