Page 119 of Waiting For Fate

“I’ll probably stay here with her tonight,” she says, looking down at her feet.

“Of course. I’ll come by in the morning to check on you both. Come on, I’ll walk you up.” She lifts her head, tears immediately streaming down her face when she does. I wipe them away with my thumbs and her eyes fall closed.

“Please go home, Sawyer.” Her voice cracks.

“What?” I rear back, confused by her request.

“I can’t do this. Okay? I can’t.” She shakes her head, her sobs shaking her whole body.

“I know, baby. I’m so sorry this happened but I’m right here, okay? I’m not going anywhere.” She lets me wrap my arms around her and press a kiss to her forehead, but the moment ends just as quickly as it happens.

“No. You don’t get it! I don’t want you here, Sawyer!” she yells, frantically running her hands through her hair.

“What?” My chest tightens and my brows pull together in confusion. She looks away from me, with tears and snot streaming down her face.

“I can’t look at you without thinking about why I wasn’t here. Why I wasn’t here for months before that. I missed out on so many chances to be with him. Because I was with you.”

“Baby, you couldn’t have known this was going to happen. You can’t not live life just because of what may or may not happen.”

“But it did happen. It did! And now he’s gone, Sawyer! My dad is gone. I’m never going to hear him call me Sweetpea again or take me on a drive when you break my heart, or try to get me to sneak him a cookie after dinner before he checks—” she sucks in a few deep breaths and I can tell she’s about to have a panic attack. “Whyyyy!” she tries screaming, but there’s too much strain on her voice to allow it so it comes out a pained whisper.

I blink away the tears that have formed in my eyes and pull her into me. She may hate me right now, but she needs me just as much.

“Breathe for me, Dove. Please, baby. You’ve gotta breathe.” She isn’t. She can’t. The grief is consuming her.

“Breathe with me.” I take a deep breath in, letting it out on a three count. Then I take her face in my hands with tears streaming down both of our faces.

“Breathe. With. Me,” I command, taking another breath just like the last, only this time, she inhales too. We do this a few more times until she’s breathing on her own again.

“I’m not walking away from you, Dove. I told you I wouldn’t and I’m not. I can’t. I told you you’re going to have to demand it or be the one to walk away.” She shakes her head, sniffling as more tears fall.

“Then I am. I have to.” I take a few steps down the walkway, running a hand through my hair as I try to keep my heart from shattering.

“No. Please, baby. You promised. You promised me you wouldn’t walk away either. Please don’t do this, I can’t lose you. Not again, not after I just got you.” My voice shakes with every word.

“That was before my dad was gone, Sawyer! I don’t want to see you right now. Why can’t you just understand that?”

“Because I love you,” I whisper.

There’s as much pain in my voice as I know there is in her heart—and I know the pain in mine could never compare—but that doesn’t change the fact that when she turns around and runs into her mom’s house, she rips my heart out of my chest and takes it with her.

Mom

We just landed. We’ll be there soon. Thank you for letting us know.

Me

You’re welcome. Leah is staying with her mom. They’ll probably both be there.

Mom

When will you be going back? We could wait to go with you.

Me

You should go without me. Leah doesn’t want to see me anymore.

Mom

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