Page 39 of Waiting For Fate

“Tay… I have something to tell you.” She sits up a little straighter, nodding her head as her expression turns more serious.

“I can’t believe you never told me.” We’re tucked into the corner of her oversized couch, covered with blankets with an empty cookie plate on the coffee table beside us. Tay rests her hand on mine on the back of the cushion between us as we face each other.

“I just didn’t know how you would react. I didn’t think you’d be mad necessarily, but I did know it might make things awkward. If you knew the way I saw him. I don’t know. It’s just so messy, we were friends, but I liked him as so much more, then he just disappeared on me, and I had to act way less hurt by that than I actually was.” I groan, resting my head on the cushion, watching as Taylor chews on her bottom lip. “What?” I ask, sitting up when I realize she hasn’t said anything for a while.

“Nothing.” She shakes her head, but clearly there’s something.

“Tay, come on. What is it?”

“I just think you guys should talk. I know you don’t want to. But I’m serious Leah, I think you need to hear him out.” I narrow my gaze on her.

“Why? What did he say tonight?” She shakes her head, looking down at her nails.

“I told him I wouldn’t say anything to you.” I contemplate asking her until she breaks, but I don’t want to do that to her. Taylor is the very one that will say whatever she wants, whenever she wants no matter what anyone else thinks about it. This is obviously important if she’s keeping it in. She gave him her word and I get her wanting to respect that.

“Okay. If he tries to talk to me again, I’ll hear him out, but I’m not seeking him out first.”

“Thanks, Le. I’m so sorry that I wasn’t able to be there for you when you were hurting.” Her eyes gloss over and I squeeze her hand.

“You don’t have to apologize. It was my choice to keep the way I felt hidden from you guys. I just honestly can’t figure out what I feel about him anymore. It was a lot easier to ignore his existence when he didn’t live here.” She chokes out a laugh and swipes a tear from her eye.

“Well, maybe you won’t have to continue ignoring him forever. Maybe you guys can find closure.” I smile and nod, not missing the way my heart sinks at her words.

Closure.

There’s something about that word that packs a finality that I don’t think I want to have with Sawyer.

Do I want answers? Yes.

Am I afraid they’ll hurt me even after all this time of trying to build a Sawyer-proof wall around my heart? Also, yes.

But I know it needs to happen.

CHAPTER 16

LEAH

Staring at the notes app on my phone to make sure I’ve completed all my Christmas shopping is stressing me out more than usual this year. Normally I have all my shopping done by December first, ensuring everything is ordered with enough time to account for any shipping delays, so I don’t show up to Christmas empty handed. What a nightmare that would be.

I take pride in my early planning and preparedness execution every year—except for this year. Because this is the year I have a new name on my list and I don’t know how, or if I even want to shop for it.

Sawyer. Freaking. Clark.

I know he’ll be there, but what I don’t know is if I’m supposed to get him something. Or if he’ll get me something. Because what if he gets me something but I don’t get him anything? Or worse. What if I get him something and he doesn’t get me anything?

My brain literally cannot handle another thought about this right now.

I lock my phone and toss it in my desk drawer, rubbing my temples ineffectively trying to rid my oncoming migraine.

“Hey-yo.” Jackson’s head appears in the doorway to my classroom, and I involuntarily groan. “Uh-oh. You okay?” He sticks his bottom lip out in a pout.

“Just a migraine, nothing that teaching kindergarten for five years hasn’t prepared me for,” I tease. “Or maybe that’s what has caused them,” I add under my breath.

“Do you need to cancel tonight? We don’t have to go out if you’re not feeling well. We can reschedule,” he offers, smiling up at me from where he’s bent down in front of my desk chair.

“No, I will be okay. No need to reschedule.” I give him a reassuring smile and when he grins ear to ear, I can almost feel it putting pressure on my frontal lobe.

“Okay then. I’ll pick you up at six?” I nod in agreement, and he bounces to stand back up. “See you in a bit.” I can’t even appreciate the wink he gives me because all I can think about right now is laying my head on this cool desk until the kids get back from lunch.

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