Page 78 of Waiting For Fate

“I’m sorry. I just… I don’t know how to do this, Sawyer.” She runs her hands through her hair, putting distance between us again as she walks around the kitchen.

“Do what? Be with me?” When she finally stops on the other side of the island, she looks up at me, her face red and looking like she’s on the verge of tears.

Shit, is that really it?

“Do you not want to be with me?” My heart is holding on by a thread waiting for her to answer. I’m not quite sure what I’ll do if she says she doesn’t.

Die, probably.

“Of course I want to be with you! I just… I don’t know how to be with you because I’ve never been with anyone before.” She rolls her eyes, swiping angrily at a tear that has fallen.

“That doesn’t make sense to me, Dove. You were with Jackson—and for far too fucking long might I add.” Saying his name instead of one of the many alternate things I’ve called him over the last three months is challenging enough, picturing her with him is pure torture.

“I’ve never been with anyone, Sawyer.” Her words come out slower, more emphasized and I feel like a fucking idiot when it hits me. I close the massive distance between us—because fuck that right now—and stop only when I’m towering over her.

“You mean—” I stop myself briefly, ensuring I don’t make her feel uncomfortable when I clarify. “Leah, are you still a virgin?”

“Yes, I’m still a virgin.” My heart acts like a complete fool as feelings of joy, guilt and pure shock fight for dominance over the situation.

“Yesterday, when you came for me…” I glance over to the couch, then back at her. Her face turns a bright red and I know the answer before I even ask the question. “How far have you gone?”

“I only ever kissed someone. Until you.” My heart feels like it’s going to bust through my chest cavity and do a damn victory lap around the block. “So excuse me for being a little embarrassed by my inexperience since the guy I’m dating could probably fuck his way through every sorority house in Massachusetts if he wanted to.” I struggle to hear anything past the fact that she’s still a virgin.

Knowing that I’ll be the first person to experience that with her sends an elation soaring through me that I don’t care to contain. But I still hear the worry in her statement, and it makes me wonder if that’s part of why she pulls back with me. Outside of what’s happened in the past, when we do finally steal moments alone and it feels like things are going well, she clams up the moment any kind of spark passes between us. Until this morning, at least.

“Is that why you pull back with me sometimes? Because you’re worried about your lack of experience?”

“Among other things…” she admits, letting her gaze fall once again to the floor.

“What other things?” She finally looks up at me, tipping her chin with a confidence I find wildly sexy on her.

“Honestly, Sawyer. I am scared you’re going to leave me again. That if I let my guard down, you’ll take what’s left of my heart and leave me in pieces.” Shit. “The fact that I won’t compare to the other women you’ve shared your life with is just an added worry that joined the mix a mere twelve hours ago.”

“I am the farthest thing from perfect, Dove, but I hope you know I will never stop trying to make up for the way I’ve hurt you in the past. I want to do boring Sundays with you—only you—and bring you your favorite coffee before work just so I can kiss you. I want to plan the perfect first date for us because if there’s anything I want to get right in life, it’s this. Us. I want all of it with you. No matter how many women I’ve been with in the past, I’ve not shared my life with any of them, because you are my life. You’re the entire reason I traded to the Badgers and moved back to Nashville. Because I knew if there was even the slightest chance in hell you could be mine, I had to do whatever possible to make that happen. You are incomparable. Nobody is you, Leah, and nobody but you has ever had my heart. If anyone gets left in pieces this time, it’ll be me, because the only way this ends is by you walking away. I told you I’m here to stay. You just have to let me in.” She swallows hard and I watch her expression carefully. An unsureness still flickering in her eyes.

“You traded just to be with me?”

“Of course I did.” My brows pull together as if that question could only have one possible answer.

“You say so many beautiful things, sometimes it’s hard to know if you’re real or not.” I pick her up and place her on the island beside us, taking her face in my hands before letting my lips crash into hers. My hands tangled in her hair and hers fist my shirt as our lips dance together like they were only ever supposed to be with each other. Her hands move to my chest, resting perfectly still over where my heart beats wildly in my chest—only for her.

“This is the realest thing I’ve ever felt in my life. The only thing I’ve ever been sure of. I want you to be mine, Leah. Completely, fearlessly mine.”

“Then I’m yours, Sawyer. Completely and fearlessly.”

“Atta girl.”

CHAPTER 33

LEAH

I never knew how exhilarating it would be to voice my concerns about being with Sawyer, to Sawyer. I feel so much lighter. Like I’m walking on air. Although, that could also be from the way Sawyer is kissing me like he’ll die if his lips aren’t on mine right now.

That motherfreaking ‘atta girl’ is going to bring me to my knees for him, I already know it.

I know I can’t live my life scared of being hurt by him, especially not when he’s here telling me he’ll do everything he can to prove to me that he won’t. That would just be stupid on my part, and I’ve never thought myself to be a stupid woman.

“Hey, what are you doing this weekend?” I ask, breaking our kiss.

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