Page 95 of Worth the Vow

I’m left at the table, completely speechless. He’s not going to berate me? Tell me how unprepared I am, or how I put my sister and Hannah at risk last year? This is out of the norm, and unprecedented. Is he having a stroke?

Not realizing I’ve been sitting silently at the table, I jolt when my father returns with a full plate of food. “You do know they don’t bring you the buffet, right?”

Jesus Christ, now he’s telling jokes. Maybe I should call my mom. Or, better yet, a doctor. Something is definitely up with him right now. I laugh awkwardly and stand, knocking over my chair, as I hurriedly head to the buffet. Our hotel is known for its buffet. We used to open it to anyone, but nowadays, it’s only available to hot springs visitors and overnight guests.

“What the hell is going on?” I blurt out, exasperated. “You’re freaking me out, Dad.”

“Go get food, Dominic. What I need to say can wait.” He smirks, a look so surprising to me I trip walking to the buffet. I can’t remember the last time he smiled at me. He definitely smiles at his grandchildren, and at my mom, but me? No.

Paying no attention to what I shovel onto my plate, I quickly sit down and stare at my father as I wait for him to start talking, but I think he’s enjoying making me wait. I can feel my heart rate increasing as a thin layer of sweat develops on my brow. Jesus, is someone messing with the thermostat? It feels like the temperature suddenly went up ten degrees. I reach up to loosen my tie, needing the extra bit of room to force oxygen into my lungs.

“Dad, just spit it out. Please.” I’m spiraling, and I can feel an anxiety attack nipping at the edges of my mind.

“Look at me, Dominic.” I look at my dad, finding him staring intensely at me. “Three things you can hear.”

“Um, your voice, the music on the sound system, and mom laughing at the front desk,” I respond.

“Three things you can touch,” he says quietly.

“The table, my napkin, and my water glass.”

“Three things you can see.”

My breathing evens out as I look around the room. “The buffet, the fireplace, and you.”

“Better?”

“Yeah, actually,” I respond, then startle. “Wait. How did you know about doing that?”

“When you were diagnosed with anxiety, I did some research. I’m the one who taught your mother how to help you.”

“Really?”

“I’m not as uninvolved and clueless as you think.” He raises his eyebrows as if waiting for me to challenge him. I’m suddenly aware of how volatile our relationship has gotten over the past few years.

“What happened to us, Dad? We used to be close,” I sigh, shaking my head in frustration. “I know you wanted Alex to take over for you, and you were disappointed that he didn’t want it. But I never thought it would sour our relationship like this.”

His eyes widen. “I didn’t want Alex to take over. Is that what you’ve thought all these years?”

“Well, yeah. He didn’t tell anyone about joining the Guard, and you seemed ticked that I was next in line,” I confess.

“How long have you thought this?” he asks quietly.

I shrug, not knowing how to answer. On some level, I’ve felt this way for close to twenty years. But I’m not sure my father wants to hear that. “It doesn’t matter. What’s done is done.”

“It does matter, Dominic. It matters that you’ve believed you were second choice. I knew Alex wouldn’t want to run Everlasting since before he was a teenager. We could barely get him to sit still at school. Did you honestly think he’d want to sit in business meetings, or handle hiring new staff? He’s always been someone who needs to be out and about. I don’t think he even owns a suit,” Dad says with a chuckle. “You, on the other hand, were interested in Everlasting from the time you could walk. Did you know you’d sit with me at staff meetings when you were barely out of diapers?”

“What? No,” I say incredulously.

“It’s true. You used to carry around an old calculator and pretend to do payroll. Concierge gave you a name tag when you were around eight or nine, I believe. And more than once, you told me how you’d rearrange the office once I turned it over to you,” he says with a wide smile.

“You sound … proud about those things,” I say hesitantly.

“Of course. I am proud of you. Did you think I wasn’t?”

“Not really, no. You argue with me about everything. You berate any changes I suggest, and you shoot down any new ideas. You always have. You’re hovering over me, and I don’t feel like I’m truly running Everlasting. It’s like I’m still getting the go-ahead from you,” I admit. Kate is right. He needs to know exactly how I feel. “It fucking hurts when you’re always doubting me.”

Dad sighs and rubs the back of his neck. “There have been times I was harsh with you. I know I was. And it’s not for the reasons you think. Many times, I pushed you to bring your best because you have one of the most brilliant minds I’ve ever witnessed, son. When you’re fully focused, and engaged, I can almost see the wheels turning in your head as you analyze and compute strategies, techniques, and whatnot. When I could tell you were bringing me ideas that were safe, I wouldn’t accept them. Harsh? Yes. But I don’t want you to be safe, Dom. You should take chances. Experience life, the good and the bad. I’ve watched you walk the path you thought you should be on, and I hated that. I thought maybe you were like Alex, and you weren’t happy here. I started pushing you more, trying to get a gauge on whether you could jump-start something, or if you’d come to me and admit your heart wasn’t in it.”

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