Page 93 of Worth the Vow

I sighed audibly. “I don’t know, sweetheart. Your mom made some really bad choices, and she might have to go away for a while.”

“To prison? Like your dad?” Sienna asked Kate.

“Exactly like that,” Kate replied.

“Why didn’t she think? I hate how selfish she is,” Sienna muttered.

“You’re absolutely right, sweetheart. Your mom is selfish. And you’re entitled to feel all these emotions. Anger, sadness, disappointment.” Kate slowly stroked Sienna’s hair as she patiently let Sienna unload her thoughts, and I realized I’d picked the perfect mother for my children.

Kate didn’t take offense to Sienna being upset about Savannah. Rather, she encouraged Sienna to vocalize her emotions. She also gave Sienna a journal, telling her that sometimes writing out her thoughts can help her get past them. I often found Kate and Sienna, and eventually Aspen, in the backyard, writing in their journals.

A few months after our renewal ceremony, I felt quite restless, and ended up on our back porch, wrapped in a blanket, listening to the leaves rustling in a light breeze. There’s a bite to the air as summer changes to autumn, and I swear I can smell the promise of snow in the near future.

“What are you doing out here?” Kate murmurs through the screen door.

“Couldn’t sleep.”

Kate quietly opens the door and tiptoes over to me. Holding her own blanket wrapped tightly around her shoulders, she joins me on the porch swing. I wrap my arm around her as she nuzzles against me.

“What’s going on in that head of yours?” she asks quietly.

“I’m not entirely sure. I feel … restless, and like something is missing,” I finally confess.

“In work, home, or life in general?” Kate asks.

“I think in home life. I don’t know.”

“I feel like you know what you want to say, but you’re afraid to say it,” Kate whispers. It’s almost scary how well my wife knows me.

“You’re right,” I admit.

“Rip the band-aid off, husband,” she says. Her voice is even, but her body is tense against mine.

I take a deep breath, close my eyes, and blurt out, “Do you want to have more kids? Your own kids, I mean. Are you upset that I had a vasectomy? We never talked about it after I blurted it out in front of Savannah. I can get it reversed, you know. If you wanted to get pregnant, we could try.”

Kate is quiet for a moment before speaking. “I’ve honestly tried to avoid thinking about having children. I knew it would be miraculous for me to get pregnant with only one ovary, endometriosis, and PCOS. I think I made peace with that years ago, Dominic. And once things began happening with you, I was so focused on the kids that I didn’t think about pregnancy. I love that I get to be their bonus mom, and I’m content with that. But I’ll admit, the thought of us creating a life together is exciting, and I guess I never let myself wish for it because I figured it wouldn’t happen.”

Resting my cheek on the top of her head, I let her words marinate. “I think I feel restless because I want to see a little Kate running around our yard after her older sisters.”

“What if it’s a little Dominic?” she questions softly.

I smile against her hair. “As long as he has your eyes and smile, and definitely your sparkle and laugh, I’ll be happy.”

“Maybe he’ll be a little grumpy, but have a heart of gold like his daddy,” Kate says with a light giggle.

“Whatever we make will be perfect, because we made him, or her, together,” I murmur.

“Can we just take it day-by-day right now? I kinda like the idea of being just the five of us for a little while,” Kate whispers.

“I’m absolutely okay with that. And I’m not pressuring you to have a child. I wanted you to know that I’m okay with having another if you are. But if you don’t want more kids, I’m okay with that too.”

“I’m willing to keep it on the table. And I’ll bring it up to my OBGYN at my next appointment and see if it’s even a viable option.”

I sit up, turning to Kate so I can see her face. “I’d like to get my vasectomy reversed. It’s not because I want to knock you up right away, although I don’t think I’d be sad if I did —” Kate laughs and rolls her eyes, “— but I figure it’ll take a few months to get an appointment, get the procedure done, and I don’t know how long recovery is. And if it never happens for us, I’m fine with that. But in order for it to happen, I’d need to have all the working parts anyway.”

Kate throws her head back in raucous laughter. “Working parts! Thankfully, I’m pleased with all of your parts.”

“Glad to hear it, Mrs. Santo,” I tell her, pulling her into my lap. Her legs automatically split so she’s straddling me, her blanket wrapped around her shoulders. “You cold? We can go inside.”

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