Page 75 of Return on Love

I want to scream at her, too. Instead, I stomp off to the other room and lock the door. Has Ryan got to her? Not possible. My eyes well up. I’ve never felt lonelier in my life. Everyone seems determined to make me feel worse than I was. Even Lily.

Or is it me? Lily cares for me. She’ll never have any ulterior motive. If she’s saying it, there must be truth to it. And it’s not the first time anyone’s told me. The therapist did too. And that’s why I’d tried to trust Bob. Should I trust Ryan? Can I trust him?

I hear a tiny knock after some time. My tears have dried out and my mind has gone blank.

I open the door and fall into Lily’s open arms. “I’m sorry,” she says. “I’m an ass for having said that.” She holds me tight and tears start flowing down again.

“You’re not an ass. I am,” I say after a few minutes, as I disengage myself and we both plop down on the bed. Don, not willing to be left behind, brings his squeaky carrot, jumps up and settles between us.

“Maybe I was too harsh on him. Was he right when he said all that? Am I hiding behind my past?”

Lily is quiet, and that silence is confirmation of what she thinks.

“Call him up,” she says, holding my hand and squeezing it.

“Okay. I can talk about work. He had offered me a position as Strategy Head or something.”

Lily rolls her eyes. “Sure. Start with that, if you like. But call him.”

I smile and dial Ryan’s number. I let it ring for a long time. No response. Maybe he’s busy with his team. Or driving. I try to reason. Or is it possible that he doesn’t want to talk to me?

A message an hour later clarifies it. “Congrats Eva. I heard about the VP and Partner deal. It was nice working with you. All the best.”

Nothing about the message says that he ever wants to see me again. Not a single message since he went back to Boston and now this. He knows about the deal. He had time to call Bernard, but not me. Or God forbid, that his source of information was Priscilla.

Perhaps he always saw me as a consultant he had to work with. He did whatever it took to get me on his side. I feel foolish. How could I misread it all?

“What happened?” Lily asks. “Looks like you’ve seen a ghost.”

I push my phone towards her, and she reads the message. “Did you tell him you’re open to working with him?”

“Of course not. I’ll not make a fool of myself again. I don’t want a repeat of him puking over me as I stare at him awestruck and starry-eyed.” Don jumps on my lap and I scratch him under his ears. “He doesn’t think of me like that, Lily. He just thought of everything as a business interaction. Whatever we had was just a mistake. He said so himself. Maybe he offered the job merely to impress me then. After all, I don’t really have the experience for that position. That’s all it was. A business transaction.”

“So, what do you plan to do now? Take up Bernard’s offer. Even though that’s not what you want?”

I shake my head. “No. There are a lot of gaming companies where I can look for opportunities. Or even publishing business or some other content development business. I don’t know. But I’ll figure it out. What I know is that this time I’ll take up something that I really want to do. Not to impress Dad or my ex-colleagues or any other people. Just myself.”

Lily holds my shoulder and presses it gently. “I’m sure you’ll work it out.”

“Yup. Now, c’mon. Let’s drink and have some fun. I don’t want a man spoiling my mood.”

Gabriel calls me later in the evening. I don’t pick it up. First, because I don’t want to talk to anyone in MooreGames right now. I’m not in the ‘work’ mood. And second, I’m already on my fourth glass and I’m not sure what I’ll end up blurting if I pick it up.

I remember little after that. When I wake up the next day, I have vague memories of dancing wildly with Lily and of some neighbor knocking on the door and telling us to keep it low. I have a splitting headache as I tumble out of bed. I remember the drink Ryan had left me when I drank in his house. It was a miracle drink. I wish I had asked him about the recipe when I had the chance. I shake my head. Enough of Ryan now. I need to think straight.

But straight is one thing I cannot think. It’s afternoon already. I shower and realize Lily has heated some leftover food. In a few hours, we’re both feeling better. I check my phone and see a couple of missed calls from Gabriel. I dismiss them. It can wait till we go back to the office. Whoever the firm will assign to this deal can take it from here now.

“Shouldn’t you at least call him back? Understand what he wants to tell you?”

“Nah. I have to move forward. And MooreGames is a path I cannot take right now. Ryan made that pretty clear yesterday.”

“I think you should talk to him. But it’s your call. So what do you want to do today? Tomorrow we have to be back in office.”

“Wanna watch some movies?”

“Sure. But don’t say Star Wars, girl,” Lily complains. “I don’t want to watch it. Let’s watch some old romcom. How about You’ve Got Mail?”

We watch You’ve Got Mail, and then The Force Awakens. The rest of the evening goes in playing with Don and then I head back to my apartment. I need to prepare how I’m going to break the news to Bernard. I’ve already decided on leaving, so it makes no sense to hold off till Monday. Before I call it a day, I send out feelers to a few gaming companies, just to see whether I get any kind of response from any of them.

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